Sebastian heard the words, though he was on the verge of sleep. It felt nice. Almost out of it, but still conscious. He was peaceful now, as Blaine accepted him on his arm, and amazingly it FIT. He never thought they would, but they did. His forehead rested against Blaine’s throat his nose lightly nudging his collarbones as the car started juggling. His breath coming out warm against Blaine’s skin. He felt better than he had in weeks. He didn’t quite mind where they were going, as long as it was a long trip. He wasn’t nauseous. He didn’t get nauseous since his second time getting hammered. And that was a long time ago. For long minutes he stayed silent. Wavering between sleep and consciousness, enjoying Blaine’s warmth, softness, the way it felt to be in his arm. Something Sebastian dreaded with every other person. It crawled his skin to be INTIMATE with people. But right then, drunk with Blaine, it didn’t. At all. It felt good. He could stay in that cab forever. Eventually though, he did speak, as he adjusted himself from how the movement had bumped him, comfortably set by Blaine’s side. ‘Would’I hav’… a chance, if I didn’?? ‘ He asked quietly. And despite his struggle with the words, they were serious. His green eyes opening to look up at Blaine. Eyebrows set.
Blaine cradled the slender body against him as the cab drove towards his apartment. Thinking better ten minutes into Sebastian’s drifting in and out–Blaine had the driver change course towards Sebastian’s instead. If he was going to be hellishly hung over? The last thing he’d need was to sit in traffic the next day when Blaine drove him back. Passing out in your own bed is far better anyway. The cabbie didn’t care. More money. In the meantime–Blaine lets Sebastian doze or rustle and stops fighting the urge to cup the back of his head or twist a strand of hair between his fingers as they move through traffic. One particular bump brought Blaine back from where his thoughts were stuck in a place they shouldn’t be. Apparently, Sebastian was rustled enough that he tuned back in. Blaine’s hand dropped to grip the handle until his skin color bled out from holding it so tight. A soft sigh parted his lips. He couldn’t help the saddened expression that shoved his eyebrows together until he was aware enough to turn it into nothing but a warm, thoughtful smile and gentle, concerned gaze. Sebastian managed to pick up right where they left off. There’d be no chance of escaping having to answer. Not with those eyes hinging on his reply. Blaine licked his lips, smiled again, and peeled his fingers off the cheap plastic they clutched to push some of Sebastian’s bangs from his eyes. “You always had a chance. You lost it for a good while but it didn’t stay gone, okay? You’re more important than high school mistakes and regrets. Got it? You need to start giving you more credit. You’re not that easy to let go either. Try to remember that in the morning, hm? Might not have the nerve to tell you when you’re sober.”
Sebastian watched him as he tried to wake up. He sighed as he checked on his clock. ‘Live in the moment, killer.’ He didn’t really give a shit what time was it. What were weekends for?? He’d fought for his right not to have a weekend schedule, and though his father still tried to fill his time with polo games and business brunches, Sebastian was having none of it. He scratched his face lightly where his scruff would start to grow soon, and stretched himself out, showing his long legs in front of him, as he turned up to the ceiling and closed his eyes. Letting Blaine wake up. ‘Still loud.’ He answered, stubbornly, though there was the hint of a smirk on the corner of his lips. He hummed. ‘Never too early for sex jokes, Blainers.’ The next words did surprise him, though. He straightened his head as he glanced at the other, and cocked an eyebrow. ‘Disappointing and yet. You’re aware you’re sounding a lot like you might just get into my sheets one day, right??’ Did Blaine actually mean he SHOULD continue his advances?? That they weren’t unwelcome even after everything?? The thought sparked up something in him. Specially as his eyes stopped for a moment over Blaine’s grinning lips. Cute fucker. He groaned as Blaine started to actually get up, knowing he ought to follow. Specially since it was his kitchen. Not that he knew much more about it than Blaine that had never seen it. ‘Can I get some EGGS with that??’ He teased lightly as he forced himself up, sighing. ‘Always.’ He agreed after all. ‘You still remember my order don’t you??’ Maybe some cognac with something greasy would be the better way to go with his hangover.
