( mssg » blaine | sent ) Dude. ( mssg » blaine | sent )Dude. ( mssg » blaine | sent ) Blaine hey!!! omg. I’m always up and Ofc I can talk. Dude no, you could literally never bother me. You have no idea how happy I am that you even texted. Like I honestly didn’t think i’d ever get a text from you again and it pretty much just made my whole week seeing your name pop up on my screen. I didn’t believe it at first. ( mssg » blaine | sent ) who’s rambling now am i right? ( mssg » blaine | sent ) Nah, that’s just you being you for sure. it’s so crazy how somethings stick and somethings dont. brains are weird, man. ( mssg » blaine | sent ) Whats up?
( mssg » sam | sent ) I’m so glad I didn’t wake you up. I’ve been laying here wondering if I should send something this late. Then I realized the longer I waited, the later it was getting and I better hit send before I end up wasting any more time. I’m glad I had the chance to make you that happy with something so simple. When, honestly, you’re doing me the favor now with keeping me company.
( mssg » sam | sent ) It’s a good kind of rambling. You made me smile. ( mssg » sam | sent ) Weird is a great word for them. Frustrating. Miraculous. Messy. Those, among others, too. Weird is the best one though. ( mssg » sam | sent ) I was thinking about you. About our talk the other day. It’s all I’ve been thinking about. I wish we had more time to talk. Maybe we could do that tomorrow? After Warblers practice? You could come if you want to?
( mssg » sam | sent ) Hi, Sam. This is Blaine. I’d ask you if you remember who I am. ( mssg » sam | sent ) But we both know how ironic that would be. ( mssg » sam | sent ) Are you up? Can you talk? I hope I’m not bothering you. ( mssg » sam | sent ) I just have trouble sleeping sometimes. I’m not sure if that’s an always been there thing. Or a new one. But. You gave me your number and.. Oh god. I’m rambling. I’m sorry. Let me try this again.. ( mssg » sam | sent ) Hello, Sam. I hope you’re awake? If not. I’ll see you tomorrow.
( mssg » blaine | sent ) this is stupid. whats it gonna fix blaine???? like are you suddenly gonna be like okay bye kurt? cause thats not you and we both know it ( mssg » blaine | sent ) lol dont worry blaine im gonna be okay. im always okay ( mssg » blaine | sent) talk to you later in glee club maybe maybe not, duh ( mssg » blaine | sent ) because i needed SOMEONE to talk to that wasn’t you. tina would just tell you and try and play doctor phil and santana would get back to you AND kurt. obviously cant talk to kurt cause lololol who else am i gonna talk to when everyone else would just loop back to him or you?? like yeah quinn was a crappy gf somtimes but she listened to me and tried to hellp after i went to her so. it is what it is ( mssg » blaine | sent ) i’m at the park but i really dont wanna c u right now. i said what i had to say
( mssg » sam | sent ) It’s not me to ignore that I’m hurting you either and we both know that, too. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to keep doing this to you. ( mssg » sam | sent ) No. You always say you’re okay. Even when you’re not. That’s not being okay. That’s making everyone think you’re okay because you don’t want to worry them. Trust me. I know how that goes. ( mssg » sam | sent ) Oh. Right. How did I not get that? ( mssg » sam | sent ) I understand. You’re right. You deserve a friend you can trust. I only wish you would have come to me instead. Having you hurt this much isn’t something I’d ever want. You know I’m not a cruel person. I might not be able to wave a magic wand and find a solution for everything..but..
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make you try to understand that I still lo–care about you so much, Sam.” Blaine’s voice picked up where his messages left off, quiet steps coming to a stop beside the picnic table Sam was sitting on top of. He knew where he’d be. It was where they’d disappeared off to several times before and they were nothing if not creatures of habit when it came to safe places and sentimental stuff. Thus the whole rubber band effect they kept having on each other. They’d try to get away, they’d stretch fate and distance until they couldn’t stretch it anymore then crash back together in a tangled mess. Seems like lately that mess was a daily occurrence Blaine had no idea how to end.
Unless..
