p: rogue barry – pianokeysandbowties back up

stolenscarlet.

“Can be.” Truthfully the things he saw didn’t bother him like they used to. Surely not as much as they should. Being desensitized wasn’t the nicest way to put it, but he’s heard that it happened to everyone; eventually any sort of blood and gore was simply normal. Sooner for some than others. In Barry’s case it wasn’t so much that it made him sick even before his life changed as drastically as it has, rather, he spent less time wondering about the bodies found. The sights and smells he had been used to already, none were haunting him in his sleep but for some there was the question was who they were, what they were like. If even the criminals deserved their fate.

Blaine was the first in a while to say he was proud of Barry. He thinks the last was when he was new to his powers, Joe was patting him on the back for the good he had initially focussed on as a speedster. So much had changed since then. Even if he didn’t abandon the goal of helping the city when other metas attack, there wasn’t much to be proud of him for these days. All the same he couldn’t explain such things to Blaine, ask him if he was sure about his statement. Instead Barry smiles a bit lopsided at his drink and replies with a simple, “Thanks.”

Blaine’s smile was easier to think about. It was a sight that he honestly has missed. “I haven’t, actually. I think about it sometimes, but it always turns into pretending to be someone else again for a little while?” A second of a pause passes and Barry chuckles at himself. “But that’s a little bit too deep for the first time I get with an old friend again, okay um.. You can ignore that part. Maybe someday.”

Words that were on the tip of his tongue fell silent. He wanted to ask how he could deal with seeing those things. What sort of coping mechanisms did he have that got him through each day and into bed every night? Did he have someone he could lean on? Someone he could trust to listen to the bad and try to shower him with good things to think about so he could drift away peacefully instead of the nightmares Blaine pictured himself having after seeing the wild images he could drum up in his head that Barry saw on a day to day basis. Though, he was fairly sure that the questions would be far too none of his business for a friendship that was just now on the verge of rekindling after so many years apart.

“You’re welcome..” Because he was proud of Barry. From what he could see in the short time they spent at the bar talking? The former Warbler had grown immensely over the years. It was almost hard to picture him the tall, lanky boy with the cat-that-ate-the-canary smile and devilishly handsome face (though that hadn’t changed, ~~Sebastian~~ Barry would always be handsome) who made him such a stuttering mess because of his outspoken flirtations and eyes that pierced him so deeply he was often left hiding the fact that he was breathless and full of wonder. Yet, here he was and Blaine couldn’t stop his ever growing curiosity of how he ended up becoming..this person.

“I don’t mind deep. I guess I wasn’t thinking about what you would have to do if you went there again. There’s really nothing to go back for me either. A handful of friends. Most of them moved on by now. Sam and I visit a couple times a year. My parents from time to time. Why leave here? You know?” Finishing off his drink, Blaine checked out Barry’s and decided to order them another round. “It’s crazy. Seeing you again. Seeing what you’ve become. It’s not what I expected..but better. Not that what I expected was bad.. Just. Are you happy?”

stolenscarlet.

“It’s pretty gross.” He concedes with a nod. The work he did wasn’t pretty, but his focus was the science. It sounded rather cold, but looking at dead bodies and seeing people made it so much harder to stomach. Later, when all was done, or if he saw the victim alive or their families, then he could empathize. In general though it was all objective. “Vaseline under the nose helps. It’s really the science that I love, and helping catch killers is a pretty good perk. And it’s pretty hard to have a boring day at the office, y’know?”

As Blaine goes on Barry has to admit that he was somewhat confused about the turns Blaine’s life had apparently took but at least he was still pursuing what he loved. “I feel like that’s even more complicated than it sounds, but I’m glad you’re here. Y’know, doing performance and all that. Would’ve sucked to see you of all people give it up.” He replies honestly, smile still warm on his face. “I actually thought about applying to NYADA- congrats for making it, by the way, even though you left I know it’s not easy to get in.” Almost impossible, in fact. Anyone who was accepted was impressive. Blaine always had been talented but most high school talents didn’t make it much farther no matter what the subject was. Barry as glad for him.

“It’s just a lot to take in on a daily basis, I’m sure..” Blaine frowned thoughtfully towards the rim of his glass that a thumbnail was currently toying with the edge of. A brief glance back up at Barry and the downward curve of his lips shifted up into a smile. “I’m glad you’re doing something you enjoy. And to think..? You’re one of the good guys out there catching the bad guys before they do something horrible? I don’t think any other job could be more important. For what it’s worth? I’m really proud of you.”

