Out Of Luck

this can’t be real.

Honestly, when he arrived, Kurt was expecting more yelling. He should know Blaine better than anyone but not only did he not anymore, but in a way that’s what he chose. Blaine waited for him against everything everyone else thought and still isn’t mad. It was ridiculous devotion, but if anyone was going to give that to someone it would be Blaine. Whether he should have seen it coming or not, Kurt didn’t expect it to last this long.

He could practically hear Oliver in his mind reminding him to behave like a normal person and get to the point.
Kurt took Blaine’s hand again and held it tight. He opened his eyes and locked them onto Blaine’s, color changed and iris’ glowing. “I’m a demon.” He said with a sad smile. “And so is he and a surprising amount of other people, and it’s the reason I was gone.” If there was any good reason for disappearing, it was this one. That much he knew, but how Blaine will react is up in the air still. Kurt could feel a mess of emotions around him, hard to pinpoint but none good. Absently, he wondered if Blaine would let them all out now or if he’d try to deny it and those feelings a little longer. He also noted that Oliver will wish he was here when -if- he hears about it.
‘Never miss the chance to grab a snack, ok, emotional breakdowns are great for us. If you don’t know the guy or gal.’

All he wanted was to understand what he did that was so wrong that Kurt felt like he couldn’t come to him. Their relationship was so much more than what they were reduced to with Kurt just–walking away–without so much as a word. Or even a goodbye that would leave more questions than he’d probably get answers for but at least the pain could have been targeted at a source. Rather than the unknown and in that unknown the fear that something horrible happened to the person he loved the absolute most out of anyone in his life.

Sometimes being left in the dark with all it’s confusion and agonizing questions–why?–what if?–how?–was much better than having the answers. Blaine didn’t realize that until it was too late. Too eager to find out why. Too invested in something that maybe only –he– was invested in to let things go without knowing.
The answer he was about to receive as he squeezed Kurt’s hand wasn’t anything that he’d imagine to be real much less happening to them. His rationale screamed for what he saw to be only a trick of the light combined with a tired brain and a frustrated fog he had yet to walk out of for months. It wasn’t. His eyes widened, face going pale as he stared from Kurt’s eyes to their hands and back. An open mouth stuttered and nothing came out. Fairy tales, nightmares and legends. All of it. Not REAL. Never REAL. His body reacted before his mind wrapped around the news completely to process it right. Like that was going to happen soon. Scrambling off the bed, his fingers snapped into his palm as they left Kurt’s. Blaine began to lose his composure, his patience and any sense of pleading understanding as he lifted trembling hands and rubbed his face.
“Please tell me this is is a lie you’re making up to freak me out instead of hurting me because you think that might be better. It’s working on the freaking out part but if you left for–just–you didn’t and wouldn’t,” there was something in his voice that said he didn’t even believe what he was asking Kurt to do but had to try. –Please lie to me if it isn’t either.–

kurt.

( HALF HOUR LATER )
( TEXT; blaine ❤ ) Skipping class now, Anderson? Keep this bad streak
up and before you know it you’ll be hanging out
with the skanks, LOL.
( TEXT; blaine ❤ ) Jkjk.
( TEXT; blaine ❤ ) But okay, enjoy the rest of your day. If I’m not out-cold
by then, I’ll try calling.
( TEXT; blaine ❤ ) Love you, too!

–Finished–

gone when the morning came.

“Thank you.” Kurt smiled softly. God he hated this. He hated leaving uncertainly, he hated being able to see how incredibly fake Blaine’s words were. Kurt didn’t recall a time so far that Blaine’s smile quite matched the emotion he was radiating. “I’ll be back when you’re ready. And I’ll explain more then. Just take it easy ok? It doesn’t do either of us any good for you to fake that smile another time.” He himself wasn’t sure what else he could do then, so he turned to Oliver who gave a slight nod and lead him out of the room.

Kurt couldn’t stay at his own home without having to explain who Oliver was, which he wasn’t about to try and do, so they were at a motel in between home and Dalton. Kurt insisted he needed to mend things with Blaine in some capacity before they left the state, so he made sure any plans he had for starting his life wouldn’t be in the way until the next year started, and that he was settled in between the two locations. His family came first, but Blaine had started to feel like family before Oliver showed up, and according to Finn Kurt’s leave hit him hard. If Blaine had been moving on fine, that would be one thing. But Kurt couldn’t never talk to him again with the way things were. He argued with Oliver about telling Blaine the whole truth. Oliver told a few of his friends when he first changed many years ago, and it surprisingly didn’t backfire on him either, so they reasoned it would be fine..

For now, he’d wait for the call from Blaine. Until Blaine was ready, which Kurt would know when that was, he’d focus on family.