“Living in the moment is a great idea, Seb. If I remember correctly,” Blaine took on a thoughtful pout recalling the previous evening, “You said that a few times last night when I was trying to warn you about that hang over you have no. Lesson learned? Living in the moment is great if you do it in moderation. Do you know the meaning of that word? Something tells me that’s a resounding no,” this time the grin twisted into a smirk before he scrunched his nose and gave him a playful chuckle.
“Sure,” he palmed over the back of his neck popping out the last crinks from sleeping on a couch the whole night, “Coffee and eggs. Hangover breakfast of champions. Got it.” Standing up slowly–Blaine took his moment of pause and ignoring the question to cross over and offer Sebastian a help the rest of the way out of his seat if he needed. His eyes were brightly dancing, full of amusement as he wriggled his fingers and waited to see if Sebastian would take them. “Sorry to disappoint you, by the way. As far as the your first question? What fun would it be if I, finally, answered you? Why ruin the mystery,” he teased unabashedly. Even tossed in an innocent, expectant blink like he expected Sebastian to be 100% in agreement with the reason why Blaine never quite confirming whether he’d ever find out the print of Sebastian’s sheets from first hand experience. Or not. A picture floated through his mind of what that would look like–and how he’d make that discovery–and he felt his throat close in and a splash of heat fill his stomach. The more he thought about it? The easier it was to feel his pulse picking up and a heat spreading over his cheeks. Nothing a cough and a switch of the subject couldn’t fix? Yes, he pictured that. How they would feel, smell. Especially when–. No! Cut that out! Breathing deep should bring his heart rate back to normal, yeah? No big deal! None at all! All under control! Coffee! Eggs! Breakfast wasn’t going to cook itself!
“H-Hey! I’m not acting like an old granny if that’s what you’re insinuating. Excuse me if I’m the only one of us worried about what might happen if we get caught.”
The pause meant everything. It gave him HOPE. Hope that maybe, perhaps- He could barely think of the words without going breathless. He could FEEL Blaine’s pulse raising under the warm touch of his thumb, and he wanted to grab his hand, reel all of him in, but he couldn’t move. He kept staring at him, pupils blown out with hope and doubt all the same. A breath escaped when Blaine didn’t pull away, and then the WORDS. He’d been forgiven. And it was more than he could’ve hoped for. He thought he’d have to pursue Blaine for a long time before he could even be around him as friends. Feelings or no feelings. His heart was racing too. And he’d never felt anything like it before. He didn’t know how to COPE with it. He needed Blaine closer with a ravenous hunger, and at the same time if they just stayed like that, it felt like it was more than enough to overwhelm him. His eyebrows screwed, and he panted. Daring to hope for something when Blaine talked like that. When they first met, he thought he could tell everything the other boy was feeling with just one look. And he hadn’t felt like that since, but he did now. ‘Then maybe we should do something about it.’ He urged, as he moved chairs to impulsively get closer. His hand letting go of his wrist, only to slide alongside the inside his forearm on the table and place his fingers warmly at the bend of his elbow. Sebastian looked at him. ‘Look, killer. This scares the shit out of me. Alright?? But after-’ Dave, Slushie ‘Everything. I’d be a fucking idiot to let you go over BAD TIMING. That’s stupid. That first time we sat here, on this table and talked- I know you know what I mean.’ He stated. He was so close on his side but facing him, that their knees were touching and the warmth made his breath shallow. ‘I won’t. Even if you walk out on me. I’m not asking you for anything other than a chance. Don’t we deserve at least that much??’
Hope filling Sebastian’s eyes gave a splash of relief from the building tension, hurt, ache squeezing Blaine’s chest. Yes, he’d forgiven Sebastian a long time ago. Much to the disapproval of his friends who threw the incident at him–’He almost blinded you!’–as a reason to doubt the sincerity of the boy who committed the action trying to suddenly redeem himself after a near stranger almost—. ‘How could he forgive someone like Sebastian for that? Apologies and donation tins aside?’ Those were the questions that the less forgiving people he knew drilled into him non-stop until they let it go and their attention shifted to their personal dramas that took focus off Blaine’s at last. But. He saw Sebastian suffering. Felt it.