Finishing off what he’s been up to all this time, Blaine arched a brow at the notion that his life sounded..well..complicated. Thinking about it? Yeah. It sort of was. But it couldn’t be anything compared to what Barry had to deal with on a day to day basis.

“Complicated pretty much sums up these years in the best way possible. But everything seems to be coming together.” About time. Blinking at the mention of NYADA he couldn’t help wondering what that would have looked like. Maybe he would have stuck it out a little easier if they had been there at the same time. What would that have looked like? Even if it was neither here nor there. It was a curious thing to think over. A proud glint lit up his eyes for a moment and his smile made the corners crinkle as it widened. Half-humbled modesty that he hasn’t lost in all these years, half-happy to hear Barry congratulate him because it meant something. More than what the other might know. “Thank you. Even if it didn’t work out? It made getting into Tisch, once I came back here, feel a hell of a lot easier and less nerve wracking that it would have been if it was my first school. So.. Have you been back to Ohio yet? Or..are you one of the ones who escaped and don’t plan on ever going back?”

stolenscarlet.

“Yeah.” He nods, suddenly realizing that they were about to genuinely be reintroducing themselves. Catching up. Somehow it felt like some sort of surprise. Perhaps he’d been too expectant of rejection to be prepared for the alternative. Questions from earlier in the day return to his mind; what Blaine was doing now, if he got into the college he wanted, if he was still with Kurt, if he was pursuing the arts like he wanted to and should have. “After I graduated from Dalton I went back home basically, went to college to get into forensics and police work- I’m a CSI in Central City now.” Technically the owner of S.T.A.R. Labs as well, among other things, but he thinks it easier to not mention that than try to explain how he became into ownership of it and open himself up to a new category of questions.

“What about you? Where’d you go after McKinley?” He always wished for the best for Blaine. He hopes he wasn’t wrong in thinking that he would go far. It was always something of a comfort to him when Blaine had left Dalton and later Ohio all together to think that he would go places. He was a good person, strong willed and capable. Barry always wanted to think that at least one person whose life he touched would be okay.

Reacquainting themselves with one another was a lot less awkward than Blaine initially thought it would be. He sat there, toying with his straw, as Barry told him about his life past Dalton and what he’s been up to all these years. A CSI? That was a profession Blaine never would have seen as something Sebastian would choose. A lawyer, sure. Or maybe a performer. Se–Barry was deeply talented. He was mesmerizing to watch on stage and seemed to enjoy every second he spent performing with the Warblers. But a CSI? Like the guys on the television shows dealing with murder and dead bodies all the time? No. Blaine wouldn’t have seen that coming for his friend at all. Impressive as it was. “Do you enjoy that? Dealing with what you must see day in and day out has to be hard. I don’t think I could do that.”

“What have I been up to,” Blaine echoed back with a lift of both eyebrows. A small, uneven smile was given up to the other before aimed down into his drink. “I..ah. I moved here right after graduation. Got into NYADA and things were going really great. Then not so great. I took a year away. Went back to Lima, actually, and ended up working at Dalton. Believe it or not.” His life was chaotic those first couple of years out of McKinley. To sum it up in the lightest way possible. Now, things were quiet and steady. Lonely but he wouldn’t trade it for chaos again. No matter how quiet some of his nights are. “Went I came back, I enrolled at Tisch and graduated this past year. NYU all the way. Acting and performance studies.” He smiled and took a sip, shrugging as he shook his head. “Now, I’m in the slow grind of trying to make a name for myself. And that long winded explanation pretty much sums up my every day.”

stolenscarlet.

“Thanks.”Interesting, Barry thinks, how he can say especially not you despite the lies, the people he stabbed in the back and hearts he toyed around with. Blaine always did see better in him than he did himself. Not to say that Barry thought he was a bad man- he was better than a lot he had met in his life, but he knows where his issues were and that they were plentiful.

He appreciates the movement of the conversation, dropping the sadder topics not because they were that difficult to talk about after all of the times he’s wound up repeating it over the years, he simply didn’t enjoy it and usually avoided details. The point anyway was not technically why he did what he did, it was that he did it and they now had to navigate together in one way or another; whether that was Blaine never speaking to him again, them pretending they’ll keep in touch and not, or what Blaine ends up suggesting again- taking advantage of their time in the same city. Barry can’t help but aim a grin at his old friend then. “That would be really great.”

