elliott.

“Blaine…” He looked so determined, so set that this wedding was all fine, and Elliott didn’t understand how he was ignoring it all crumbling around them so drastically. Everything was going wrong, the whole wedding idea was in shambles, and Blaine just seemed to not be able to admit it. Elliott didn’t want to make him see it, but he had to, for everyone’s sake, Blaine had to accept it wasn’t working out.

“You and I both know he’d be talking about it non-stop…Come on, don’t keep lying to yourself.” He said it in a soft voice, like when you break bad news to a child. He lent forwards a little too, posture lax and hopefully not seeming overly invasive, while remaining firm.

Blaine’s brows rose towards his hairline as he glanced up from the coffee lid he busied himself fiddling with at the sound of his name. The expression on Elliott’s face and the tone he said it in revealed everything he was about to say before the man said a word. –Don’t. Just..don’t.– But it was too late and there it was. The truth delivered feather soft that hit him like a punch to the stomach instead. His fingers that were stuck hovering in crooked angles above his coffee cup flexed and curved on the way to Blaine palming his mouth, thumb dragging hard over one corner on on the way past. What was he supposed to say? When Elliott was only trying to pull his blinders off when Blaine would argue until he was blue in the face that there were none?

Even if he saw what Elliott was so gently pointing out repeatedly before and during this conversation? Saying it outloud or acknowledging it only made it–real. Ignoring what you fear most is easier if you just pretend it doesn’t exist. “I’m sorry, Elliott. I know you care but–,” he was already pushing himself up trying to put the coffin nail in a conversation he ~~didn’t want to~~ couldn’t have. “I just–you–Kurt and I we’re fine and–.” Deflating, Blaine gave him a deeply apologetic look as he fell a day late and a dollar short of anything that made sense. “I can’t stop because if I don’t keep trying,” he shrugged helplessly and ran his tongue over the roof of his mouth with a light cough after to glue his voice back together. “I have to go.”

elliott.

Elliott sat patiently as Blaine talked, both off his own hands now resting in his lap under the table, long legs drawn back under his chair. He understood Blaine, he really, did, but understanding wasn’t the same as agreeing with him. Case in point, right now. At the question, Elliott opened his mouth to respond before snapping it shut again like a fish, not sure how to answer it. He looked away from Blaine, eyes darting around for a few moments as he tried to think of how to respond without hurting the others feelings.

Eventually his gaze dropped to the table for a moment before flicking back up to Blaine’s face. “I’m sorry.” That was all he really needed to say to make Blaine realise what he meant – Kurt had hardly mentioned the wedding at all. “Only to tell me you two were getting married and to ask if I would be back in time.” That had been it, two sentenced in a hour long skype call.

Blaine felt his heart fall when Elliott suddenly couldn’t look him in the eye and answer his question. He knew what Elliott was doing in his stuttering look around them at anything and everything other than keeping eye contact with him meant. Elliott was trying to figure out how to tell him what he feared might be the answer. Still? He kept a curious squint but tight jaw of confidence he would hear the opposite up as a means of–well–lying, to himself and to Elliott, without putting actual words to it. A quizzical stare said ‘of course he did’ when the tightening in his throat he swallowed past told the truth. –He didn’t. Did he?–

“Oh..” And there it was. Nothing. Now–it was Blaine’s turn to not be able to keep looking into Elliott’s eyes. His hands–specifically his bare left ring finger that was itching worse with each passing day for it the band he had waiting to be placed on it by his husband was easier to look at than face someone who was his friend and only told him what he already knew. “It’s okay. No reason for you to be sorry.” Then–he bounced back from that slacking posture and sat straight. A sharp inhale through his nose and he was back to bright eyed, curious Blaine in no time flat–faking that he erased all that confirmation and fear and hurt with a press of his lips into a dismissive pout and click of his tongue against his teeth. “You know. It’s Kurt. He’s probably just worried he’ll talk too much about it and somehow jinx it. I’m sure once things slow down for him–you’ll miss not hearing about it nonstop.”

elliott.

When Blaine pulled back his arm Elliott let his own drop onto the table, black painted nails scratching at the tabletop for a moment as he withdrew his hand back to his coffee cup. “Blaine, you and Kurt are a great couple, I get that, but this is just…too fast. You can see that – it’s not givin up on your future. It’s…” E trailed off to find the right words for it. “It’s putting it on hold. Not forever, just for a while.”

“I know we haven’t been able to get married for long,” he gestured between the two of them to emphasise what he meant about same-sex marriage in the US there. “But the point is now we can, that’s not gunna change any time soon, so getting married can wait. It’s like you two movin in together. You rushed it, because it was overwhelming Kurt. Imagine how much more overwhelming marriage is gunna be Blaine.” Besides, Elliott firmly believed that marriage didn’t have to happen. Hell, one in three ended in divorce now-a-days, and it was just a slip of paper and chance to be over the top. It wasn’t proof of love, as far as Elliott was concerned the proof came in the everyday things. “Just, really think about it, yeah?”