Hands in his pockets, Blaine turned his gaze towards the sky overhead. A blanket of stars and clouds painted across the inky blue black might’ve been the perfect thing to watch together if their situation was different. God. That idea brought back memories. Though no smile came with them like it normally did. Instead, Blaine’s face seemed lost when he glanced over at Sam. Holding his breath and debating on whether or not he should put what he was about to say out into the universe because that made them real, tangible things that he’d either do or not but would have to answer for either way. Silent thoughts were one thing. Making them solid by putting your voice behind them? Made them impossible to take back.
One last dart of hazel across blue, his choice was made as he sat on the bench right next to Sam’s foot.
“…I think it would be better if I went back to Dalton.”
( mssg » blaine | sent ) text messages is the only time i wanna have this conversation. and its NOT both ( mssg » blaine | sent ) you can’t come over cause i’m not home and even if i was home everyone would be asleep and theres no way we could be ninjas right now and i cant wake anyone up so like TTYLIGCMMN ( mssg » blaine | sent) dont YOU even try ( mssg » blaine | sent ) the first one to come to mind was kurt otherwiSe we wouldnt be in this situation and that should have toLd me what i needed to know but i didnt wanna see that and maybe it took quinn pointing it out to me to realize it but that was your answer already cause if it wasnt things would be DIFFEReNT and you know it blaine
( mssg » sam | sent ) No. We need to talk about this in person. Please? There is no way text messages can cover what we need to say. Especially not when you’re drunk. And I just need to see you and make sure you’re going to be okay.. ( mssg » sam | sent ) TTYLIGCMMN? ( mssg » sam | sent ) Where are you? Please tell me. ( mssg » sam | sent ) Sam? Why would you listen to Quinn about anything between you and I? She has no idea how deep this goes. If you want an answer about something? Ask me. Not her. Or anyone else. Me.
( mssg » blaine | sent ) i think its stupid i only ever got to kiss you once, and that kurt can do it whenever he wants. like in class (PRETTY SURE MR SHCUE ISNT SUPPOSRTED TO ALLOW THAT BTW. IDK WHY HE DOES UNLESS HE LIKES WATCHING YOU AND KURT SUCK EACH OTHERS FACES OFF) ok maybe not that bad but idk why he always has to touch you? like dude we’re here to sing remember how thats all you card about and now suddenly its all about showing off how happy and in love he is with you, which cool thats great but lmao ( mssg » blaine | sent) and there are how many people in glee club why do you two always have to be paired up or hanging off of each other, like go twirl tina or something blaine like kurt can go wheel artie around or do single ladies in thE CORNER I DON’T CARE ( mssg » blaine | sent) fuck airplane mode doesn’t work so much for that but you know what i don’t even care. it is whatever man. but i think you should find something else to do on saturday because i’m not really in the mood for a sleep over and honestly i dont even care cod came out this week. i want you to let that SINK IN BLAINE. and we ordered pizza last night so i’m NOT Gonna want it again so. ( mssg » blaine | sent ) god this isnt even about COD dont go trying to make it seem like i’m talking about something else cause i’m not i’m just talking about you and kurt ╭∩╮(-_-)╭∩╮
( mssg » sam | sent ) Sam? I’m sorry. I didn’t ( mssg » sam | sent ) No. Wait. We’re not having this conversation in text messages. Especially when you’re so upset or drunk or both. ( mssg » sam | sent ) I’m coming over. ( mssg » sam | sent ) PS. I’m not going to take no for an answer. Don’t even try. I’m already on my way and I’m not turning around. No matter what you threaten me with either. I’ll sit outside until you open the door if I have to.
Wasn’t that kinda the problem? For the good of Kurt, yeah. It made sense. He supported it. But the rest of it? It really freaking sucked. Sam had rallied in Kurt’s corner and supported him when the rest of New Directions tapped out, even if it didn’t go according to plan, and he’d always liked him but… Blaine getting involved made it all messy. They knew each other and letting on like they were just… Two dudes who went to the same school? Putting on a front to the world? Lying was exhausting, but it didn’t compare to how exhausting it was seeing the both of them together.