Good. They could semi-start over as much as they could. Because you can’t really forget everything you know about a person regardless of how that saying goes. There are memories that are precious to Blaine that the two of them made. Good ones that no one really knew about other than the two of them because, at that time, no one would understand the friendship he built with the boy no one else trusted. Blaine never really cared and would often wittle down to not meaning anything to anyone voicing their suspicion.

Why? Because he saw something in the tall boy in a blazer that he missed wearing every single day. Sebastian always listened. So there was that and it meant the opposite of nothing. Keeping this friendship–so soon after the promise of getting it back–was important enough to try to get to know Barry. Really know him. Staying wasn’t an option. It was a necessity. Starting from scratch–he smoothed his hands over the lip of the bar and then gave the polished wood a squeeze with both hands as round two was sat in front of them. “Starting now–. What do you do now? Where have you been all these years? That’s a good place to start..yeah?”

stolenscarlet.

“As long as you need. I mean I’ve got some obligations while I’m in town but I’ve got no plans tonight and we can meet up again if you want- and you have my number anyway so..”

As Blaine rounds back to the brief mention of his father, Barry almost winces. He was used to the looks, the apologies that came with the story. “My uh, my mom was murdered when I was young, and he was arrested for it but it wasn’t him. No one believes the kid after they’re around for something like that though because of the shock.” He says with a shrug. “He’s out now, but..Yeah that was a big part of it. Besides being a nerd I was also the kid with the crazy dad so school was horrible back home, and the only one who believed me was my foster sister, Iris, and then I actually fought the bullies a few times and got in trouble for it and my foster dad’s relatives in Ohio offered to help out.” He was rambling- offering more answers than were asked for but given the circumstance Barry actually felt that it was okay. The more context Blaine had the easier it would be to understand, he hoped. Still, he stops himself with a simple, “So um.. Yeah.”

Blaine cringed inwardly when Barry explained the main reason why everything fell apart in his life that ultimately ended up with him being in Westerville, Ohio. He didn’t mean to strike such a tender chord. Then again, what could he really expect? In hindsight, no one ends up hiding out with a foster family and reinventing themselves completely over something small. Classic open mouth, insert shoe moment. Good one, Blaine. “I know this is going to sound all sorts of cliche. But. I really am sorry that you went through something so awful.. No one deserves that,” he shook his head and thumbed at a streak of condensation trickling down the side of his glass, “Especially not you.”

Wanting to try and offer Se–Barry a way out of such a hurtful topic, a soft nudge of elbow to elbow leaned Blaine a bit closer. A caring smile warmed his features. “It does explain so many unsolved mysteries I’ve wondered about here and there. So? There’s that. Okay. It doesn’t solve them. Honestly, it makes more spring up now that I think about it..but they are ones that revolve around the real you.” Blaine shrugged and finished off his drink, nudging the glass towards the bartender to signal for another right after. “So, if I have time..like you said…there are some babysteps towards getting to know you, Barry. Which I’d love to do if the offer is still open. I mean..you know me. Or me back in Ohio. Maybe we could get to know one another again..?”

stolenscarlet.

“As long as you need. I mean I’ve got some obligations while I’m in town but I’ve got no plans tonight and we can meet up again if you want- and you have my number anyway so..”

As Blaine rounds back to the brief mention of his father, Barry almost winces. He was used to the looks, the apologies that came with the story. “My uh, my mom was murdered when I was young, and he was arrested for it but it wasn’t him. No one believes the kid after they’re around for something like that though because of the shock.” He says with a shrug. “He’s out now, but..Yeah that was a big part of it. Besides being a nerd I was also the kid with the crazy dad so school was horrible back home, and the only one who believed me was my foster sister, Iris, and then I actually fought the bullies a few times and got in trouble for it and my foster dad’s relatives in Ohio offered to help out.” He was rambling- offering more answers than were asked for but given the circumstance Barry actually felt that it was okay. The more context Blaine had the easier it would be to understand, he hoped. Still, he stops himself with a simple, “So um.. Yeah.”

Blaine went slack jawed at the answer–his gaze softening until he corrected at least one of the dumbstruck reactions by palming his hand over his mouth and then propping his jaw ~~shut~~ up with the heel of his hand. Barry was never the one to want any sort of pity for anything. He knew that. But it was hard to not want to reach out and tell him he was sorry. Apologizing for the death of someone another person loves always felt so canned to Blaine. Giving him that wasn’t what he wanted to do. Cover his hand? Tell him that he wished he never went through that nightmare? Yeah. He just wasn’t sure that was wanted. Or if they were there yet. Years ago? It would have happened in an instant. Time and distance apart? Why should it matter? Why should it feel so awkward? No idea. It just did. “I’m glad you had someone who believed you. I would have to,” he muttered not wanting to interrupt the conversation but he felt like he had to say something.

