Tag: p: cooper (theindieflash)

cooper.

Cooper instinctively tightened his arm around Blaine, tugging him just a little close as he felt the other lean against him. Blaine always looked so small when he was like this, and Cooper just felt so helpless because he didn’t know what he could do that would possibly help his kid brother and pull him out of his funk. “You’re only human Squirt,” he said softly, his thumb rubbing small, comforting circles into the back of Blaine’s neck, letting out a small sigh as Blaine continued to beat himself up. Cooper knew that Blaine had always been more sensitive than him, that he felt things more than Cooper did, but as far as Cooper was concerned, Blaine just needed to give himself a break.

“Only you can answer that, Blaine,” Cooper told him, though his voice was soft and shown no hint of malice, just making an observation. “But the fact is, you did, and you can’t keep beating yourself up over it forever. You’ve gotta start to forgive yourself. I mean, you must’ve felt something at the time, right?” he asked, hoping that he was at least making some point, he wasn’t exactly known for giving stellar advice. Shaking his head, Cooper shifted slightly and placed his hands on Blaine’s shoulders, turning him to that he was facing him directly, “You don’t have to be for me, you know that, Squirt,” He knew that he wasn’t the best brother in the world, despite his best efforts, but he liked to try and be there for Blaine when he could, and since it seemed like Blaine was running low on options right now, Cooper was more than happy to step up to the plate, and be the anchor that Blaine so badly needed right now. “How about you let me be the strong one for a change, huh?”

Give himself a break?  Blaine didn’t know the meaning of the phrase.  Not when it came to this.  Every waking moment was spent trying to make himself let go of what he did.  To accept that he messed up so bad that nothing he did would ever fix it.  That there has to be a point in time where he’d realize that holding on was only putting himself through Hell each day.  It wasn’t healthy, wasn’t good for anyone.  Including the ones here, like Cooper and Sam, just doing their best to help.  But..  Telling yourself that and believing it?  Two different ballgames.  Feeling Cooper’s hold on him tighten, Blaine tightened his grip across his brother’s shoulders enough that, soon, he’d buried his nose against the curve of Cooper’s shoulder and arm, eyes shutting to block out the world so all that there was..was them.

“I can’t figure out an answer.  The only thing I felt was that everything was over and I was just forgotten.  That everything I was scared was going to happened—happened—but I wasn’t included in any of it.  I just–all sounds like excuses. I hate that part the worst.  Because I don’t want them to be,” he shut himself up when Cooper turned him so they were face-to-face and dropped both his hands into his lap thumbs battling one another almost immediately.  Hearing Cooper correct him had him drawing his bottom lip between his teeth.  He knew Cooper could handle a lot of things.  Problem was?  Blaine didn’t want his things to be something Cooper had to handle.  Yet here he was.  Offering.  And Blaine was so tired with how he was barely managing that he nodded quickly and all at once, his features crumbled.  “I’m just so sorry and I’m tired.  I’m so, so tired.”  His shoulders slumped.  “And nothing I do is working.”

theindieflash‌.

Cooper hadn’t seen it coming, which was pretty naive on his side really. But, in his defence he’d figured that Blaine would just be happy to see him, and he hadn’t really thought past that. So yeah, it was kinda his fault, but he wasn’t going to tell Blaine that as he tumbled forward, his body falling on top of Blaine’s as he fell face first into the pile of leaves. “You’re gonna regret that, Squirt,” Cooper grinned, lifting himself ever so slightly so that he could look down at his kid brother, though still making sure that Blaine was pinned beneath him – he wasn’t going to let him get away that easy.

Cooper was the big brother, he wasn’t going to let Blaine think that he’d won that round.

Reaching in front of him, Cooper scooped up a mound of fresh leaves and dumped them on top of Blaine, a bark of a laugh escaping him as he made sure not to leave a single piece of Blaine untouched as he playfully ruffled his hair, grinning brightly as a few leaves got caught up within Blaine’s hair. “And here I was thinking that you’d be pleased to see me,” he laughed, sitting up a little more and peering down at Blaine again. He reached up, running a hand through his own hair, rolling his eyes as he plucked out a couple of leaves of his own.

