sebastian.

                                                blaine kept stuttering. blushing. avoiding his eyes. in a way that looked nothing like the bashful way he’d done it before.  he looked uncomfortable, maybe angry, or even hurt. sebastian felt his stomach drop to his knees, making them buckle. had he? did he? he reached out a hand, but pulled it back when blaine seemed to back away from him. sebastian swallowed down thickly. he opened his mouth to ask, even began the rough words,

❛❛did i—?’ but his voice wouldn’t come out. did i hurt you? his face voided as his eyes stared, wide and dark, pupils blown with concern because blaine looked as though he might be sick if sebastian got too close.

or was it that blaine KNEW? had he…. had he seen, him? and now he didn’t know how to bring it up? sebastian felt humiliation brew up inside him, coiling painfully behind his tensed abs, though he kept his face still. he didn’t know WHAT to think, and it was exasperating when he was used to always know what was going inside the other’s head, from day one. he resisted the urge to take a step back. his fists clenched before he brought them around, crossing his arms tightly. he didn’t want to look WEAK, and he tried to make his shoulders stand proudly as ever, with the same attitude with which he would have crossed his arms back when they were teens. but it was hard to, a lot more than he remembered, specially when his eyes kept hovering over blaine’s face, searching feverishly for some kind of answer. ‘just tell me, killer.’ he cut in, patience growing thin with blaine’s increasingly pathetic excuses. whatever it was, sebastian would FIX it. he’d try. he had nearly but blinded blaine once, what could be worse than that?

suddenly he felt a new wave of nausea. you were a mess. had he said something? but blaine had heard that from him, before, right? that wasn’t the first time sebastian would have drunkenly declared something to him. sure. he had made a promise. but blaine and him barely saw each other as it was nowadays, and he’d been out of his mind enough not to remember it the next day. surely he deserved some slack? it wasn’t like he’d intentionally disrespected blaine’s great love, or something. he bit his lips inside his mouth, before releasing them, and forcing his arms to unwind, rolling one shoulder, instead. 

the answer made him stop. he stared at blaine, or rather, through blaine, as his eyes blanked and his mouth slackened. he’d kissed him. his lips tingled again like they’d been doing all morning, and then he GOT IT. for a moment there was relief. that was a lot better than any of the options he’d been considering. but then he looked up at blaine as he spoke again and his eyebrows pressed. he stared at him, but no matter for how long he did, he just couldn’t remember it. he breathed in. he knew it was stupid to ask, it was incredibly stupid, and even if the answer was something else, he also knew how probable it was that blaine would say NO, either way. and yet…

‘did you kiss me back?’ his heart skipped a beat. it was ridiculously corny to say so, but it did just as his whole body tightened. he looked at blaine and there was a plea in his green eyes. an open, unguarded for once, request, for the TRUTH. just that. nothing else blaine’s altruist brain might think would sound better.

Seeing Sebastian tensing as he waited for him to blurt out the answer the other so desperately wanted to hear–Blaine took a step back after he said it.  Maybe he was overreacting in his hesitation to blurt it out.  Maybe he was making the proverbial mountain out of a molehill.  But the kiss wasn’t something so trivial to him as to brush it off.  Because the kiss just happened to be from Sebastian.  Who Blaine knew wouldn’t want to shirk off remembering that the two of them finally did that Sebastian was never quite able to hide his want for.  Even in his best behavior times where he thought he was.  There was always a longing in Sebastian’s eyes that Blaine could feel down to his very core.  Hidden or not.  And it always tugged on his heartstrings each time he turned away.  The worst worry was something ingrained in him for a very long time. –Please don’t think I took advantage of you.  I didn’t.  I promise.–

Sebastian staring at him the way he was?  Blaine almost thought he did and was ready to gush out whatever apology and denial of the fact before he was quickly escorted towards the door if that would happen.  So often he could read Sebastian down to a ‘T’ but this was uncharted territory and he hated not being able to when he needed it most.  “I didn’t take–,” he began to mumble.  Under his breath at first like he had to test the waters of his explanation before dishing it out.  The question cut his voice to silence and he bit his lip, eyes so hesitant as he read over Sebastian’s pleading stare. His heart leapt to his throat.  Why was he so tense?  Why was he begging him so hard?

His breathing turned shallow and he tucked his chin towards his collar–reading it all wrong and mucking things up in a way that was wholly his version of doing so.  “Y-Yes,” the truth came out in a small and fractured, guilty whisper.  “I kissed you back.  I’m sorry.  I know I shouldn’t have. You were drunk and I wasn’t.  I knew what you were going to do.  It was obvious it was about to happen and I..”  A flashed sardonic smile of utter frustration bared clenched together teeth as his hand wrenched from the counter and rubbed the back of his neck.

He finally looked away, towards the counter and the window past the sink with an exasperated sigh.  “I let it happen.”  There.  Sebastian had the truth.  Not some story to soften the blow. Blaine couldn’t resist him with that stare.  Much to the other’s disbelief–Sebastian had settled himself into more than one of Blaine’s weak spots over the years and he’d just struck the biggest one with the way he plead for the truth, the tone of his voice and that. damn. stare.