“I wish I would’ve known this then. I wouldn’t have let you think about those things alone,” he meant every word. “You knew a lot about what went on in my head. Some of the things you said make a little more sense now..or how you acted when you thought no one was looking. We were close, right? I mean. For you, too?” Blaine missed the man sitting next to him often. It’s not like he said goodbye to Ohio and forgot everyone there. Especially not someone like..him. “We could start over. A little bit? Get to know one another the way we are now? If you want..”

stolenscarlet.

A sense of relief washes over him as Blaine replies, shoulders dropping with relieved tension as he says he wants to stay. Barry hadn’t honestly been sure if even Blaine Anderson could be so forgiving as to hear him out. Besides the lies that were told throughout their friendship it was a ridiculous story- one he doubts many people would believe someone would actually do.

He takes a deep breath in before answering, cautious still even if his nerves weren’t quite as bad. “It was me- it was definitely me I mean. Sebastian’s life story was a polar opposite to mine, basically. Outside of things I said I did while in Ohio, all of the stories were made up. I have barely left Central City, never mind vacationed in Paris, my dad was a doctor before he was arrested- wrongfully arrested, but he was definitely not in a position of power like I said he was.. The conversations though? Just us talking about us and present day and not our childhoods for example- that was all me. Completely.”

Hazel eyes scanned Barry’s face with measuring glance trying to piece together when the fragments of what was true and false should have been easy to notice. How did he always consider himself someone who could read the people closest to him so easy when he wanted to? Yet he managed to miss so many stories that it was vaguely embarrassing that he bought into them all. Sebastian became a friend when he truly needed one. A person that reminded him so much of Dalton when he missed it daily. But was removed enough from it to be something new, too? A mixture of both that soothed Blaine’s nerves just to be around on more than one occasion. “How long do I have with you to get the answers I need? There are so many questions, Seb–Um. This is a lot to take in..”

That’s why he couldn’t get up and walk away where others who might’ve just been told their friend was barely someone who they knew. Out of their friend’s on volition. Truth of the matter? Sebastian/Barry/Whoever knew him more than he ever planned on letting him know. And, because of that, was someone that no amount of time could erase how tenderly Blaine thought about him. Even the harsh mistakes that should’ve split them apart from one another in the past were overlooked in time. If they could be better than those? They could be better than THIS. “Wait. Your father was wrongfully arrested?” Catching that–Blaine figured he reacted like anyone would. Confused and bewildered. How much one one person can you not know, while knowing so much about them at the same time? “Is that part of why you did what you did? What happened? Where is he now?”

sebastian. barry.

“Sort of? Everything I did was still me doing it, obviously but– Sebastian was just a persona.” Never has he wished alcohol would help him more. The liquid does nothing to ease his nerves and so he hardly touches it while the current amount of anxiety is strumming through his veins. “You can totally leave now if you want and I’ll never bother you again, or- ask questions? Whatever, I know it’s really weird and screwed up.” Weird didn’t begin to cover it. Neither did screwed up, Barry thought. There was a reason he had never told a soul about what he did in high school. As far as any of his current friends or coworkers were concerned, Barry was exactly the same as he is now.

With Blaine though it was not only a matter of how strange and wrong what he had done was, it was a betrayal in friendship. Every personal word Blaine shared, Barry could only meet with half truths at the best. Understandably, he was guilty for that detail on it’s own.

Blaine sat through the rest of Barry’s explanation with a partially open-mouthed look of dumbfounded he didn’t quite catch before he could turn it into something more neutral. An elbow propped up on the countertop and he palmed over his mouth as soon as he felt the heaviness of his expression sink in. One thing was for certain. He didn’t want to take Seb–Barry’s offer to get up and leave. Not when there were so many questions to ask. Certainly not after the minute he realized that so much of him wanted to stay put. It’d been a long time since he last saw this face until the restaurant and now. Despite everything? Turning his back and walking out the door just—he didn’t want to do that.