Yes, Sebastian was forgiven. Blaine hoped that he could, eventually, forgive himself. It was so much easier to focus on the look of hope in Sebastian’s eyes than to hone in on the way his breath was stolen when he switched seats. How it all rushed back in when a touch that slid up his arm ignited every nerve ending and made them dance. The way Sebastian’s tone was soft, his petname fell from his tongue. Blaine’s spine felt the syllables. It always did. The inside of his mouth dried up so much he had to run his tongue over the roof to wet it again. Hazel eyes fell shut and brows shoved together, face scrunched in an attempt to keep what he was feeling in check and not let his eyes fill with tears. Their knees brushed together as Blaine covered Sebastian’s hand and cupped the side of his pale throat with the other. “We deserve a lot.” Honesty came at a price. His efforts to keep his eyes dry were spent and he opened them to search Sebastian’s knowing the burning wasn’t going to stop. Guilt filled them deeply. “But,” his voice dropped to a whisper. Who knew what he was begging for? Understanding, an interruption, a call out, his room to argue shut away? He wouldn’t say–but the tone was there. “For us to get a chance at what we deserve–someone I care deeply about gets the exact opposite. How am I supposed to do that to him after–everything I promised? What kind of a person does that make me if I do?”
Sebastian did plan to get up for something greasy to eat after he was done with his water, but Blaine woke up first. He put his glass down slowly, now that he was a little more sure he wasn’t going to hurl into it. He smirked softly as Blaine looked at him, looking like a scrambled pillow and rubbing his eyes. ‘Morning.’ He answered, easily, grabbing his glass and offering the rest of his water to Blaine as he leaned over lightly, still careful with his moves. ‘Shhh…’ he said at the second statement, making down motions with his hand. ‘Quieter. Please.’ He asked, frowning, though he also scrunched up his nose, showing his mood wasn’t quite so dreadful. ‘Okay is a way to put it I suppose.’ He lied back, on the armchair, staring at Blaine for a moment. ‘The fact we woke up in different rooms does put a downer on my imagination for what’s got us here.’ He teased, lips curling lightly. ‘But I’m sure my thinking and memory will be much improved after some breakfast.’
Taking the glass with a grateful ‘hmph’–if ‘hmphs’ could be grateful, Blaine Anderson would be the one to pull it off–he finished it and forced himself further awake. Tired eyes combed the walls looking for anything to read the time on before he remembered his watch. Pulling back and eyeballing the sleep blurry numbers with a squint and an arched brow, he pressed his lips into an apologetic grimace at Sebastian after talking so ‘loudly’. “Way too early for my voice to be loud for you. Way too early for your teasing for me,” he joked back not actually minding in the slightest but needing to get a comeback in–no matter how boring it was–anyway. “You’d want to remember if I finally gave into your advances, Sebastian. I wouldn’t let you waste them on a drunken night where you’d forget the next day. Oh and you were way too many sheets to the wind for me to even think about getting between yours.” Never too early for an ear to ear grin though. Using a fist to push himself up into a sitting position, Blaine rubbed his hair out of his face to chase some curls that managed to escape and hang in his eyes back then rub some more sleepiness away. “Coffee first?”
‘ARE you?? ‘ Sebastian spilled the question before he could contain himself. His knuckles whitening as he squeezed his fingers in reaction to his spurt. He swallowed at Blaine’s stuttering. His pulse raising at the thought that maybe, just MAYBE- He never understood Blaine’s thing with Kurt. The minute their eyes met he’d just known Blaine was different. When they talked it was as though everything was falling into PLACE. Fitting. His jaw popped as Blaine spoke again, his lips twisting as he pressed them down. ‘Tell me you didn’t feel it.’ He reached out, impulsively grabbing Blaine’s wrist, their pulses seeming to beat on the same rapid pace to him, as his thumb pressed against it, longingly. ‘Tell me you don’t feel it. I KNOW what I did-’ He gritted his teeth ‘I know you might never forgive me for that, but I can’t- I don’t want to just quit this. I’m not WILLING to just fade back and let you forget all about me. I’m not going to.’