What could he say to Kurt’s ‘thank you’ other than to lift his hand in a small wave before he let it fall limply. His lips dropped open and there were supposed to be words said to the advice that he take it easy but at first? They only pressed back together in a sad smile as he shrugged and nodded. “–Yeah. Yeah. Sure. I’ll give it a try.” Warily looking between the two, the smile fell. Why fake it? Kurt saw through it anyway. Blaine waited for the door to close before he could force the tightness in his chest at bay enough to –breathe–.

Two hours later and he had yet to go to class. Pacing was driving him insane. A text message to Jeff and Sebastian promised he’d be at practice. Rushing to get ready didn’t make up enough time for him not to be ten minutes late. By the end of a distracted day he had enough stares from his friends and, of course, Sebastian outright questioning him what was wrong. Brushing off concern wasn’t in Blaine’s DNA. Making excuses for his friends not to have it? Yes, he was well equipped at that even if it rarely worked because he wasn’t the best at pulling it off. It was only a rare chance when he did and it never ceased to surprise him when he got away with it. He couldn’t pretend that their worry meant nothing. Nor could he ignore that he felt guilty for causing his friends concern. So, they stayed late into the night doing what he did best to let it all out. They sang. The more he lost himself that way? The easier it was to smile, laugh and put their minds at ease. Later that evening, Blaine waited for Kurt to show up. Not knowing if he would or not. Deep down, he wasn’t sure he was ready to see him yet either. Knowing that he had the thing that did this to them nearby at all times made him sick to the stomach.

Not that he had much choice. A fact he hated in all this. There was no knock on the door that night. Or the next.

–Finished–

kurt.
meme reply continuation. @offtherekurt

( TEXT; blaine ) I tried calling Rachel, but she didn’t pick up.
( TEXT; blaine ) If you could, please just. I need someone to
talk to right now. I need a familiar voice to
calm me down.
( TEXT; blaine ) I think I’m having a panic attack. — I don’t know
what’s happening. But my hands are shaking
and I’m trying to control my breathing.
( TEXT; blaine ) Please, just be by your phone right now.
( … )
( TEXT; blaine ) I need you.

( about two minutes later )

( mssg » kurt | sent ) Hey. Hey. I’m sorry. I didn’t hear the phone over the piano.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) I’m here. Slow down, Kurt. Breathe. You’re going to be okay.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) Where are you near? I’ll come to you.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) Calling you now.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) Please pick up.

i’ve got you.
meme reply continuation. @angelfacedhummel

He was tense, but when wasn’t he? Obviously it wasn’t the kind of tense he used to be but he never worked those knots out anyway. It didn’t help that it was surprisingly easy to stay up late at Dalton either. Reading, studying, or having a social life in a boarding school were all very valid reasons to get fewer hours or at least be propped up instead of laying down.

Kurt missed getting to sleep on time. He also missed the looser freedom of movement after a good stretch, but he hasn’t had a chance to work the kinks out of his body in a long while. Obviously it was noticeable now as while he was sat on the floor besides Blaine’s bed, his back against the piece of furniture, the remainder of his homework on his lap, and his self placed between his friend’s legs hanging off of the mattress while he looked over Kurt’s shoulder. Touch was a bit of a strange thing with Kurt, not truly comfortable with someone in his space unless he trusts them, but Blaine was his best friend by now so he didn’t think anything when said friend’s hands rested on his shoulders.

It was however strange when Blaine started to rub his shoulders, and he could have sworn he was actually starting to give Kurt a massage. He was going to ask, but it felt good and he wound up sighing contently and letting his eyes close instead.

Late nights were common to the Blaine. Between sneaking off to hang out with his classmates, scoping out competition or any other random reason? Staying up until the early morning hours and getting a kick in the pants via a strong coffee if necessary the next day wasn’t new. Now he had another reason to have a messy sleeping schedule. Spending time with Kurt was quickly becoming his favorite pass time and he deeply enjoyed every second they spent together.

Blaine sat with his hands tucked under his thighs, feet ticking up and down subtly from where they hung on either side of Kurt as he peered down at the homework strewn across his lap. They were supposed to finish hours ago. Constant breaks to talk or joke around got Kurt behind. To move things along, Blaine forced himself to be quiet and let him work. Only quipping up to offer some insight if asked. When he noticed how focused Kurt was he inched forward and let his hands come to rest on Kurt’s shoulders to see if he needed help. His palms filled with a warmth that brought a smile that curved into a mild frowning blink when he felt the tension in Kurt’s muscles. Did he put that there? Should he take his hands away?

He knew from their conversations Kurt had a massive personal bubble and he didn’t want to risk being that person who didn’t respect his boundaries. He squeezed them gently, feeling his stomach flutter. –From nerves–. A sigh stopped him from pulling away. Blaine held his breath and paused not moving until Kurt seemed to be okay. Once he was sure, he inched forward til tips of his bare toes touched the floor and began tracing small circles against the knots he found with his thumbs. “Pretty sure there’s a Boy Scout guide missing a knot shape or two that your shoulders invented. Wow. What’s got you so tense? I promise we’ll get this done. If you’re worried. Next time we can focus on finishing your work first and goofing off after.”

i wish i was.

