“Thanks,” Elliott looked away to the floor at the compliments, wanting to believe them but struggling so hard to do so. It just didn’t seem comprehensible that Blaine could see him so vulnerable and still think he was attractive. It was why he dressed and acted like he did – a comfort blanket that Blaine had just seen right through.
When Blaine spoke so directly and bluntly to him, Elliott had to keep looking away, sniffing slightly as he nodded. There was a moment of silence before he reached forwards and wrapped his arms around Blaine’s waist, pulling him into a tight hug and burying his face in the others shoulder as his eyes watered. He couldn’t cry, he couldn’t do that to Blaine or to his own image. No crying allowed, even if he was pretty damn close to it.
Blaine’s expression softened to a gentle understanding. He knew Elliott was struggling to believe him. But they were from an honest place of first-hand understanding and he wished that Elliott would take them for what they were. Truth. Not seeing himself like that was not only an injustice to himself but one Blaine wouldn’t stand for letting dig itself into Elliott’s mind any further. Now that he knew about it?
A silent promise to the other was made that he’d make sure to do everything in his power to show Elliott–somehow–that he deserves to give himself far more credit and accept that when it comes to people? Elliott was pretty far up on Blaine’s list of the good ones. Inside and out.
Being pulled in against him was unexpected. Though Elliott was the hug captain extraordinaire and he should have known it was coming–he didn’t. Surprise or not–Blaine wrapped his arms up around Elliott’s shoulders, keeping one elbow bent so he could card his fingers through his hair and stroke the back of the other’s head. A brush of his cheek against Elliott’s and he whispered comfortingly into his ear. “Hey.. Shhh. You’re okay. I got you. And I promise I meant everything I said.”
“Its okay. I know it shouldn’t be such a big issue anyways.” Not that knowing that could stop it being SUCH a big issue for Elliott anyways. He just couldn’t stand the idea that Blaine had seen him like that and had time to stare. Not just someone staring, but BLAINE staring, Blaine judging him for the love handles and muffin top. He hated it.
Elliott strolled into the kitchen properly, trying to act unbothered as he hopped up on the counter next to Blaine, perching in the edge and giving the other a slightly tight smile. “Besides, y’all can’t help making it weird – mainly cause y’all can’t help staring apparently.” He gave a small laugh and nudged Blaine’s thigh with his knee. Close proximity to the other just felt like a smidgen closer to the comfort and hugs he felt like he needed after that.
Blaine gave a quiet laugh trying his best to keep patching up the distance that was suddenly smashed down between them. “Well. You can’t blame me,” he smirked hoping that it was as playful as he wanted it to come off as. Then gave Elliott’s knee a light jab with his elbow back, “You make a very pretty picture to stare at. It’s not my fault that you are gorgeous enough to make my brain not listen to the common sense part that said looking away sooner rather than later would have saved us from this mess.”
Did Elliott believe him?
The longer he watched his attempts to hide how uncomfortable he was–the more Blaine was tuning into the fact that he might not. Oh God, that was an awful feeling. How could someone who had the same issues than he’d care to count tell him he understood but Elliott was so so..beautiful just the way he was? Stepping a few paces to the side until he stood in front of Elliott’s bent knees–Blaine braced his hands against them and gave both kneecaps a gentle squeeze trying to press how serious he was with a touch to make it more real. “I get it. I do. But just know? That what I did see was perfect. Just like the rest of you. Okay?”
Elliott just stood there until Blaine went, before pulling the shirt shut around him and glancing at the door. He hadn’t meant to come across as angry or harsh, he’d just panicked. A lot. Long fingers began to button up his shirt, stopping half way up before Elliott hesitantly walked across to the kitchen. – with his stomach covered he didn’t feel so bad, thighs, crotch and chest on show like this he could handle – it was just the stomach he held issues with.
He stopped in the doorway, looking somewhere between embarrassed and nervous – almost sheepish in the way he held onto the door frame and essentially peaked around it. “I – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” He gestured quickly away from his mouth. “Run my mouth,” he’d just been uncomfortable. It was one thing for other people to see him like that, that was bad enough, but for it to be Blaine?! For some reason that just made it worse for Elliott.