Cooper thudding down on top of him knocked his air out but Blaine fell into a giggle fit regardless.  Breathless and pitched as it was.  He couldn’t put a stop to it once it started either.  He was so caught up in laughing that he didn’t blink or grunt his disapproval of Squirt in the slightest.  Instead, he let himself exist in the happiness of having Cooper home.  Close enough to hold onto his arms and be close.  Like they were before age and distance separated them.  They were working on getting back to the past but better.  Moments like this were the best part of it.  Pinned in place, he kicked his feet against the ground but Cooper had height and, like him, he was stronger than he looked. 

Devlish glint in blue eyes.  Oh, he was in trouble wasn’t he?

Figuring he might be getting let off the hook, the younger Anderson decided to half sit up on one elbow while Cooper went and scooped up some leaves.  Nope..   Maybe he wasn’t let off as easy as he thought. 

Get one more dig in before he’s taken out?!  “Ooooh!  I get it!  You–!!!”  No such luck!  Leaves covered him.  Stuck to his cheek damp frrom tears of laughter.  His hair, his mouth.  They were everywhere.  “I WAS happy to see you,” long fingers playfully batted at Cooper’s hands trying to salvage what was left of his hair style.  It didn’t work.  And his dignity!  Panting as Cooper sat up, Blaine let his head fall against the pillow of dead leaves.  They crunched and tickled his ears and the back of his neck.  “Until you tortured me,” he grinned grabbing a few leaves off his chest and throwing them up at his brother.  “Is that why you came back?  I bet it is.  All that coffee talk?  Ploy to try to get the first strike.  Didn’t work.  I still win.”  Says the guy sprawled on his back and covered in leaves.

cooper.

Although Cooper liked to tease Blaine, which he did pretty often, he also liked seeing his brother’s sense of innocence, with the amount of time they spent apart, Cooper often forgot that technically Blaine was still a kid, and was certainly entitled to act like one every once in a while. So when Blaine sat up right, hair tussled slightly, with a few leaves stuck here and there for decoration, he couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his lips. Yeah, tease all he liked, but Cooper was happiest when he got to see Blaine happy.

His eyebrows shot up as Blaine tumbled back into the pile of leaves with a thud, craning his neck to take a better look, Cooper let out a sigh of relief as Blaine’s hand suddenly emerged from the leaves, and a fond laugh fell from his lips. Placing his hands on his hips, he rolled his eyes and stepped forward, peering down at his brother in amusement. “You didn’t need my help getting down there,” he grinned, shaking his head playfully as he leaned over to take a closer look at Blaine, mostly because he knew that if Blaine had somehow injured himself on Cooper’s watch, then it would definitely be his fault, and he hadn’t come all this way for that. “Fine…” Cooper said with an overly exasperated sigh, as he reached out and clasped his hand firmly around Blaine’s, “Up you get…” 

Blaine couldn’t help himself.  He grinned from ear to ear and waited for the sound of Cooper’s steps drawing near.  Soon as his brother was within reaching distance, he lifted one hand and shook a leaf out from underneath the cuff of his black coat.  Then, fingertips that jutted out from where his gloves ended halfway up his knuckles wriggled for the elder Anderson to take.  Underneath the cover of the leaves he let himself sink into, his heels found a solid push against the dirt, grass and bed of what leaves he didn’t kick out of the way.  He waited.  Round, expectant eyes stared up at his brother.  Their fingers laced together.  His hand close enough to the ground that Cooper would’ve had to lean just a little.  Which was all he needed.

His warning in the form of a toothy laugh   came a split second too late.  Light, carefree and so much outside of himself that it even broke into a completely unrestrained cackle.  Something he’d always found himself always just a little bit apprehensive about truly letting go in Cooper’s presence.  Always afraid that if he did?  When Cooper left?  He’d be left picking up the pieces of putting too much hope that they could be like they were years ago.  After he stopped being so annoying and Cooper started to realize how much he meant to Blaine.  He let himself steal that feeling all over again.  Lived and breathed in it and with a sharp inhale, he used Cooper’s hand giving it a pull before his free hand grabbed his brother’s forearm and all his strength suddenly tugged Cooper right down into the pile not giving a damn if he ruined all his work if it meant Cooper was on the ground with him.  Peals of laughter, scattered leaves and legs going all over.  Best way to say hello ever, yeah?  Much better than ‘let’s get coffee’!