( TEXT; blaine ❤ ) I’ll remember that. ^_^
( TEXT; blaine ❤ ) Supposedly it’s the story about Carrie Bradshaw’s
younger years? Y’know, Sarah Jessica Parker’s
character in Sex in the City. I asked Isabelle, but
she was already late for a meeting, so she couldn’t
give me the rundown. – And you know Ryan! The
guy who bought my nonfat mocha as a reward
for lasting a month at Vogue. He swears I’ll be
obsessed with the aesthetic before the first
episode even ends.
( TEXT; blaine ❤ ) Awh, I miss you, too! You don’t know how many
times I catch myself thinking about which coffee
shop to consider our new Lima Bean. There are
a couple candidates, but it’d be easier if you were
here so we could choose together.

( mssg » kurt | sent ) I hope so.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) Oh! That Ryan. I remember now. I’m sure he’s right. Sounds like a show that’s right up your alley. I’ll see where I can find it at. I’m sure it’s on Netflix.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) We’ll go pick one out when I visit. Couple more weeks til break and I’m all yours! You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to this. I don’t want to but I better go. The bell’s about to ring. I’ve been hiding in the auditorium through calculus. Better not miss another class. Don’t need to deal with that phone call home. 🙂 Call me tonight before you turn in? It’d be great to hear your voice.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) Tell Rachel I said hello. I love you Kurt. Very much.

i’ll fall with your knife.

Kurt’s boots clacked
noisily in the empty halls of McKinley as he stalked past the
familiar rows of lockers. The more he thought about it, the
worse the idea of coming back to Lima became. Kurt, being
very susceptible to his dad’s pleading, had agreed to take advantage
of his few days off and come see him and Carole. He claimed his
reluctance was due to his new, busy, face-paced New York lifestyle,
but Burt saw through him immediately. It wasn’t much of an
accomplishment, though, since anyone with eyes could figure out the
real reason that Kurt was avoiding his hometown like
the black plague. Regardless, Kurt knew he couldn’t visit Lima without stopping
by the old stomping grounds at least once. But he also didn’t want to
run the risk of bumping into Blaine, not after that tragically
awkward encounter at the Grease production. He ultimately decided to
come by an hour or so after school had ended, when nearly all of the
students had cleared out and the teachers still lurked in their
classrooms.

Rounding the corner,
a smile perked to his face once his destination came into view. He
pushed open the unlocked door and sighed happily, unable to deny the
instant feeling of comfort that washed over him when he stepped foot
into the choir room. His plan was to hang around for a little bit in
hopes that Mr. Schue was still on campus and they could have a little
catch-up chat when he came back. Kurt decided to busy himself until
then by slightly leaning against the piano and tapping out half of a
tune. He hummed along to it, despite not exactly knowing what song he
was playing. Kurt suddenly heard the sound of footsteps approaching
the room. He turned to face the doorway, his breath hitching when he
realized who was standing there. “Blaine.” Kurt said, voice
breathier than he intended. His brain told him to follow up the
awkward stating of his name with something else, a greeting perhaps,
but nothing made it’s way out of Kurt’s mouth.

Blaine wasn’t blind, deaf or dumb. He knew about Kurt being in town because Lima was the type of place where news like that didn’t stay a secret for long. Once one of the Glee Club kids found out, mainly Tina, the news hit Blaine within the span of time it took her to quickly text the concerned message asking if he knew and if he was okay. Of course he wasn’t. Reading her text was like a shredder to the chest but he replied that he would be fine and promised her she didn’t have to worry. One day and one sleepless night went by. Paying attention in any class wasn’t possible. All Blaine could think of was wanting to see him and then the absolute opposite. Back and forth the entire afternoon. He was such a garbled blend of confusion and frustration that by the time the last bell rang and his and Sam’s study hour at the library –a vague attempt at being productive once today– Blaine was in his car with the ignition started before he remembered he left all of his sheet music in on top of the piano in the choir room. Uncharacteristically slamming his hands against the wheel and going two shades of red in the process, hazel eyes stared at the sliver of his reflection in the mirror. Could it wait til tomorrow?

