rachel.

Rachel could feel the slight shaking of Blaine´s body and
she could tell that he was crying too. She adored him even more for trying to
hold it together for her sake, though she would have never expected him to do
that. He had a right to grieve about their loss as much as Kurt or her did and
he shouldn´t be the one trying to bear it all. They were all in this together
and as hard as it was sometimes Rachel felt as if they were lucky that they had
each other.

She held onto him for a little longer, trying to take deep
breaths and to calm herself down so he´d get a chance to do the same. Sometimes
she felt better once she´d let it all out and with someone there by her side it
was a lot easier.

Once they moved she watched as he took her hands and rested
them against his chest, a tentative smile tugging on the corners of her lips.
It felt good, to feel the steady heartbeat and the warmth beneath her fingers,
knowing that he was alive and here. When he told her that he´d be back she
nodded, taking a few deep breaths, trying to figure out if she´d be alright.
After a minute she decided that she was good, or well…alright. And alright was
much better than she had felt just a few minutes ago.

When he finally returned she offered him a smile, tears on
her cheeks having dried. “No…thank you.” Rachel the muttered, “I´m fine. Just
tea.” She glanced up at Blaine. “Do you…maybe want to watch a movie? You don´t
have to if you want to go back to sleep,” She wouldn´t keep him from returning
to Kurt and their warm bed, but Rachel couldn´t deny that she was hoping he´d
stay.

Oh God, he just wanted to make her feel better.  Kurt, too.  Feeling this helpless was awful. Fetching tea and holding someone tight didn’t seem like enough.  Common sense told him that’s all they could do for one another.  Be there, be close.  But he wanted to do more.  He wanted to fix the unfixable.  And it was the most awful, powerless feeling in the world.  Seeing Rachel’s face dry was one small victory that brought him a bit of peace and he’d hang onto it for as long as he could.  Use whatever strength it gave him to just keep trying to ease their ache.

They were all too young for this.  Too young to lose brothers or lovers or..  If he started thinking on how unfair this was again, he was going to get as frustrated as he did every time that happened.  Beyond the furthest meaning of the world.  None of this was fair.  Unanswered questions and a total lack of any sort of reason or purpose of someone being stolen away was all they had.  It was nauseating.

“Okay.  Tea it is then,” Blaine waited until she had a firm grip on her mug before he took a sip from his own and crossed back over to ‘his side’ of the bed.  He already had one knee about to hit the mattress when she asked him if he minded staying to watch a movie.  Rachel was still wide awake and Blaine already planned on staying close until she drifted off again.  

Smiling softly as he gingerly sat the mug on the nightstand and stood back up again, he shrugged and went to her bookcase to fetch whatever movie she picked out.  “I didn’t plan on going away until you were asleep.  Of course I’ll watch a movie with you.  Any movie you want. Want some Barbra?  Or how about Audrey?”