There was no one home to see him go to town on the pile of leaves he managed to rake up only fifteen minutes prior. Oh, sure.  He stood there debating if he was going to do the thing or not while he finished what was left of his warm, spiced apple cider.  Maybe that was what pushed him over the edge and he entered why not territory.  Sugar rush much?  Freeing both hands by setting the Dalton emblemed thermos down on a wrought iron bench in the yard, the youngest Anderson tossed one glance over his shoulder.  Seeing no one?  His hands hit the ground on the very edge of the pile and a handstand later, his feet stayed in the air for a shift of weight from one hand to the next that brought him right over the heap of red, yellow, brown and orange.  

Gravity took care of the rest as he let himself fall into the smell of fall and the soft but crunchy bed of leaves sending them into the air, off to his sides, swallowing him up as he sank.  Bright cackles rolled out of him as he laid there laughing, kicking his feet to make the smell even more of a delicacy to savor.  It wasn’t until he heard someone clear their throat that he bolted into a sitting upright position, round eyes stared at Cooper on the patio.  He let Squirt slide..  “I…am one with the leaves,” but he blinked a second later and let himself fall backwards with a crackling thud.  A gloved hand rose up, fingers stretched towards Cooper and grabbed at the air. “Fine!  We’ll go get coffee.  Help me up?”  Grab, grab, wriggle..devious smile hidden from view thanks to an arch of his neck.  Go on.  Help him up, Cooper.   

@theindieflash ; continued from here.

theindieflash‌.

Cooper had known that something was up with Blaine, he’d seen him growing more and more distant, but he hadn’t known that things were this bad. Mostly because Blaine seemed to refuse to let him in, opting instead to suffer in silence. At first Cooper had thought that Blaine would eventually come around on his own, open up and Cooper would be there to offer some solace, but it hadn’t come. Now he was worried. He watched as Blaine seemed to crumble in front of him, and silently Cooper shifted a little closer to his kid brother, slipping his arm around Blaine’s shoulder and giving him a little squeeze, letting Blaine finally talk. 

The silence lingered around them for a little while, Cooper taking a few minutes to gather his thoughts, not wanting to accidentally make things worse. “You know that’s okay, right Squirt?” he finally said, his voice soft as he spoke, his thumb gently rubbing against Blaine’s shoulder, “No one has all the answers, and everyone goes through a tough time every now and then. You might feel lost right now, but you’ve got people around you who care about you, you know that, right?” he turned his head to the side, studying Blaine for a moment, not entirely sure where he was going with this. He wasn’t exactly known for giving profound advice, Cooper was the fun brother, not the serious well spoken one. But he knew that he had to try something, anything that would potentially help Blaine through whatever was going on in that head of his. 

“This isn’t just about the competition tomorrow, is it?”

Blaine’s knee began to bounce against the lip of his chair once Cooper’s arm wrapped around his shoulders.  The stoic expression he was doing his damnedest to keep began to dissolve and the crinkle between his brows was the first sign of how hard he was fighting to keep so much inside.  Swallowing around the rock in his throat, he cautiously let his head rest against the inside of Cooper’s shoulder.  Without any hesitation he might’ve had before because he knew Cooper didn’t particularly do the whole moments like this thing and his sophomore year before Dalton, no doubt, cashed a lot of those in–his fingers wrapped around Cooper’s wrist keeping his arm and hand right where they were.  “Is it though?  Is it okay?  I’m not sure.  I’m just expected not to be,” he shook his head the best he could given his position.  “I’m not sure how to fix everything.  One huge mistake and everything feels so..different.”  Blowing it beyond repair?  Wow.  He never knew he’d be so good at it.

“No.  It’s not only about the competition.  It’s about everything.”

Shutting his eyes, he blew out a breath and ignored how his eyelids felt like they were on fire.  Or how his breath would only come in short jerks that barely gave him enough air.  “I don’t know where to go or what to do.”  Licking his lips, he glanced up at the line of Cooper’s jaw with blood shot eyes but at least he was breathing deeply and his voice only cracked a little bit.  “Why did I do that, Coop?  Why’d I ruin everything?”  Cooper didn’t have to answer.  How could his brother know why when he could only chalk it up to having himself to blame?  “Sorry.  You didn’t sign up for this.  I’ll be okay,” he shrugged and gave Cooper a wobbly smile.  “Always am.”

cooper.

