( mssg » blaine | sent ) Okay. I believe you. ( mssg » blaine | sent ) Marc Jacobs. ( mssg » blaine | sent ) I guess I’ll be seeing you at Breadstix. 🙂
( mssg » kurt | sent ) Sailing. ( mssg » kurt | sent ) See you at Breadstix! 🙂
Getting a chance to see Kurt in person for the first time since Kurt’s charming but failed attempt to be the next James Bond was something Blaine looked forward to since Kurt left the private school. Their conversation struck a chord deep inside the Warbler for more reasons than he skimmed over for Kurt to know that he understood what he was going through perfectly because he’d been there. Blaine quickly found himself wanting to be a friend who could offer that understanding. Kurt, obviously, needed it. No one should feel alone as the lost look on the boy’s face that made Blaine’s heart ache proved Kurt was. Well. Not anymore. And never again if Blaine had anything to say or do about it.
Settled into the small waiting area just inside the restaurant doors–Blaine plucked at the hem of his peacoat sleeve and waited for the other boy to show up. His chin was tucked into a dark burgundy scarf and a quiet hum filled the silence, except for the conversations of people coming and going, with a melody he made up as he went along. When the door opened–curious hazel eyes glanced up and as soon as he caught sight of who he was waiting for? Blaine stood up and brushed his hands together, smiling wide as he caught his attention.
“Hey! Kurt. It’s so good to see you,” he moved to clasp Kurt’s shoulder out of habit (Warblers, sheesh) but seemed to catch himself and waved towards the dining area with a semi-apologetic sidelong tug of the corner of his mouth. “So, do I get to see the secret table? I’ve been looking forward to it the entire drive,” he teased lightly, “Tell me it’s free. Or I’ll be heartbroken??”
Santana was still fuming, though there was an ache in her chest. When she hurt the people she loved, whether they deserved it or not — the guilt came fast. Once upon a time there were no consequences for her cruel actions. The only pain was hidden in hushed sighs && tears behind the curtains. Now she had an ALMOST visible weak spot. She use to blame Finn for it. Saying he mostly, along with all of her closest friends && loved ones made her weaker. In time she grew to like having that soft spot. Until it started to break. Reminding her why she had walls built in the first place. It was becoming more clear as time went on how angry she’d made her friend. His body was still but there was a fury within, spreading like wildfire. This might just be the day that somebody truly broke the calm && collected Blaine Anderson. Of course if anyone was going to blow up this island, it’d be Santana. It was hard not to back away when he stepped closer, especially because her usual reaction was to get in close, show she wasn’t afraid. Of course physically she had no fear of the bow tie wearing musical enthusiast. Mentally though? Well they say the people you love the most can hurt you the worst, && that’s exactly what he was doing.
His blows were low. As low as those of her own design. Each one sent chills down her spine. Santana was usually on the other end of this kind of situation, && Blaine? She would never of expected Blaine to be the one to turn the tables around. First touching on her engagement, he hit the weak spot that came for Kurt in the first place. That deep layer of insecurity she masked so well with sheer anger && disgust towards one of her best friends. It didn’t help that his next turn was right where her thoughts were headed next. The fact that the person she hurt cared about her. He cared enough to stand up to her even when he knew she’d retaliate ( even though he couldn’t of been prepared for how far she really went ). He cared && put himself out there to be by her side. Then there she went, betraying him because it was the only reaction that felt right for how he made her feel. It seemed people were correct all along, in calling her the wicked bitch of the west.
In stopping there, he could of seen her storm out, could of left her remorseful && insecure until their little world patched itself back up again. The way they always believed it could. Only this time, that wasn’t so certain. Blaine had used the ammo that could truly tear her to pieces. The one thing that openly brought her dark hues to tears, glazing over them like crystals. He brought up her feelings for Finn. For what Kurt did when he learned how much pain she was in after losing him. One of the touchiest subjects the female ever had to face. So when his rant finished, Santana felt destroyed. Broken past repair. && what made it so much worse? Was that she always knew somewhere deep down, pass the cockiness && laughter — that there was no going back. She was broken, && now THEY were broken too. Him calling her out caused the tears, ones that she was ready to run off && hide from the world. But his final words, his mention of being ALONE, is what provoked her to lift her hand. Ready to slap him HARD for what he dared to say. Only instead he was barely threatened. There was just a jerking movement that almost hit it’s target. The strike was just barely held back by what little will power she had left. In fear of putting them both in more misery, unstable && quick movements brought her away from him, not pausing once as she headed for the door.