Getting back to Westerville for the weekend was top priority after the heartache inducing decision that he wouldn’t encroach on Kurt due to how they parted last time–too soon. No. Not if he was going to have any means of distraction. Grumbling, Blaine climbed out and jogged back inside and down the hall not seeing a soul. His steps slowed as he rounded the corner and heard music. K U R T. Blaine froze as Kurt their eyes met. His fingers even refused to cooperate and dropped his keys with a metallic clatter. The noise resembled the erratic pulse in his chest as his stomach fell. “Kurt,” he couldn’t breathe. “I–Sorry–My music,” he slowly looked at the books and sheets of paper–some they bought together–sitting past Kurt’s arm and back. The piano, the music, Kurt could have been separated from him by thousands of miles by the distance that became oh-so-much more hollow and far. Something inside broke. In a rush of sudden motion, he darted down reaching unsteadily for his keychain shaking his head and not daring to look back up. “Sorry–not important–I didn’t know you were here. I’ll get it tomorrow. Sorry,” he repeated forgetting he already apologized. Twice. Who was counting? There were never enough times he could say that word to the person he was saying it to.

kurt.

Even if he were asked by someone he could trust, Kurt wasn’t sure if he could explain his and Oliver’s relationship. He saw the disgust Blaine had when he touched him and he wondered if he’d ever be able to tell the whole truth. He wanted to, some things less than others but he was going to come clean to someone and god he hoped it could be Blaine. But they’ve touched. They’ve held each other and Oliver kept Kurt alive during those first few months. He took care and trained him but it was when things got easier and before it even started that he wondered if he could mention.

Kurt looked up at Oliver before he could speak, and reluctantly Oliver obeyed what he knew Kurt wanted and kept his mouth shut. The room was silent until Blaine let go and whispered again, neither demon wanting to see the trail of events that would follow Blaine getting any more physical. Kurt didn’t want to see him get hurt. Not any more hurt than he would be when Kurt replied.
“Blaine..” He pursed his lips. “When demons turn humans they become physically attached until the younger one can take care of themselves again–I can’t stay without him. If he leaves school grounds then we’ll both be sick.”

Oliver gravitated closer to the door, simply to not be immediately next to the pair on the bed. He assumed it was smarter, given the looks on their faces. Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand as if the gesture could translate how sorry he was. “I have to go now.”
Oliver stretched his neck from side to side. “We’re not goin’ off the grid this time, just down the road an hour.” He wasn’t much louder than if he mumbled, clearly not enjoying this encounter. Still, Kurt stood and waited for affirmation that Blaine would let him leave.

Blaine deflated sighing out the last of his breath as Kurt explained why he had to leave. What was said put him at a loss for any sort of argument he might put up against Kurt having to leave. How was he supposed to ask him to stay if it was going to hurt or make him sick? He tried to ignore the idea that Oliver must have been close for the whole night judging from the same explanation that left him without any ground to stand on. That thought was something he could deal with later when Kurt was gone and couldn’t see exactly how deep this entire situation was eating at him the more he learned.

Kurt squeezing his hand caused his grip to instinctively tighten back. “Yeah,” he nodded staring up at him doing the worst job ever at faking a smile. “Yeah. Okay. I understand.” The mechanics. Blaine understood the mechanics but there was so much he didn’t. –Couldn’t.- He’d die trying if he was given the chance though. Don’t think he wouldn’t.
Each finger loosening was it’s own ten ton weight on top of him until his hand was empty and Kurt stood. One peep out of Oliver made him press his lips tight to keep back words that were on the tip of his tongue. –Why was he still in here? The hallway would be fine to wait in. Or was watching this giving him some sadistic kind of thrill?–

He’d already ruined so much. Why not step back and listen to/admire his handiwork right? “I’ll see you soon,” he asked in a whisper. “Just don’t disappear on me. A mile can keep on going if you don’t know when to stop.” Another fake smile. Another would-be attempt at appearing way more okay than he truly was that failed.
Trusting anything from Oliver? Not going to happen. Kurt on the other hand? As stupid as he might be after becoming willfully blind and deaf to so much? He was trusting him not to reappear just to tear him apart again.

kurt.

( TEXT; blaine ❤ ) Rachel and I are yoga buddies. Which you’d
think bending into a crab inside our apartment
would keep my sanity and help me sleep,
but really it just gives me back pain and an
excuse to use Ambien. Don’t worry, though.
Besides my back, my balance has become
impeccable.
( TEXT; blaine ❤ ) I will let you know if my internal clock betrays me!
Hopefully it doesn’t, because I really need to
start watching The Carrie Diaries. It’s literally all
Ryan can talk about these days.

( mssg » kurt | sent ) An excuse to–Never mind. Just get some rest. I’m so proud of what you’ve managed to accomplish there in such a short amount of time. You’re going to need to recharge now and then though. Don’t forget. Yoga harder. It’ll work wonders. 🙂
( mssg » kurt | sent ) The Carrie Diaries? Haven’t seen it but I get why he’d suggest it. Which one is Ryan? Your social list just keeps growing daily! It’s getting hard to keep up.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) Let me know if it does? Otherwise. It’s a date. The Carrie Diaries and all!
( mssg » kurt | sent )

Kurt? I really miss you ok?