Cooper’s eyebrows shot up as Blaine suddenly blurted out everything, he’d known that Blaine wasn’t himself, but he wasn’t quite expecting that. Still, he’d offered to help, and he was still working on being the big brother that Blaine deserved, so he made a mental vow to do whatever he could to help Blaine get through all of this. “Okay…” he said slowly, picking up the two mugs and carrying them over to the table in the middle of the room, gesturing for Blaine to follow him, this wasn’t a conversation that imagined they could have standing up.

“So when you say chaotic, you mean…?” he was a little ashamed to admit that he didn’t know the entirety of what was going on with his brother right now, he knew he had that competition the next morning, when Cooper was planning on showing up show his support, but everything else? Yeah, he didn’t have a clue. He picked up his mug, taking a small sip from it, though he kept his eyes fixed on Blaine, studying him the entire time, “You know you’re going to kick ass tomorrow, you were born to be on that stage, you don’t need to question that, ever. But, everything else? That’s just life, Squirt, none of us can predict what’s going to happen, we just have to ride it out. But you don’t need to keep it to yourself, don’t bottle it up until it gets you like this, you hear me?” he reached across the table, placing his hand on top of Blaine’s and giving it a little squeeze.

Sitting down facing Cooper, Blaine lifted his bare feet and pressed the backs of his heels against the lip of his chair.  Knees bent and shins braced to the edge of the table, he wrapped one arm loosely around his knees and stretched the other out as far as he could.  Fingers up, a slight curl to them was a silent plea for a touch or anything close to it that he could get to feel connected to someone who’d keep him grounded.  The world felt like it was slipping away.  Like at any moment, the floor could open up and he’d fall in and end up tumbling head over heels in a dizzying forever.  Because that’s what every night felt since he lost Kurt.  Why?  He was so stupid and ruined them.  That’s why.  Half his friends were gone.  The place he was drawn to return to because it felt like home, when McKinley felt like a haunted house he had to walk through the halls of day in and day out, seemed to be crumbling apart at the hands of a psycho.  Instead of fixing it, of fighting for the place he loved, he went back to McKinley.  Essentially turning his back on people who meant the world to him and needed him because what the hell were they becoming?

And that was only the dark part of the iceberg.  The stuff above the surface?  The smaller things? Were so stacked on top of each other that he felt like they could reach the sky and disappear into the clouds.  “This isn’t like me.  I know,” the touch he was waiting for came and he clamped his hand around Cooper’s tight holding on for dear life.  “I talk about my problems.  I don’t get this way.  Or so everyone thinks..  How am I supposed to ride this out, Coop?  I don’t even know what road I’m on..  I’m..I’m lost.  For the first time in over a year.  I feel..,” his shoulders shrugged hopelessly in time with the word, “lost.  I’m trying so hard to find my way back again.  I will.  I always do.  I’m just struggling right now.   That’s all.”

cooper.

“You can’t think like that, Squirt, you’re not going to let anyone down,” Cooper told him, his voice was a little firmer than usual, mostly because he hated Blaine being so hard on himself. That wasn’t his kid brother, and he didn’t want him ending up on some sort of downward spiral. He turned his head to the side when Blaine dropped down into the vacant seat next to him. He let out a sigh, turning his body a little more so that he was facing him directly, and placed his hands on Blaine’s shoulders as he forced him to look at him. “I’m more worried about tonight, if I’m being honest, B,” his voice was a little softer now, tipping his head a little so that he could meet Blaine’s eyes, like he was trying to find something in them, something that Blaine wasn’t saying aloud.

“You sure this is just about the competition?” he asked, his question lingering in the air as he removed a hand to let Blaine pick up his cup to take a sip of his drink. He could smell his own drink, but that could wait a few more minutes, he just wanted answers right now. “You know you can talk to me Squirt, about anything,”

Cooper settling in close with his hands on his shoulders caught Blaine’s attention more than just the sound of his voice as they spoke and Blaine did his best to make his own steady and not so lost.  The warmth seeping into his skin from Cooper’s palms was much more comforting than sitting at a table, close to someone but still feeling alone.  Hearing that Cooper was worried pushed Blaine’s bottom lip up against the other in an apologetic pout of a frown.  He met Cooper’s gaze only after his brother chased his down a couple times as Blaine tried to dart his to more neutral territory before Cooper ended up locking his attention into his bright blue stare.

