“It’s fine.” Well no, actually it wasn’t fine. At all. Elliott shouldn’t be so fucking self-conscious, or so fat, or so God damn bad at being a good…boyfriend? partner? friend with benefits? Whatever the hell they were.
He didn’t really respond to the kiss, a little lost in his own momentary self loathing to actually register what was going on. After a moment though, he caught the tail end of what Blaine was saying, and gave a more genuine little smile back.
“Yeah, okay.” Elliott agreed, nodding and stepping back from Blaine with a ever so slight frown blooming across his face – although this one was more about having to let him go then being upset with himself. He stepped away to head to the kitchen, although for a moment he couldn’t help but let his eyes linger on Blaine, a much softer smile coming onto his face.
Blaine cringed inwardly as he pulled away from the kiss with a quizzitive blink. He stood still trying to piece together how to fix the feeling in the air between them back to what it was before changed and turned Elliott away from wanting to kiss him back. When he got the smile he was looking for after a few stomach churning beats, Blaine mirrored it and then stepped back watching as Elliott moved towards the kitchen.
Sticking his bottom lip between his teeth, Blaine gave the poor strip of skin a good chew as he walked into the bathroom and shut the door. “Damn it,” he breathed as his clothes were tossed one piece at a time into the hamper. At least the water was warm and the smell of vanilla filled the room. Inhaling deep, the increasingly frazzled musician tried to let the sweet-scented steam untangle his nerves from the mess they were on the verge of wrapping themselves into.
Great. Not two months into whatever they are and that sinking feeling that he was on the road to messing up again was lurking just beyond his spot of luck at finding someone like Elliott and started to claw it’s way back to greet him with a yank to his insides. Why did he say that? He should have known better. What Elliott was going through was the same thing he went through a year ago and it was a horrid feeling. Suggesting the two of them do such a thing was a dumb mistake. One he swore he wasn’t going to make ever again.
A smirk grew over Elliott’s face as he pretended to consider what Blaine said, before he was speaking in an overly cocky tone. “No, actually I think I’m about as amazing as they come. No room for improvement.”
A little peal of laughter left his lips after he said that, before he was turning his head to catch the edge of Blaine’s lips in the kiss too. It was nice to just tease and banter like this with his partner and not have to worry he’d come off as too cocky, or have to backtrack when he saw an eye twitching. Like with Kurt; he loved the guy, but God did he need to learn how to take a joke sometimes. It was almost cringe worthy.
“Pasta works,” Elliott was about to ask what kind when Blaine was making his…proposition. The smile fell from Elliott’s lips as he shook his head, trying to keep up the carefree expression – but they both knew the answer that was coming. The same sort of answer he always had for ideas like that.
“I – no. I’d rather not Blaine, I’m not really in the mood.” Scratch that, he was never in the mood. Too much closeness combined with a lack of clothes? That was a recipe for him to have another little body conscious freak out. He wasn’t going to risk putting Blaine through that again, and he straight up just wasn’t comfortable enough to agree off the bat like that.
Nuh-Uh.
“You know? You’re right. No room for improvement. When it comes to you? You’re perfect. I’m just lucky I get the chance to experience it.” He grinned, paying no mind to Elliott’s laughter. Because? Joking aside. Elliott was right although he was far too humble to ever admit to it. How could someone so kind, honest and supportive of everyone in his life not be perfect? Elliott Gilbert was that and more personified.
Seeing the expression on Elliott’s face suddenly change the second he asked the question he knew he shouldn’t have, Blaine felt his heart drop to his feet and then past that. Three floors down to the cement roof of the basement, actually. Why did he ask that? He already knew the answer.
Elliott wasn’t alone in going through a patch of time where he felt too conscious about himself to let go. Blaine was there. It was a horrible, dark place to be in. And he wanted to give Elliott the space and time and proper reassurance through every means possible to understand just how beautiful he truly was. A heaviness that didn’t dissipate when Elliott tried to regain the lightness of their banter made Blaine regret what came out of his mouth even deeper watching the other try to hide it.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.. I don’t know where my head went. You make it too fun to tease you back is all,” both hands gently clasped Elliott’s biceps and Blaine lifted himself back up to press a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Spaghetti and marinara. If you were wondering. I’ll see you after my shower. Okay?”
“No. Scared is, well, scared – startled is like a moment of shock.” Elliott kept arguing his case even though he didn’t really need to or gain anything from it – he just couldn’t help it. When Blaine tiptoed up Elliott couldn’t deny the little bit of warmth and care he felt; it was just such an adorable little action, from such a loved little guy.