“Yeah, just when no one’s looking’.” Sam shrugged, though the defeat in his tone almost counteracted how harsh his words came out. It was hurt. It felt like he was playing a spy half the time, which in retrospect should have felt a lot cooler, but it really didn’t. James Bond just had to kick a lot of ass and hook up with a lot of girl’s with unfortunately slutty names, he didn’t have to worry about the emotional terrorism that came with it. Even if Sam should have been used to that by now considering his dating history.
“You know, this really sucks.” Sam finally admitted with a huff, eyes raising back to Blaine’s as his arms crossed against his chest, his back pressed against the cool brick of McKinley. Glee Club had let out an hour ago and he’d waited until Kurt and Blaine were done doing whatever lovesick duet they’d rented out the auditorium for. You know, for extra practice. Sam wasn’t sure that wasn’t code for emotional handjobs, or at the very least empty auditorium make outs.
“When we did this ‘For the good of Kurt’,” The air quotes came as his arms uncurled from his chest, a dramatic flare that quietly highlighted how frustrated he was with the situation, “I thought it was gonna be for the better. Helping people usually makes you feel better, but this?This doesn’t feel like helpin’ people. This feels like lying and the end of cancer movies and chick flicks when the one person dies and they do that stupid slow montage of all the happy moments. But you can’t be happy. Cause they’re dead.” The point was kind of getting lost in frustration. Sam sighed, shaking his head and pushing off the wall and past Blaine, “I just don’t know what the point of letting you in anymore is when it just hurts. It doesn’t feel like us.”
Keys in hand, the former Warbler cut through the back of the school towards the street he had to park on after missing any available space since he’d started his commute late. He was on a high from performing, face flush and a pep to his step that always followed after glee club practices with Kurt. Honestly, it was what he needed. The entire situation where he couldn’t quite meet someone’s eyes during the parts of the songs Mr. Schue had them singing next to one another was about as mentally exhausting as coming face to face with the reality this move was going to be a hell of a lot harder than he originally thought. But. He was trying to put his hesitation behind him. To move past the part where he woke up and immediately reached for the crimson and navy tie still hanging from the back of the chair in his room. Then felt a hollow ache in his belly when he realized bow ties were, once again, his go to accessory.
They were trying, too. Their secret was so much easier to keep when he was at Dalton and Sam was a distant presence always in the back of his mind and a town away but not near enough to have to see and be reminded of every day. Pretending they were strangers while, basically, living like they were didn’t come with the buckets of guilt he had to swallow every. single. day. now that he was at McKinley. Thinking what it was doing to Sam, feeling what it was doing to himself? Pretty soon something had to give. Or one of them was going to snap in half.
Blaine just hadn’t realized today might be that day. Maybe it’s because he was banking on himself being the one to finally break and say or do something he’d regret two seconds after he did the thing. Sam was always so patient. So kind. And from what was starting to become painfully obvious and simultaneously grate on Blaine’s nerves, so willing to help everyone else that he didn’t realize some people were close to leaving scuff marks on his back from where they wiped their feet on their way across it. Of the two of them who would be the one to unleash an outburst? Hopefully when it was just the two of them and not in front of the whole glee club including Kurt. He would have betted it was going to be himself. Hands down. Not..
Sam waiting for him after he’d walked Kurt to his car and kissed him goodbye caught Blaine off guard. Catching him standing against the wall directly in the path it was obvious Blaine would have to take from the auditorium to get to his car could only mean one thing. He was waiting for him. For a little over an hour. Blaine came to a halt, his keys rattled as he balled them up in a fist to steady himself. Two minutes after an awkward hello and Sam not answering his question on if he waited for him (obvious answers didn’t need out loud ones), Blaine said the only thing he could think of. Turns out? Probably the wrong thing..
By the time he was done listening, Blaine could have told you exactly which white rivets of his navy boat shoes had too many scuffs, which ones looked brand new, and how many cracks were in the pavement underneath them, too. But he managed to catch hold of Sam’s wrist before he could get too far away from him with a quick reach and a stubborn refusal to let go. “I’m not dead. I’m right here. That’s what I am trying to say. We don’t have to hide this much. I’m sorry. This is messed up. I don’t know how to fix it. I just..please, Sam? Wait..?”
pianokeysandbowties back up 