The question hit him square in the chest.  He wasn’t fully prepared to answer something he came downstairs to try to shake off.  “I…  I know I can.  I promise.  It’s not that I don’t think I can talk to you, Coop.”  Raising a hand to cover the top of the one Cooper left behind on his shoulder, Blaine gave his hand a squeeze and his expression softened.  “It’s not that.  I’m just,” he frowned hating that he was still trying to find excuses or skirt around the question even when Cooper was clearly concerned.  Caving in, Blaine deflated and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.  “I just feel like this is the only thing I can control right now.  Everything else, in my life and head, is just so chaotic.  This is the one thing that shouldn’t be but I can’t focus enough for it not to start slipping into that same mess and it feels like it is..”

cooper.

Cooper rubbed a hand over his face, suppressing a yawn,·“Kinda figured that out for myself, Squirt,” he told him, walking further inside the kitchen and leaning up against the counter, watching as Blaine moved from one end of the room to the other to fetch the milk.·“What have you got to be nervous about, you know you’re going to smash it, you always do,” he shrugged, stretching his arms above his head. He turned his head a little, lips pressed together as he listened to his brother ramble, the usual confident young man seemed to have disappeared before his very eyes, and he couldn’t understand why.·“B, you don’t need warm milk to give you that confidence that you’re known for. You’ve just got to get up on the stage and own it, I know you can do it, and deep down so do you,”

His eyes studied Blaine for a moment, quickly waking up a little more as he realised that this wasn’t going to just be a quick check in before disappearing back up to bed again.·“Might as well, I’m already up, might as well make it worth my while,” he shrugged, moving to sit down in a nearby chair, turning around slightly so that he could still see Blaine.·

Pausing mid-stir, Blaine blinked up at Cooper. His brother was right to call him out.  He knew he was different lately. Lately meaning way too long now but it was even more embarrassing if he kept track. so he tried not to.  The confidence he normally exuded became harder and harder to hang onto.  He wasn’t doing that great of a job at faking it either. Willpower to do so went past hard to come by and it all chipped away at him inside until outside it was just too much to keep up with.  Blaine was trying..just sometimes (like tonight) trying wasn’t good enough.  

Still?  Having the truth served up so abruptly made him suddenly aware of how off his mark he let himself be seen.  It was embarrassing but an eye opener.  As much as an eye opener can happen in the wee hours of the morning.  “I know I can perform. At least I think I do.  It’s just that I can’t stand the idea of letting anyone else down.  Weneed this so bad.  I just need to focus but my brain’s,” his fingers lifted and wriggled next to the side of his head, “all distracted and scattered.  Tomorrow, I’ll be fine.  Promise.”  Cooper’s and his mugs were sat on the table where he plopped down in a chair beside his brother trying to sound as convincing as he was attempting to be to himself.  “Just pre-show jitters.  I guess even I can get them..,” he rolled his eyes and smiled cutting himself off with a sip.

meme continuation. @theindieflash​

Time to admit defeat.  Sleep just wasn’t going to happen.  Blaine ran his fingers through a disheveled mop of curls that were left reshaping themselves into their disarrayed state after his shower hours ago as he walked, light as possible, down the hallway towards the kitchen.  He poked at Kurt the first time he heard about Finn’s warm milk..  Lesson learned. It didn’t do the drink every time he struggled with falling asleep but _with any luck _tonight would be one of the times it did.

Standing over the stove with a pot in his hand–Blaine turned as he heard Cooper’s voice cringing when he realized he woke him up.  “Hey, Coop.  I was trying to be quiet,” he smiled guiltily as he sat the pot on the stove and went to the fridge to grab out the milk.  “I couldn’t sleep.  Every time I tried, my head started spinning.  There’s so much riding on winning tomorrow.  I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous,” not missing a beat he went back to the stove and turned a burner on, “I was thinking that, maybe, I could find the confidence I keep telling people to have at the bottom of a warm cup of milk.  If not? Potentially sleeping might be a good trade.”  Catching himself, he pressed his lips together and bowed his head–deflating in a deep sigh.  “Sorry..  Rambling.   Would you like some?”