After a few moments of them hugging like that, Elliott started to hum gently, swaying a inch or so from side to side in a soothing manner. It looked like Blaine hadn’t had an easy day, and Elliott was more than happy to try and make it that much better with some hugs and love. It was the least Blaine deserved.
“I think,” He eventually started, breaking the near silence between them. “You should go and have a bath while I cook dinner. You look like it’s been a really rough day.”
“Okay. Well. Sorry for shocking you so bad then.” Blaine smirked and lost the battle with holding in his laughter as he swayed along with Elliott. This was perfectly peaceful and exactly what he needed after the day he had. NYADA students weren’t known for their non-dramatic way of dealing with things. And it felt like his plate was full with it from minute one until he was practically rushing out the doors to come HOME at the end of his classes.
Being pulled half a dozen directions all at once would wear anyone down. Toss in every person doing the pulling or tugging acting like it was the end of their world if he didn’t follow along and help? Yeah. That bath sounded fantastic.
“Honestly, Elliott? Can you be anymore amazing?” Lifting up onto his toes, the shorter of the pair pressed a kiss to the edge of the other’s mouth. “How about pasta night? I’ll help with a salad when I’m out of the bath. Okay? Or…” Even better? “You know you could join me and we we could work on dinner together when we’re done.. Just an idea,” he hummed and then let his lip twist into a flirtatious grin. “You know..a thought. Could be nice?”
“You didn’t scare me, you startled me.” Elliott’s accent came through thick on the scared, dragging it out automatically. “There’s a difference.” It was a joking kind of defence, told with a warm smile and equally warm body language.
“Hi.” He repeated Blaine’s hello softly, the smile transitioning from a joking one to something far more raw – his entire body behaviour becoming that little bit SOFTER as Blaine whispered. God, he was just to cute for Elliott to even deal with.
“You’re not sorry and you know it – but I think I can let it slide for one of my favourite people.” He used the arms around Blaine’s waist to pull him closer again, leaving them chest to chest as he pressed a kiss to Blaine’s head.
“Sort of the same thing, isn’t it,” Blaine grinned as he watched Elliott relax easing his guilt for making the poor man jump. Startling and scaring were pretty similar in the whole jump reaction factor. Either or was not the reaction he was going for but all was well and he was drawn into the warmth that the other began to radiate once again.
Being pulled in close, Blaine’s arms went up to wrap themselves around Elliott’s broad shoulders. One wrist caught with the opposite hand and locked gently in place. He lifted his heels up to catch a kiss to the edge of Elliott’s jawline before letting his forehead against the steady rise and fall of Elliott’s chest.
Hazel eyes fell lightly shut and he lingered there, relaxing and letting himself be held. It was a peaceful thing to come home to at the end of a far too long day. Whatever they were becoming together, surprising as it unfolded, was quickly becoming something safe, warm day in and day out. Could he expect anything else considering who he was becoming it with? Absolutely not.
Quiet tip toes on bare feet let him sneak up behind Elliott without being noticed. Blaine held his breath behind his ear to ear grin as he pulled his sneakiest approach yet. His master plan of embracing the much taller of the pair from behind went off without a flaw! Well. He didn’t mean to startle the poor guy but the happy look on Elliott’s face that greeted him once he realized who was giving him this impromptu hug was worth the pang of guilt he felt for scaring him.
Triumphantly beaming–hazel eyes met Elliott’s as he spun around and put them face to face. “Who else did you think I’d be? I didn’ mean to scare you. As far as I know, no mysterious hugger is going around Manhattan breaking into apartments to give the owners random hugs,” he winked then turned his head to press a soft kiss into Elliott’s palm. “Hi,” he whispered not really moving too far back to do so. “Did I interrupt you? Sorry.” Not really.
Elliott smiled right back at Blaine, looking down at him and entwining their fingers. He just felt so lucky right now, to have Blaine in his life and like this – it was…well, it was just perfect.
“I…Yeah, I suppose.” Elliott was clearly still struggling with accepting that idea, he hated how similar the feeling was to being that closeted teen, or that boyfriend people were disappointing to say they were dating, or that guy people laughed at, or – NO.
Elliott took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down before his thoughts got out of hand, pressing his cheek against the top of Blaine’s head for a moment, grounding himself.
“Yeah. Yeah, we do.”