The lowest blow he dealt came from a ledge that gave way to nothing but darkness he tiptoed past for months and artfully dodged by turning a blind eye to it and then turning to therapy when he couldn’t anymore. Thanks to Dave being the one to intervene when he saw it inside Blaine’s eyes when their conversations turned to feelings and Blaine–who was so often the first to wear his heart on his sleeve when it came to how he felt–couldn’t talk without shaking, tears building up and anger always was the last and most overwhelming emotion to follow. Dave connected to it. Dave was helping him fix it and he was so, so sure they won. His days were brighter, life was good, he was happy. If he ever doubted it on important days between him and Kurt (their wedding date was the worst)? He avoided the calendar, fell in love with his Warblers then went home to Dave for comfort.
This story was never going to end. Was it? Months of putting Kurt out of his mind were torn away with the arrival of his ex and all the feelings that he swore to God he was over, were there waiting for him to find inside Kurt’s presence that didn’t belong in the life he made here. They were done. Kurt was in New York and he was in Ohio and building something. Why did his heart have to break when he saw Kurt hurting and knew he was hurting because of him? Kurt was the one to end things. Kurt realized his mistake too late. It wasn’t fair for him to come back and complicate things. WHY was he complicating things in the first place? There shouldn’t be things for him to complicate! So here he was. Arriving just to tell her how wrong that was and then—. Hell bent on focusing all his frustration that came rushing in on her.
He never should have made the mistake and called him like Rachel asked him to. The way Kurt’s voice cracked was the splintering line of his patience and usual gentility when handling a volatile situation. Or person. Or himself.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to rip her in half. She didn’t deserve that. Yes, Santana needed to hear a piece of someone’s mind but…he went too far. For the wrong reasons. Suddenly–he just wanted to be at home. As quickly as it flared up, the anger rushed out leaving him spent and catching up to what he just said. Oh God, he hated himself the second he did.
“Santana? Wait,” his voice lost it’s razorblade sharpness as he bolted after her. “I shouldn’t have said.. Would you just hold up?!” Without thinking, he drew near enough to reach her elbow and try to get her to stop. She had to hear him out. She had to.
Patrick was starting to fall in love with living in New York. He had been there for four months and definitely had to adapt to the new city, but he was finally beginning to find the sparkle in the Big Apple. He was unsure at first. The west coast was the complete polar opposite of what he was used to. The people were nicer back home, and he could walk into a coffee shop without the line being packed like sardines, but the little downfalls were in no comparison to the grandeur of the city.
Patrick passed the Empire State Building every day on his way to work. The view of the skyscraper never got old. He felt like a tourist every time he craned his neck to view the top. The pizza couldn’t be compared to anything else, and the amount of diversity was refreshing. He was glad he made the decision to move for his career.
The loneliness definitely hit him at times, though. Patrick found himself exploring the city constantly, forcing himself to learn the streets and discover new gems. His newest location was Grand Central Station. He wanted to take the subway to see Coney Island. The station itself was stunning. He found himself gazing at the elaborate tile on the ceiling, and listening to the gorgeous piano music playing.
Patrick made it to his subway stop a few minutes later, finding out that the piano music wasn’t a recording. A rather attractive boy sat at a public piano, his fingers effortlessly flowing over white and black keys. He smiled and approached him from behind, humming softly as the familiar tune of “Piano Man” by Billy Joel was played. Jonathan joined him without hesitation, his hand playing a simple tune in unison as he joined in to harmonize with the younger man.
“We’re all in the mood for a melody, and you’ve got us feelin’ alright…”
Blaine called New York City home for years now. They had a tumultuous love affair. Sometimes they loved each other fiercely. She treated him well and gave him opportunities that he would never be able to thank her for. Others? Others they were two sides of their own separate storms. Crashing violently together leaving him wondering why he ever thought setting foot on one inch of concrete here was ever a good idea. She always fought her hardest then. Did the most damage. Stripped people and emotions away without a second thought.
