take it back.
What was really occurring to him though was just how powerful Blaine’s feelings were. He was a perfect target, actually. But that was just the hunter in Kurt talking.
Blaine thought it was his fault? How on Earth could he have chased Kurt away into being a demon? Kurt imagined he would say the same thing if the tables were turned. So he remained exactly where he was and hoped his voice was as steady as he wanted it. “It’s not your fault. There is nothing you could have done to stop me, Blaine. And I was never going to be gone forever I-” he’s sure there’s not a better way to word things. “It was a temporary leave so it could happen and I could adjust but if I told anyone where I was they might try to stop me or come looking and that could not happen.” He sighed, raking a hand through his hair again.
Would it be wrong to try and comfort him? Kurt couldn’t say he regretted it, because in all honesty he didn’t. It was strange from the start and only got more so as time went on. Blaine was never a part of the equation. He felt bad and he probably wouldn’t say it, but it was just a fact. Every night that he left the house with Oliver it was like leaving his entire life. It was such a thrilling freedom. Even if he did think of telling Blaine time and time again. He didn’t understand it back then any more than he did now, which is to say, not at all.
There was nothing he could have done to stop him. Ask him thirty seconds ago if his heart could break anymore than it already was? He’d have told you no. He was wrong.
“Of course I would have tried to stop you,” his voice was broken. An unsteady whisper that was borderlining on utter silence or bursting out into a scream. Blaine rubbed at his face trying to calm himself down. He couldn’t count on Kurt to help. He had to do this on his own. Much like everything he’s done the past six months through spots of him letting people “help” because he couldn’t hurt them by turning them away. His breath picking up faster said none of his efforts worked. Never would he think that being near Kurt would make him feel alone. It did and it hurt so bad he felt like he was suffocating. “That’s what you do for people you love, Kurt. You try to stop them from walking out of your life and into something that–oh wait,” a huff rattled out. With tears in his eyes–Blaine laughed. If you could call the quiet tumble of sound shaking his shoulders a laugh. More a frustrated, torn apart, utterly baffled noise that had his eyes rolling to keep himself from crying–he wasn’t going to start. If he started? He might not stop.
“I forgot. You can’t keep someone from making a mistake when it’s not a mistake to them. You wanted to leave everyone–even me–and it didn’t matter what shape you left us in. As long as you got what you wanted. I WAITED for you, Kurt. I waited!” He wasn’t yelling–not yet–but he was oh so close. “I had nightmares for months that you were somewhere begging me to help. No one would listen. I thought you were hurting. I couldn’t let myself believe it was worse.” Even with Kurt standing there alive–the idea made him blanch. Living proof those memories and feelings weren’t quite put to rest yet. “But if it was? I needed to bring you home. Regardless–I had to find you! I lied to my parents or waited until they were gone and went to look for you when Burt stopped! I got caught more than once! I didn’t–” He stopped himself, lowered his voice, straightened his back against the wall and grabbed onto the door handle but didn’t open it. “You promised me you’d never leave. You promised. I believed you so much that nothing our friends or family said mattered because the only thing that did? Was our forever and that meant more to me than what anyone else said. For my own good or not.”
pianokeysandbowties back up 