‘Are you??’ and Blaine’s chin tucked down–eyes round, mouth open as if he were about to say something but fell mute. Speechless, dizzy and falling short for words? It’s not the reaction he thought he’d have if that question ever came his way. He should be screaming yes, his heart aches to. Just throw the word out and let Sebastian have it because everything about that question should be ‘YES! Who are you to question it?’ but it’s not and it makes his mouth run dry. It was a desert by the time Sebastian’s hand was on his wrist–a touch that exploded like fireworks in his veins and twisted his stomach because it shouldn’t. Staring down Sebastian’s hand, dark eyebrows wrinkled as he watched his fingers twitch towards the warmth that was just out of reach. “I already forgave you, Sebastian,” a deep sigh followed as he sharply looked up. “Fade? You’re not fading and I couldnever forget you. What if I did feel everything you did?” His shoulders hitched, his breath drawn quick. “What if I say yes but our timing is so off? Or that the last thing I want you to do is to let go of me because I don’t want to walk away knowing I hurt you? How confused it makes me? Because I want–,” lips pressed into a thin line and he couldn’t keep looking into his eyes. Two brands of guilt turned his attention towards the ground. “–What I shouldn’t and I know my time having your patience is running out. Sooner or later..you’re going to forget about me and it’ll be my fault.”
text | rockstar : that explains why my head is bursting. text | rockstar : i’d totally bang me, though. doesn’t surprise me. wouldn’t you??
( mssg » sebastian | sent ) That’s one of several reasons why your head is bursting, Sebastian. ( mssg » sebastian | sent ) I can give you a play-by-play on a few of them if you want? I’m sure there was more before you drunk dialed me for help. ( mssg » sebastian | sent ) It doesn’t surprise me that you’d “bang” yourself. Hm. Wouldn’t I what? Hit on myself? 😉
‘That’s bullshit and you know it, killer.’ Sebastian spoke softly, despite the words, his eyes hurtful as he glanced away. ‘Because of gay f Kurt?’ He made a pause, as he stared at Blaine. Blaine. Who had seemed like the perfect fit, the moment Sebastian laid eyes on him. He’d never wanted to settle down before. But he knew he might. For Blaine. ‘Tell me honestly. Do you REALLY think you fit with him as well as you could, with me??’
Blaine didn’t realize he was holding his breath until his lungs started burning. He took a ragged gulp of air. Immediately–his chin tucked towards his collar after Sebastian asked the obvious. But he didn’t break eye contact even though his stomach bottoming out told him he should. Furrowed brows shot up and he slid his hands across the table leaving heat imprints where they rested. “Do you even have to ask if it’s because of him? Of course it’s because of Kurt. I’m in–,” he stopped abruptly like the words were stolen off the tip of his tongue. He raced to get them back. Blaine stuttered–a grave error considering who he was talking to–blinked rapidly and ended up letting his gaze shift down to the darkness between his waist and the table. “We can’t compare that. Kurt and I fit differently than you and I do would. That’s not fair,” he murmured, “to anyone.”
Blaine was the last of the pair to fall asleep having watched over Sebastian well after he passed out to make sure he would be alright. He didn’t quite reach the time where he could watch dawn start to peek through the windows but he was close. Sleep came first. Surprisingly easily considering they changed destinations mid cab ride. Especially with the blanket from Sebastian’s bedroom that he carried out to the couch once the poor drunkard slipped into a blissfully numb–no doubt thanks to the amount of alcohol in his system–sleep. Water was sat by the bed, the curtains in the bedroom were shut, and Blaine curled up on the couch with a blanket that he couldn’t let himself focus too hard on how much it smelled like Sebastian. Or how soothingly comfortable the scent was. He stayed asleep for hours only stirring once he heard the shuffling steps move past the couch as Sebastian took a seat. Thick eyelashes fluttered and pinched shut a few times. Then in one deep inhale and a balled up fist digging into his right eye, Blaine squinted the other open and looked sleepily over towards Sebastian. “H-hey you,” his voice was scratchy but he licked his lips and the roof of his mouth to make it a little less so, “Good morning. Hope you’re feeling okay?”
pianokeysandbowties back up 