Yet? He never left. Because–deep down–he loved her more than anything. New York City was his one constant that showed him many faces and left him reeling from the spin but had his devotion through thick and thin and everything in between.
It’d been over a year since the last collision had him rebuilding everything he lost. He was a different person. Grown into someone that–perhaps–he’d always been but it took being alone to find. Sure–he had friends but they were living their own lives. Finding out who they were and what they were capable of. The one thing Blaine learned the most during this calm?
Yes. He could make it on his own.
The sun was back. He was happy again.
Life became a simple adventure with small twists and turns but had it’s routine that rarely changed. He’d wake up in the mid-morning after working at the bar in Little Italy and go through his morning ritual. Though there was less gel and less pomp and circumstance to it. Then? For the better part of the afternoon–he’d wander around and spend time with his constant and find something new or not so new to do. Like the piano experiment in Grand Central.
Just as he was near the last few lines–a stranger joined him on his bench. He wasn’t the first but he was definitely the first to ever sing along. Blaines eyes lit up with an old familiar twinkle of sunshine. “It’s a pretty good crowd for a Saturday. And the manager gives me a smile. ‘Cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been comin’ to see. To forget about life for a while..”
“Yes, yes I did. And you do. You suck very much,” Dave pretended to pout. Of course, he was joking, and he knew just as well as he was sure Blaine knew that he was. Dave wished that he hadn’t pulled back so soon. He had learned recently that Blaine’s lips were more than addicting, and if he really wanted to, he could spend a whole day just worshiping those lips. Dave was flushing. Maybe christening their voyage like this was tacky. Maybe it was a dumb idea to make a toast. Maybe he should have just stuck to kissing Blaine, it would have been less tacky. Yet, it seemed like Blaine liked it. He perked up, proud that he was able to garner this reaction from the other. “I can do cute things occasionally. Just…This is special. It’s like another big step in our relationship, you know? First it was meeting my dad, and now this? We’re going on this trip together and it’s just so awesome because I can’t think of anyone else I would want to go on this with, and I just can’t wait to be on the road with you,” he hummed, clinking his glass with Blaine’s glass. He sipped his drink, knowing it tasted better simply because of Blaine. He let out a surprised noise when Blaine kissed the corner of his mouth, but he turned, kissing the other once more. “You’re welcome. Thank you.”
Dave being so visibly happy with himself that he found his little surprise so sweet caused Blaine’s eyes to soften and his smile to be nothing short of a fascinated part of lips and a tiny curve at the edges. How could he make someone so happy by just enjoying the idea that Dave was thinking about him and them so much that he’d go out of his way to come up with something so, so, so..perfect? A perfect way to begin their trip together. Alone. Dave finding joy in the idea he brought Blaine joy? Blaine felt his heart become so light he imagined it might fly out of his chest. It was a sensation he didn’t think he could ever or would let himself feel again. And when it came to him from out of the blue? It brought such an overwhelming feeling of..breathing. Like breathing after only getting in gasps for air while he felt like he was suffocating for months. Dave coming into his life and helping him? That was his head bobbing to the surface and air rushing into his lungs. This small moment where he saw nothing but adoration and joy in Dave’s eyes? Over a pair of plastic champagne glasses and bubbling apple juice? Was it weird that it hit him so hard?
Blaine carefully sat his glass in the console and moved his palm to cup Dave’s cheek. His expression said everything as he stroked the pad of his thumb back and forth. “You’re so–. You’re amazing,” he snagged the corner of his bottom lip but freed it with a gentle smile, “I’m so ready for this step in our relationship. We’re going to have a great time. Together. I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be than right here. Or the road but I’m in no rush for that.” He had to chuckle. Otherwise? He might want to sit here, not move, and just hug the man to death.
“I promise.” He said softly. Kurt couldn’t describe how great it felt that he could calm Blaine down. That he was allowed to hold him like this. He wondered if it would be more poetic or humorous if he were an undead creature, how his heart seemed to stop when Blaine kissed him. Technically he might be, depending on the definition. He was killed but brought back as something else. He had a heart and a pulse just the same as any living creature. A different kind, but it was there. This was something he usually thought about in his spare time, not a serious situation. But honestly, when he felt Blaine cupping his face it was just so familiar it was heartbreaking.