“Yeah..” Dragging the tips of his fingers back and forth over the back of Elliott’s hand that he held, Blaine smiled and let a soft of calm quiet settle between them. It was a nice break from the instant worry that the kiss they shared earlier seemed to throw Elliott into.
He didn’t mean for something that was supposed to feel good, something that just happened because they’d been lured into one another, to turn into a pathway to fret over every detail of the future.
Blaine spent years thinking about the FUTURE. When so much of it went wrong so fast that he was still trying to get the last of the ache from whiplash to go away. All he wanted to do was think about the now. As strange as it felt for him after so long of not, this–THIS was nice.
Closing his eyes as he felt Elliott’s cheek against the top of his head, his caress disappeared only to dance along blindly along Elliott’s neck letting that silence linger until he interrupted it softly, “So. How about dinner in? I can order food and we can watch mind numbing movies?”
Elliott didn’t say anything in response, letting Blaine’s words wash over him and enjoying the sheer CALM that came with it. He was pretty relaxed as it is, a calm guy and all, but this? He was feeling better by the MINUTE.
“I suppose…” Elliott still didn’t know how to voice his concerns properly, but as he moved to lean into Blaine, free hand resting on the others waist, it felt like it was okay that he didn’t know.
“I just…I don’t want them to feel like we’re hiding something, you know? It’s hard to do something like go on a date or…well anything really, with how nosey our friends are.” And his near nightly calls with Dani about their days.
“But I – I agree, a few days to just find out what we are would be…Well, it’d be nice.” He’d never had that opportunity before in his life, and he felt a little rude for just how much he wanted it. To shape what his relationship was like without people’s judgement. A relationship that didn’t start out as public knowledge would be perfect.
Elliott finally relaxing a bit gave Blaine the breathing room he needed to let himself relax. The last thing he wanted was for something that just happened and had endless possibilities–good possibilities–to wind up as something for either one of them to go into a panic attack over.
He’d had enough of being nervous, being torn up, being everything negative for a while now. This was a chance to feel calm, reassured, at peace. It might be greedy to ask Elliott to keep this for them only right off bat but he needed the break. The chance to breathe without feeling the suffocating drama and attention from everyone.
“Thank you,” he smiled and covered Elliott’s hand on his waist with his closest palm then let his head fall to rest on the taller man’s shoulder. A tilt of his cheek against it let him peek up at Elliott’s profile and offer him an ear to ear smile.
“They can wait and when we figure this all out, we can tell them together. I only want us to get to know each other like this first..,” he hummed with a lightly teasing lift of his brows, “And I’m letting myself be greedy for a change and keeping you and me and whatever this is the beginning of for myself to enjoy. I think we deserve that. Don’t we?”
Elliott let Blaine tug him along, dimly aware of his state of dress – but that was in the back of his mind if Elliott where to be perfectly honest. He had far more pressing issues to be concerning himself with.
“I know – I know he’s a good person Blaine.” And Elliott thanked his lucky stars to get friends like he had, Kurt and Dani most of all.. He loved them with all his heart; that’s why he was so God damn SCARED of how they’d all react.
Elliott sat on the sofa with a little gap between him and Blaine, sitting on one of his feet so he could face Blaine while they talked. He moved his hand too, entwining their fingers so he wouldn’t let go. God knows Elliott needed the contact.
“I don’t mean hide it…I’ve done enough hiding in my life Blaine, never again.” And the way Elliott said it, the fire behind his words – it was clearly something he was passionate about. No more lies, no more being in the closet. He came to New York promising himself he’d be out and proud about everything, and by hell was he going to stick to that.
“I just need to work out how to tell him, you know? Because I don’t want him to get the wrong idea about how we happened. Whatever we are. It’ll upset him a lot and I don’t want to make it any worse for him.”
Blaine covered the entwined sets of their fingers with his free hand and gave the back of Elliott’s a firm squeeze with the edge of his palm. Unsure of everything that was going on between the two of them, he took in a breath and tilted his head trying to stress his point with a lift of his brows.
“You know. We don’t have to rush anything. I mean–we can figure out what we are before we talk about it to anybody else. I’m all for talking to whoever you want to. I don’t like hiding things either and that’s not what I was asking you to do..”
“All I mean is,” he pulled his shoulders up, “Why hurry? Maybe it’d be nice to just have this for a few days, let the idea settle in to us before we add in the drama that we both know is bound to happen.” Whether he liked it or not–whether it was right or not? He loved his friends dearly, there was no question about that.