Once he was inside the kitchen–Blaine gave a such an apologetic look at the wall that you could swear he was able to see right through it and offer that apology to Elliott on top of the ones he stammered out. Before bolting away to give the man some time to recover. He was doing a shoddy job at doing the same. His attempt to get some water ended up with him knocking several freshly washed dishes into the sink where they clanged loudly but–thankfully–didn’t break. Wincing at his mistake–he quickly grabbed them back out and nabbed a glass with a hard look of determination glared at the poor cup. “Great way to make him feel embarrassed when that was exactly what you were trying not to do, Blaine,” he mumbled to himself using the water coming from the faucet he shoved on to cover his voice.
Blaine turned slightly and aimed a careful glance over his shoulder back to Elliott. Again–eye contact only. Honestly, Elliott had nothing to be uncomfortable about. His body was beyond amazing and it didn’t take seeing him in nothing but his underwear to notice that. But he understood first hand what doubting yourself–in spite of what everyone around you said–felt like. And he wouldn’t wish that one anyone. Especially not Elliott who deserved nothing but to feel good about the person he was. Inside and out. “You’re fine. Please don’t apologize. I didn’t mean to make that weird. I’m really sorry, Elliott.”
Elliott was mortified. Honest to god mortified – he wasn’t happy with his body at the best of times, so to be caught like that? There was a thud as the fabric he was holding fell on the floor, his hand going limp as it did so. At the same time, a deep red blush stemmed all the way up, spanning across his jaw and down his chest.
“Yeah…” Without taking his eyes off Blaine he reached behind him, hand wrapping in the plaid shirt he’d left there and pulling it on over his shoulders, letting it hang open. “I can uh, I can see that.“ Elliott rubbed awkwardly at his neck, uncomfortable with the situation. "Can you quit staring?” He blurted that out without thinking about it, looking away and blushing deeper. “I-sorry, I…please?”
Blaine’s mouth moved like a fish out of water as soon as it was pointed out that he was staring. He didn’t mean it that way! Mostly! Staring at Elliott’s eyes was a way of guaranteeing himself that he wouldn’t look elsewhere. In his attempt not to make things awkward. Guess what he did? Only made them worse. “Sorry! Sorry! I didn’t–oh. Just..sorry.”
Tearing his gaze off Elliott–first to the ceiling–then to the wall–then snap! Right into his own lap–Blaine nodded. His cheeks puffed out as he groaned. With a puff of exhaled air and a quick touching of his feet to the floor–Blaine stood up. “I’m going to go make tea or–tea. Tea’s great. He not so gracefully excused himself out of the room with a duck to the left, pivot to the right and a beeline straight towards the kitchen feeling a rush of heat over his face, down his throat. Who knows? With this level of embarrassment? It might not stop til it went all the way to his toes.
Letting himself inside with the key Elliott was kind enough to give him since he’d been staying there–Blaine was mentally and physically exhausted. He kept tiredly quiet as he kicked off his shoes and let his bag fall to the floor. His huff of a sigh was the only sound he made as he flounced down onto the couch and deflated backwards until his head rested against the back of the sofa. Only to get painful jolt up his neck from knot from the crook he quickly rubbed away before letting his hand fall into his lap and–oh hello, Elliott.
The pair met each other’s eyes in unison. Though–Blaine’s couldn’t help the glance back down just to make sure he saw what he thought he saw on the glance up. That being a mostly naked Elliott other than a pile of fabric on his arm and pair of lace boxers. Yeah! That’s what it was! How long was too long before the silence between the two went from awkward to creepy? Trying to beat that deadline–Blaine stuttered. Nothing came out. His reddening cheeks puffed in a breath that popped his lips open and he shrugged helplessly without anything else to say but.. “H-Hi. Um.. I’m hoooome,” he smiled and cringed all at once trying to keep his eyes strictly focused on Elliott’s, “Probably should have made some sort of statement like about a minute ago–huh? Yep! Definitely..” –Oh boy!–
Elliott knew the impact he had on people when their issues came up. He supposed it was the fact that he was, well, so open. He didn’t understand the point in judging someone. At the psychologist mention Elliott couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh hell nah, I’m not smart enough for that.” Not at all.