Blaine wasn’t the last person he’s kissed anymore until that moment. Interesting from a distance how he could not only leave without a word but let himself be with someone else. If it crossed his mind then he’d be guilty, but he was hardly thinking for the time being aside from a simple ‘Don’t thank me’– He wasn’t lying but he might not be the right person to be here for Blaine. At this point it might be entirely selfish. That wasn’t about to stop him. He already was here. If he was going to keep his distance then he wouldn’t have come at all. This might not be good for either of them. Mostly, this might do more damage than good for Blaine. What was going to happen when he asked questions the next time? How many details would he have to tell him? Lying, and cheating, and dying and killing- maybe what went through his head during any given part of the story. It was a long story.
He did miss Blaine. He missed when this felt like home. Kurt didn’t have a person to call that as things are. Holding Blaine was like sleeping in his old room again; he wanted to be there but it was strangely…Crushing.
Red-laced hazel eyes softened at Kurt’s promise, staring up into the eyes that his brain refused to think of anything other than familiar. In spite of how they changed–Blaine was getting awfully good at lying to himself and pretending hard enough that he could believe what he convinced himself of to get by. His fingers curled against Kurt’s cheeks gliding his knuckles in a tender caress down the sides of his neck until they dropped to his shoulders. There were so many questions teetering on the fragile tightrope inside his mind that he walked across. But–in the end–he couldn’t bring himself to ask them because he wasn’t sure he could take the answers. Not yet. Not now. Not when he had Kurt’s arms still around him and that unending sway.
Instead–he clutched onto Kurt and let the weight of months of ache, worry, and losing his mind slide away. It could be the most dangerous thing he could do–sure. Falling back into the gravity that he lost when Kurt disappeared though? It wasn’t something he wanted to fight. He’d been waiting for so long for this. Now, he had it. Another brush of lips against the edge of Kurt’s then Blaine tucked his head down. Exhaling hard–he sagged against him and stayed there savoring how their chests rose and fell. His weight Kurt supported increased little by little over the span of minutes. The more he let go of the exhaustion he’d been holding back, the heavier it sank in just how much was waiting to catch up. He could fall asleep on his feet this felt so warm and perfect and–
He sharply sniffed, blinking back awake. Was he really drifting off? –No. Wake up. You just got him back. Wake up!– “Sorry–I’m awake.” Was it weird that an old bad habit of shaking off sleep was something that made him smile lazily because he let it? In comparison to not being able to? That this felt so much better. In the past? Before Kurt left? It was because he wanted their time together to not end. Be it cuddling, talking–other things. Blaine leaned back enough that he could look up at Kurt’s jaw as another wave of sleep lost the battle against his willpower but his legs feeling like they were in cement? Not so much. “Can we just lay down?”
When Blaine didn’t fight him, it was relief. But soon he was melting against Kurt and he missed it so much- missed how easy to was to be wrapped around Blaine. He held him close and hoped placing his cold hand on the back of Blaine’s neck wasn’t uncomfortable. Despite the tears and the strong emotion in the room it felt like a brief peace to Kurt until Blaine spoke.
Not for one second had he thought he could cause this. Hell, even before Oliver he always assumed he would be more damaged if they ever broke up. But here he was, guilty and honestly scared by his own effect. How did this happen? How did any of it happen? Nothing went how he thought it would, how it should have gone, instead he wound up here. He wished it was enough. No ‘I didn’t want this’ was going to make either of them feel better though.
Kurt did not speak. He unknowingly swayed them both just slightly, playing with Blaine’s hair, and not making a sound. Some unmeasured time passed – he guessed it wasn’t actually more than a few minutes, but it felt like so long – before he dared try to speak, but when he did he was steady. Emotion conveyed in his voice, but still calm all the same, similar to defeat he supposed.
“We can make this ok, Blaine. We can.” And they would. Eventually, it would be ok. He would not leave Ohio without making it right on some level.
Blaine seemed to not notice the chill of Kurt’s touch. Or if he did? He didn’t react to it in a negative way. No pulling back, sharp breaths or flinching at the contrast of the heat radiating off his skin verses the cool of Kurt’s. How could he shrug away or feel anything but the touch he was internally screaming to have for what felt like an agonizing forever? The bridge of his nose only fit tighter against Kurt’s neck as desperate arms closed tight around Kurt’s shoulders.
