sebastian.

                                              ❛❛you’re lucky you look like that, or else i’d be  morally obligated to toss you out for spreading such blasphemous things.’ he pointed out, when blaine said coffee wasn’t real food. he took another sip of his own  mug making a fake grimace. ‘though you might have a point about THIS one. coffee without a shot doesn’t really live to its full potential.’ the words were witty and quick, but his voice was still rough with tiredness, though the dark, bitter liquid was doing its job on starting to wake him up from his daze. he was a lot more aware of blaine’s nervousness than he’d been a moment ago, for example, and he wasn’t sure if liked the change. he’d rather keep pretending blaine felt as comfortable as he did sharing breakfast with him, and bantering about nothing. it was nice pretending blaine enjoyed this as much as he did. but then again, that had been their relationship from the start, right? blaine too astonished to come back at him, and sebastian filling in the blanks.

‘you okay?’ he asked eventually, because blaine looked as though he might throw up in his coffee mug. and sebastian wasn’t sure if it was just the hangover or something worse. he glanced at blaine worriedly, eyes taking in the way blaine’s golden ones were staring at him. he actually stuttered, something sebastian hadn’t seen him do since their first few meets, when he’d laid on the boy all his best moves at once, hoping at least one of them would strike home. making blaine blushed and stuttery. he was also so quiet, sebastian leaned forward without noticing, as he tried to hear. blaine was really confusing him now. he had never seen him this serious before. not since the night they’d had a long conversation sebastian would rather not be reminded of, in which blaine made it very clear that kurt was the one he loved, always had, always would, and that if sebastian still wanted to be friends with him after everything, he had to respect that. and he had. no matter how much effort it took at times. he had.

he heard blaine’s words when he finally spoke, but sebastian hadn’t missed the hint of desolation in his eyes. he knew blaine. knew him too well to miss something like that. and blaine’s hushed, hollow, words fell on numb ears as sebastian looked at him intently as though trying to listen to what blaine REALLY wanted to say. he watched, slightly stupefied that blaine would just drop whatever it was like that. had sebastian hurt him? had he done something so bad blaine couldn’t bring himself to say it? he pushed the mug on the counter by his side and slid off of it. ‘we made a deal. you said i got a question. i want you to tell me what i really did last night.’ he said, firmly. 

Did he stare too long?  See?  That was the problem.  Giving himself away enough to cause Sebastian concern and for him to ask a question that Blaine was hoping he’d never have to answer was NOT what he wanted.  Damn it.  Out of the two of them?  He was going to be the only one who ever remembered what happened inside the cab.  Sebastian wouldn’t have to not think about it.  Or be the one who had to go through a few weeks wondering how to avoid eye contact while not avoiding it too much and definitely not letting his gaze stray towards someone’s mouth.  Maybe longer.  Depending on how much time it took for Blaine to get that process down.  His wobbly jokes and quick pounces on whatever subject from breakfast to eclairs to coffee were going to be a defense that only HE had to figure out.  It sucked being the only person who could look back onto the previous twelve hours and not know what it was like. 

Blaine’s jawline flinched back teeth grinding together like he had to chew a bitter pill up before swallowing it.  He was being absolutely ridiculous.  How greedy could he get?  Seeing Sebastian slide down to the floor from the corner of his eye–Blaine sat the carafe back down on the countertop and instinctively glanced up at the tone in the other’s voice.  His mouth opened, small noises and sharp exhales.  “I just told you–”    A crooked smile staggered from barely there to so wide it made his cheeks puffy when his eyes rolled in mock exasperation.  Blaine was actually considering lying again and giving himself dead away.

“You–you were a mess,” his hand blindly reached for the counter behind him and he held onto it backing up until his hip bounced off it. The other palm lifted from his side and waved to correct the word. “Drunk.  I mean.  Not an actual mess.”  The longer he watched Sebastian–the harder it was to keep up with such a blatant zigzag.  One that was all for nothing when he blurted out. “I mean–I got you into the cab and you were laughing and having a great time and we talked and youkissedme.”  Dead silence.  The kind that comes crashing down loud as thunder when you catch yourself a heartbeat too late and then your heart stops beating altogether. Blaine’s froze, only blinking at him.  His lips puckered, the edge of two front teeth gripped the inside corner of both.  He screwed up.  That wasn’t supposed to come out.  Yet.  There it was.

“I didn’t think you’d forget.  I just realized you did.”