thank you.

                           “Shhh. Killer. It’s okay.” Sebastian had no fucking idea what to do, other than to keep holding him. What could he do? What could he answer to that? “You were lonely, Blaine.” He offered, awkwardly, as he kept running his hand up and down his back. “I know you didn’t mean it.” Or at least he had to believe that. Not only because it was what made Blaine, BLAINE, and what had so much attracted him at first, but because if he let himself think about Blaine actually planning to cheat on Kurt with someone else, well, he better not. He tried to focus on knowing how it felt to fuck up, instead, and how he could help Blaine feel better about it. “At least you told him, that’s something, right?” He asked, unsure of what was really best as he’d never been on that end of a relationship. Or in a relationship, honestly. He held him tighter. This was actually the first time he was ever allowed to hold Blaine like that, and he was slowly starting to realize it. They’d hugged, before the proposal fiasco, but it’d been quick and Blaine hadn’t been abandoned on his arms like that. 

Sebastian could feel how Blaine was almost shaking against him and it broke the heart most people didn’t think he had. Why was it that after all this time, to see Blaine hurt him like that, hurt him this much? It shouldn’t make as much sense as it did. He kept holding Blaine until he started to come down from his panic, and relax even if slowly, in his arms. Sebastian hadn’t noticed how thinner he looked until Blaine pulled back and he got to actually look him on the face properly. He shook his head. “It’s fine killer. Just wait here for a minute, I’m gonna get you some water, alright? Bathroom’s to the right if you want it.” He pointed out, nodding towards the bathroom door, before gently detaching from Blaine, and getting up. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned back around to him. “Don’t go anywhere.” He asked, again, before making his way upstairs, quickly. He hoped Blaine would listen to him, but he put it off his mind for a moment, as he made it to his bedroom. The guy he’d been sleeping with was still knocked out on his bed and Sebastian patted his ankle as he started to gather up his things. “Wake up, sexy. I need you out.” He patted him again as the boy started to grumble and threw the boy’s phone and wallet besides him. “I’ve got a friend over, time to go.” He said, as the other finally looked up at him, frowning. He shrugged. “Can always find me by the bar again.” He told him, before leaving, the door open as he passed through it so he could make his way downstairs again, to the kitchen this time, to get Blaine some water. 

“Let me know if you want something stronger.” He said, as he walked back into the living room, a glass of cold water in hand, hoping to find Blaine in the couch.

“Nothing’s okay,” he slowly shook his head and balled up one fist to try some useless attempt at drying his face.  “Nothing’s fine and nothing’s okay.  I’m not sure if anything will ever be OKAY again.”  A shift of positions and Sebastian stood up from the couch–watery hazel eyes blinked clear after a few tries.  Blaine watched as Sebastian disappeared out of the room.  A quiet groan parted his lips as both elbows were pressed against his upper thighs.  Palms cupped the top of his head and he stared between his bended knees at the floor wondering why the hell he thought it was okay to do this to Sebastian.  Of all people.  Sebastian was his friend, yes.  But he knew their history–one that never was, yet was so so close to being something much different–and knew that coming here to break down over making the biggest mistake of his life with someone else was probably akin to a slap in the face.  He might be thick about a lot of things that pass him by.  Blaine knows that about himself.  Not even he could miss where this might be unfair for him to rely on Sebastian to get him through this.  Not might be.  It was.  Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to get up and leave.  Even if the thought quickly crossed his mind while he sat there waiting.

Hearing the other drawing close again–Blaine straightened up.  If that’s what you could call it.  More like folded into himself while pretending he was sitting fully upright.  Limbs moved–wrapped around his middle–and he reached for the water with a look of gratitude.  “Thank you.” The other hand wrapped gently–so careful that it seemed Blaine thought Sebastian was made from hollow bones that were far too delicate and could break at the slightest touch.  He didn’t want him leaving again.  Not with the thoughts in his head being plugged up by the other’s presence.  He didn’t want them flooding back in.  “Please sit down,” he begged up at him–red faced and eyebrows lifted like he could beckon him in with the expression alone.  “Sit down and don’t go. Water’s fine.  I’m not sure if anything harder’s a good idea.  Not LIKE THIS.”  What was he supposed to say from here?  I know I messed up.  I ruined everything.  I’ll never be the same again.  Neither will he.  And it’s all my fault.  The words were on the tip of his tongue but he bit them back and swallowed the aftertaste with more water.  “It’s all..over.  I think.  I’m not sure.  But.  I think so..”  And there came the caving in of his chest again.  A buckling of his belly and he sat the glass on the table near the couch before palming at his face to hide the crease forming between his brows.  Couple of tattered deep breaths later–his fingers dropped with his gaze into his lap.

“I’m sorry…  I don’t know why I thought laying this on you was a good idea,” he apologizes because that’s how he’s wired.  “You’re just–the only one who I wanted to go to.”