He’d begged Kurt to let them make it okay. Took his heart and wore it on his sleeve for Kurt to see he meant every word. Like he didn’t know that already. There wasn’t anything else he could do. Was there? It didn’t stop his mind from being a storm of confusion and despairing racking as he tried to figure out if there was and what it could be. Calm only came as Kurt began to sway them. The motion of their rocking and Kurt’s arms were soothing when what answer he could be waiting for could possibly be anything but. His weight rested more heavily against the familiarity of Kurt’s chest. Lungs heaved in a breath and then deflated to a normal pattern instead of panicked and shallow. Kurt had to feel this too. Didn’t he? That this was home and without it nothing seemed to fit right. Relief flooded in so fast that it was dizzying. “Promise?”
They could? Kurt said so and Blaine–in spite of the lies and him leaving–believed him. Why? Because he was Kurt and Blaine might be foolish but he was just so done not having anything solid to hold onto when it came to the man he loved that he’d take the promise and hang onto it because it was all he needed–for now. Lifting his head up–Blaine met those eyes bending his elbows between their bodies to cup Kurt’s cheeks. Without considering any other outcome–he kissed him for the first time in so long that it felt like the very first. But every time did for him and maybe that was his first mistake. From now on? He’d just kiss him like it was the last time instead. His heart clenched in his chest and a soft sigh touched Kurt’s lips–Blaine’s lingering dangerously close as he whispered, “Thank you.”
At eleven, people told him life would get better even though his father was labeled the murder of his mother. Barry would have to agree that is HAS gotten better, but it wasn’t perfect, it didn’t wash away the lingering sadness, and frustration that always seemed present in his heart. Yet, if someone asked him, he would gladly say he was happy, and it’s true– he was. It’s not a bad life, and he’s got a great best friend.
So even as he wrinkled his nose at the coffee he just got, sticking his tongue out in dismay. Ah yes, a little spoiled from Jitter’s coffee– better than Starbucks, and any other place in his opinion. And Iris wasn’t around to toss him an extra shot of espresso, or whip cream. Or some caramel, oh man, he could so go for some of that right now.
“This so sucks,” he muttered to himself, with a pout on his lips. Although he knew the best way to make things better, and that was food. Granted, he ate as much as bird accord to Iris– still didn’t mean Barry didn’t enjoy food. That was his current destination, somewhere to eat, a small cafe, take out, somewhere that catches his attention. He kind of wished he wasn’t walking around alone, he didn’t mind spending for alone time. Just sort of missing Iris, and back home at Central. Maybe he’ll call or skype her later. That sounded like a plan.
Finally he found a spot, and stepped inside– a little preoccupied with his phone, sending her a text to make sure she’d be free later that day. Maybe he’ll have something interesting to talk about.
New York during the winter. A lot of people complained about the chilly air or the fact they had to dig out of their houses if a bad snowstorm decided to hit. Blaine loved every second of it for those reasons. Cold air became an excuse to cuddle up. Snow was a reason to drag Sebastian outside and make him act like an idiot in snowball fights or roll up a snowman they could decorate.Christmas! Couldn’t have Christmas without winter. Or New Year’s in Times Square. Those were only a few reasons he could list of why winter was a sorely overlooked time of year.
Today was going wonderfully. Bundled up against the cold with a hot chocolate in hand he buried himself deeper into the thick dark blue crocheted scarf he stole from Sebastian’s closet as he mosied down the busy street. Inhaling deep to breathe in the smell of his boyfriend’s cologne, Blaine decided that becoming a clothing thief was soon to be one of his new daily habits. Because that smell reminded him of home.
An arm hooked to hold the shopping bags dangling from them lifted from his side to catch the door of the cafe he decided give a go for lunch. He held it back letting a couple pass by with a polite smile and nodded ‘you’re welcome’ to their thank you. Looking over the crowd to judge whether he should stay or go, Blaine did a double take and blinked. What were the chances? Sebastian? How? No, it was definitely Seb.
“Excuse me, sir, but I think you need to let me secretly shop for you when I say–I’m secretly shopping for you. I thought we agreed,” he slipped his hand over the phone to grab his attention, lifted up to his tip toes and pressed a kiss to ‘Sebastian’s’ lips. “You’re lucky I love you. Hi.”
pianokeysandbowties back up 