But there was a lead weight in his stomach, too. He tried to reason with himself in those seconds of utter silence that fell between them where he was just stupidly looking at Barry, that the feeling was only temporary. Something he could get rid of once he had answers. “I don’t want to leave. I really have missed you and it feels so good to see you again.. I–. Our friendship was real. Wasn’t it? The you that I got to know was YOU? How much of it was a persona talking in all the conversations we had and how much was you?” There that was a start. If it made any sense at all.

run that by me again? (no pun intended)

He’s not surprised at all that the first thing he’s asked is about that phone call. Wasn’t the best way to bring it up, he supposed, but better than blind-sighting the guy is what Barry had been going for. He takes the seat offered to him and nods, taps his fingers on the counter a few times before realizing how annoying that would get and folding his arms on the bar instead.

“Yeah, yeah that was.. Probably the weirdest way I could have started- um.. Here’s the thing? I was a complete dickhead in high school. And I lied, a lot uh.. My name’s not Sebastian. It’s Barry Allen.” he pauses, casting a cautious glance to his old friend. “I was staying with my foster dad’s relatives because I was getting attitude problems and being bullied pretty bad and they offered to send me to Dalton and then when I got there I didn’t want to be me and I was trying to joke about who I was but then the guys I met believed me and I realized I liked Sebastian way more than Barry and everyone else did too, so… I just kept piling it on. And I was so angry all the time- god it was just– I made my own life really hard and was doing bad things because I felt bad which is never okay so– I just wanted to explain all of that so maybe you don’t think I’m completely wasting your time.”

Golden hazel eyes narrowed thoughtfully. Blaine wasn’t far enough into his drink to have his common sense dampened in any way. Sebastian Smythe was nervous? That was new. From what Blaine remembered–Sebastian was always anything but nervous. Except the few times he caught that facade slipping when they were in highschool and it boggled Blaine’s mind to watch the normally oh-so-confident boy’s demeanor break when he did the dumbest things. Like getting visibly caught up in the things Sebastian was saying to him. Or the way he made him feel like he was the only person on the planet that couldn’t formulate a sentence right and Sebastian ate up every twitch and blush and gasp for air until–well Sebastian did it a few times back before righting his posture and plastering on that charming grin. Then tossed something so far off the wall at him Blaine ended up without a chance to question what he just saw.

Turns out? The only thing in the span on a few sentences wasn’t about to change was that power.. Right as Blaine was about to ask what was going on–Barry hit him with.. “I.. What,” dark eyebrows pushed together and he did a sort of double take with a disbelieving grin that said Blaine was waiting for some punchline. And it wasn’t going to come. Was it? Nope. He listened further–gaze locked dead on Seb–Barry’s. “You.. How? You’re not kidding me. Are you? This is real. You’re really telling me..,” he palmed his mouth because it wasn’t working. “You really did that? Sebastian..wasn’t real?”

unexpected turn of events.

Barry would be there in seconds flat, so he stalled. And then stalling turned into checking over what he was wearing and that turned into ten minutes of changing clothes over and over, during which Axel came to sit on his bed and give opinions that turned into conversation- and twenty minutes at least have gone by before Barry makes it to the door. He has no idea how long it takes Blaine to get where he was going but he suspects his own timing was either perfect or horrible, as always.

When he gets there he’s still a bit jittery, but he’s not too bad at hiding that. Really he should be better at it by now; he hid his secret identity as a criminal and as the Flash but his nerves were on his sleeve almost every last time. He can’t help but think that was something he missed about Sebastian. The mask wasn’t good for him to keep, but god it was easier in public to never embarrass himself like he does now.
Regardless.
Once he’s spotted Blaine. Barry tries to shake it all off, making his way over with a bit of a smile on his face. “Hey.”

Halfway into his drink–Blaine’s heels begin to bob against the rungs of his stool nervously. What–exactly–did Sebastian have to tell him that was such a struggle that their conversation was ended so abruptly? In such a cryptic manner, too. If this was a rehash of mistakes made? He wasn’t going to let Sebastian focus on the poor choices he made during high school. As far as he was concerned? They moved past that long before they graduated.

Bringing it up now was just picking at scars that were already faded. Not even close to old wounds. Not when there wasn’t even a wood to be considered. Regardless of his silent questioning–the answer came soon. Hearing Sebastian’s voice–hazel eyes were drawn up and a smile greeted his friend. No matter what Sebastian had to say–it felt good to lay eyes on him and have his company after going so long without. “Hey.”
Fingertips moved from the side of his glass and motioned to the seat next to him. “First rounds on me. You know I’m going to ask you what that was about, don’t you? I think that was the first time you ever hung up on me.”