“You don’t have to make it up for me!” He pulled an almost confused expression for a moment before a smile graced his face. “Trust me, it’s alright – if I didn’t want to hear it I wouldn’t.” Elliott didn’t like it when they loaded their issues on him, it’s what finally made him leave for yoga, but the occasional issue that he wasn’t actually caught in the middle of? He could cope with that.
“I think you’re cutting yourself short. You’re definitely smart enough for that. Besides? I think for that line of work–what you need most is just to care for people.” Elliott was one of those rare breeds that did exactly that in spades. He was such a kind hearted soul. No wonder the ragtag group that the poor soul found himself flung into ended up clinging to Elliott so much. The man brought a center of gravity with him wherever he want. One talk and things just felt easier.
Blaine could only hope that feeling would last once he was on his own without Elliott’s aura of calm thereto make things feel okay. Because they weren’t. Blaine knew that. He wasn’t blind. Facing it? That was a whole other ballgame he wasn’t sure he was ready for. Or if he ever would be. Not wanting to burden Elliott more with those thoughts–Blaine merely smiled and held up a hand to protest. “I insist. Please? We can talk all about your yoga retreat. Or what you want to do now that you’re home again. I don’t know–get drinks and talk about nothing that makes sense. Anything that involves laughing and having a good time would be great. You deserve it and I could use it,” his nose scrunched and he squinted pleadingly. “Fair enough?”
“Don’t apologise, s’not your fault.” Elliott soothed, hand not stopping by the action of petting him like a child. It wasn’t the ideal situation, but Elliott was okay dealing with it. He was used to Blaine’s…outbursts, so to speak.
At the comments about not being what he wanted to come home to, Elliott couldn’t help the initial thought of ‘too bloody right.’ He was tired and already dreading going back to work and class – he enjoyed it but still – but Blaine was upset, and Elliott knew how to be a good friend. Instead, the words out of his mouth where “It’s okay. At least Rachel and Santana didn’t greet me with their bitching.” He laughed, trying to keep the atmosphere light.
Poor Elliott. Blaine had to wonder why the guy tolerated any of them. If it wasn’t someone having some issue they needed his help through? It was another. Blaine tried to keep his issues to himself and didn’t intentionally toss them in Elliott’s direction. Well..not since the first any only time he did. What an embarrassing disaster that was. Though it did end up with the two of them becoming friends. He would’ve kept quiet today too but Elliott just..drew them out.
There was something about the man that just felt so comforting. Like having a massively tall, black eyeliner wearing, steampunk teddy bear you could talk to without judgement and receive some sage-like advice. That’s what Elliott’s gift was. “Ever consider becoming a psychologist? I swear. I didn’t mean to lay it all out on the line like that. You just–. Thank you for being you. Okay? Can I make this all up to you? Cook you dinner? Take you out to one?” Blaine smiled up at him and took a step back–fingers curled around Elliott’s wrists so he could give them a thankful squeeze.
“Something better than coffee we let get cold and stale cookies. Please?”
Elliott hadn’t really expected that reaction – he didn’t mean to upset Blaine! He could be blunt, a little determined with his words: persuasive, that was the best description, but he tried to keep them kind and positive. Mainly because he didn’t want to cause this kind of damage to someone.
“Shh, y’alright Blaine, s’alright.” He soothed softly. The arm around Blaine tightened slightly, while the other hand lifted to card black painted nails through his hair. He was careful to avoid messing with the gelled style, ending up in a more petting motion than anything else. A few people stared at them – two grown men arguing then hugging it out in the middle of a coffee shop – but Elliott didn’t notice, hoping Blaine was too occupied to either.
“Sorry. I’m really sorry,” his hold around Elliott’s middle tightened and he sighed heavily wishing for all the world that a hug could chase away the heaviness on his shoulders. But.. It didn’t. Blaine was half afraid that until he sat down and talked with his fiance’? The pressure wouldn’t just stay there. It’d keep getting worse until he didn’t have the slightest capability to ignore it anymore. He’d gotten good at that. Not seeing what–apparently–even people who were gone and just came back could see. Blinders towards the inevitable. But he’d hang onto them for as long as he could because pulling them off? The idea was terrifying. Inevitable but terrifying.