Overreacting was just part of who they were. He wasn’t unguilty of doing it himself. Sometimes. “I guess a part of me is greedy to say I’d at least like a little time having something be peaceful and uncomplicated for once..”
Did that make any sense? God, he hoped so. Leaning in, he tucked the bridge of his nose against Elliott’s shoulder and stared down into the shadows between the both of them. “It’s up to you, though. We can work out the how to tell them part along the way?”
“Oh c’mon, don’t turn the question back on me again!” Elliott whined, although he was smiling a little none the less – god, what the HELL did he tell Kurt? It was bad enough saying he took Blaine in when they broke up, but to say ‘Hey Kurt by the way I stole your man and snogged him and I think we’re a thing now.’
That was WAY too hellish to even think about.
“I don’t know – I mean, I love Kurt, I really do, he’s one of the best friends I’ve made up here…but I don’t think he’ll want to be around me after this. He’s always been frosty about me stealing his things.” The band, attention, the limelight, Blaine.
“And if he stops talking to me, It’ll kick of with the others too, I’m sure. I know Dani will keep in contact with me,” They were beyond best friends by now, they were like soulmates without the relationship, it was…odd. “But the others? Not so much.”
Yet he knew he had to tell them at some point, better sooner than hiding it right?
“Come on. Let’s go sit down, huh,” he asked after watching Elliott slip into the frame of mind that was so clearly written upon the taller man’s features. Probably a reflection of the one written on his own expression. Worry. Blaine was worried, too. More for Elliott than himself. The last thing he wanted was for Elliott to start beating himself up over a kiss.
They could let it remain that if Elliott was so afraid of losing everyone else. Blaine wouldn’t be the one to cost him the price Elliott was afraid might be written on the tag of whatever they might become or were becoming or–.
“I think you should give Kurt more credit. He’s a good person. The best kind of friends that any of his friends could ask for,” and God it hurt to talk about him like this whenever their last words were barely any at all as Blaine was packing up his things. But..as far as how much Kurt loved his friends? He did deserve a hell of a lot of credit for that. A tug to Elliott’s hand asked for him to sit beside him on the sofa.
“He might be hurt but he’ll know it isn’t fair to be. Not after everything. I don’t know. Hiding things from him has never worked out well. He’s smart. He’ll figure it out. Elliott? Or maybe..if you’re afraid of losing him? Maybe we don’t have to–,” he swallowed the last words along with the rock in his throat. “I don’t want to hurt anybody. Not you. Or him. Or.. I don’t know.”
“I didn’t know it was actually possible to snog someone stupid.” Elliott laughed, but it was a little…awkward. Where were they going from here? His smile fell, leaving a little frown stuck on his face.
“It…Yeah, I hope so at least. Else waking up from this is going to be like, a major kick up my ass.” He smiled a little again, stepping closer to Blaine again and ducking his head, a little nervous.
Wait, why was he nervous? He could leave home for the city and go on stages and sing to crowds and go to fucking naked yoga parties, so why was he getting more nervous AFTER the fact? It was stupid.
“So uhm, what…what are we going to do? About Kurt and the others?” He sounded almost hesitant to believe they would go any further than that. “About us?”
“That’s no fair to place judgement after leaving me rocking on my feet and almost toppling over. I’d be offended if I could find it in me to be,” Blaine faked a glare that ended up shattering to pieces once a laugh he couldn’t hold in broke free. “Luckily for you? I don’t think being offended is remotely possible at this moment.” Or much of anything else other than be frozen and dumbfounded at what just happened.
He watched as Elliott stepped close again and felt a heat warm his cheeks when he watched the taller of the pair tuck his chin down. It was rather adorable and completely mind-boggling to think that he was the reason why Elliott was acting sheepish. The past few months hadn’t done a great job at making him see himself in the light of someone who could make someone else react to him the way Elliott was. Yet, here he stood–seeing the normally calm, composed and light-hearted man at a loss for himself. –That makes two of us.–
Blaine’s expression fell at the question. His teeth caught his bottom lip and a shrug allowed his left arm to reach out so his fingertips could curl around the edge of the counter. “I–uh.. I don’t know exactly.. I mean. I haven’t really seen him since, you know. Just. I don’t want to complicate things and you’re his friend and I’m just…,” a swallow cut him off. “I don’t know.. What do you think we should do?”
pianokeysandbowties back up 