“I didn’t mean to react like that. It’s just been a few really stressful weeks,” he let his eyes fall shut at the pet over the top of his head and gave the man one more squeeze before opening them and lifting his head off Elliott’s chest so he could look up at him. “You’re such a good person. Thank you for caring so much,” he breathed in deep and plastered on a smile. “That was not the kind of welcome back you should have gotten. Hi, Elliott. Let’s deal with Blaine’s drama.” Blaine scrunched his nose and cringed apologetically. “Not how I planned on saying hi to you face to face when I saw you again.”
“Blaine,” Elliott’s voice sounded oddly small as he watched his friend struggle to find the words he needed – he felt small too, throat closed up and expression sad. He just wanted to help, but he had to make Blaine see the truth, he couldn’t let this carry on and ruin two of his best friends like this. It just wasn’t fair on them both.
He rose to his feet, for once wearing flats which put him at a smaller height then usual – not that 6′2 was particularly small however. “Come here,” He held a arm out for a hug instead, edging around the table to wrap it around Blaine’s shoulders. Hugs fixed a lot of trauma; or at least they made Elliott feel better when he got bad news, so he hoped Blaine felt the same way about them.
Closing himself off by wrapping his arms protectively around his chest–Blaine carefully watched Elliott. Wary hazel eyes followed the taller man’s every moment like one wrong move would send him out the door away from carrying on this talk any further. He needed out of it before the weight of his situation–that was already so heavy it slouched his shoulders and made him seem even smaller than Elliott’s full height–crushed him completely. What he didn’t expect–and why didn’t he because Elliott was the Zen Master of Hugs–was an arm wrapping around his shoulders. He froze for a second trying to swallow past the rock that formed from feeling someone this close to him making the subject he was planning on pretending he forgot the second he walked outside even more real.
When did he stop being someone that immediately hugged back–always? Not wanting to think about that–or think period–he gave up trying to make his throat feel less like it was cracking because it wouldn’t stop and both of his arms wrapped around Elliott’s middle. Stepping into the hug–that hold tightened in time with Blaine’s forehead thunking heavily against Elliott’s chest. Breathing in the space between them–he shook his head not knowing what to say and hoped Elliott would fill the silence with some sage-like wisdom, a solution, a reluctant realization that he was wrong that would make this go away and take away the knowing that he wasn’t. Blaine would even take a dumb Dad joke if it made a sound and broke up the only noise there was–his sharp inhales through his nose as he tried to keep himself from crumbling.
“Blaine…” He looked so determined, so set that this wedding was all fine, and Elliott didn’t understand how he was ignoring it all crumbling around them so drastically. Everything was going wrong, the whole wedding idea was in shambles, and Blaine just seemed to not be able to admit it. Elliott didn’t want to make him see it, but he had to, for everyone’s sake, Blaine had to accept it wasn’t working out.
“You and I both know he’d be talking about it non-stop…Come on, don’t keep lying to yourself.” He said it in a soft voice, like when you break bad news to a child. He lent forwards a little too, posture lax and hopefully not seeming overly invasive, while remaining firm.
Blaine’s brows rose towards his hairline as he glanced up from the coffee lid he busied himself fiddling with at the sound of his name. The expression on Elliott’s face and the tone he said it in revealed everything he was about to say before the man said a word. –Don’t. Just..don’t.– But it was too late and there it was. The truth delivered feather soft that hit him like a punch to the stomach instead. His fingers that were stuck hovering in crooked angles above his coffee cup flexed and curved on the way to Blaine palming his mouth, thumb dragging hard over one corner on on the way past. What was he supposed to say? When Elliott was only trying to pull his blinders off when Blaine would argue until he was blue in the face that there were none?
Even if he saw what Elliott was so gently pointing out repeatedly before and during this conversation? Saying it outloud or acknowledging it only made it–real. Ignoring what you fear most is easier if you just pretend it doesn’t exist. “I’m sorry, Elliott. I know you care but–,” he was already pushing himself up trying to put the coffin nail in a conversation he didn’t want tocouldn’t have. “I just–you–Kurt and I we’re fine and–.” Deflating, Blaine gave him a deeply apologetic look as he fell a day late and a dollar short of anything that made sense. “I can’t stop because if I don’t keep trying,” he shrugged helplessly and ran his tongue over the roof of his mouth with a light cough after to glue his voice back together. “I have to go.”
pianokeysandbowties back up 