“You don’t think I haven’t thought about this,” Blaine shifted uncomfortably in his chair tucking his feet crossed over one another underneath, “It’s all I’ve thought about, Elliott. From the moment I met him I just knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. I almost blew it.” He choked on the delivery, mouth twisting into a half laugh of frustration. “I’m not going to do anything that is going to mess us up ever again. Including rushing into something that we’re not ready for. Because we are.“

He held his breath when he noticed how determined he sounded. No. Determined wasn’t the proper word. Desperate. Desperate for Elliott to understand him but even more desperate to get out of this conversation because it was starting to get to his head. With a drawn out sigh–he deflated and bent one elbow against the opposite arm folded over his stomach so he could lift his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. Eyes squeezed shut and he took in a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Elliott. You’re only trying to get your point across. You’re a really good friend and I know you’re just trying to look out for us.” His hand dropped down to squeeze the inside bend of his elbow–gaze catching Elliott’s once again. “Can I ask you something? Has Kurt said anything to you about the wedding? Anything? I’m–just. Has he?” It was hard to get a question out that you weren’t sure you wanted the answer to. But? No taking it back now.

elliott.

“Seriously?” Elliott laughed – it was nice to think that somebody missed him like that at any rate, even if it was a little odd. Then, they were all a little odd if he was perfectly honest with himself, so he wasn’t judging. “I’m sorry for depriving her of her Elliott then.” He said, hand moving in front of his face to stipple more laughter.

“Okay – I mean stop me if you don’t want my opinion,” Elliott waited a beat, and when there was no objection he ploughed on with what he was saying. “You guys are good – you make a good couple, but you’re too young.” He was fairly blunt with what he was saying – he’d said that about there relationship before, but ultimately decided they worked out well despite being young. But getting married? Elliott just felt it was too soon to work out, especially when they already had issues like needing space away from each other as it was.

Blaine expected him to be honest. Elliott always was. However? He didn’t expect to hear that. Owlish eyes barely blinked and his mouth hung partially open before he could take the advice in a more eloquent manner. What was he supposed to say? Elliott always seemed to be a big supporter of him and Kurt. When Kurt went to Elliott for advice–he’d even stood up for him and tried to help Kurt find a happy medium they could both live with. Even after he showed up at Elliott’s apartment to accuse him of trying to steal Kurt away–Elliott continued to give him patience to the point he did everything he could to calm him down. Yeah, to say Blaine didn’t see this coming was an understatement of a pretty considerable calibur.

“Oh,” he finally quipped in slamming his mouth shut as he averted his gaze to the side and crossed his arms over his chest. “Right. I thought–.” A breath was drug in with a hitch like he’d forgotten to take one while mulling things over. “I didn’t think–. When did your opinion change,” he asked with a smooth calm to cover up the knot in his stomach. “I–. When did we become too young? I thought you supported us. Sorry. I’m just really lost here, Elliott,” his smile came and went quick. Another hint that he wasn’t as okay with Elliott’s disapproval as he was pretending–with his strained words faked softness when they shook underneath–to be.

elliott.

“Oh, I definitely did. Pretty guys have always been my weakness.” He laughed properly, keeping that warm smile when he was finished afterwards. “I’ve missed him too, and you of course – even Rachel a little, and she called me almost every night.” He’d skyped and called them all regularly, but it just wasn’t the same as being here with them in person.

“Sing? Singing solves everything in life.” Elliott suggested rather jokingly, before backtracking with a surprised look on his face. He had encouraged them to stay together, but he wasn’t sure marriage was the way forwards, it just seemed a little fast for them, especially when they were so young.

“I think she mentioned going through,” his chin lifted so he could make air quotes with a few twitches of his fingers, “Elliott Withdrawals so often that it should be a term in a medical dictionary by now.” Both wrists were pressed against the table and he shrugged, fingers fanning out over the surface. “I’m serious. There was even a phase where she sighed and pouted every time your name came up.” Laughing as his head shook–Blaine sat back and stretched his legs out underneath the table. Rachel ‘just missed her Elliot, okay!’ and he’d be hard pressed to say the rest of them didn’t. Because they all did.

Elliott brought a zen with him that they all lacked on various levels. Seeing him again felt good. Like that peaceful calm that he brought returned to their otherwise crazy–at most times–lives. “Singing is a good idea. But I was thinking of, you know, a day trip to Coney Island or–aren’t you from Jersey? What’s–,” he stopped mid-conversation seeing Elliott’s surprised look. A confused pout jutted out his bottom lip and he looked down at his shirt wondering if he had something on it or his face or… “Um–what? You look confused–?”

elliott. @elliott-starchild

“Yeah,” he laughed, sounding much more carefree than he had the last time they’d seen each other in person: he felt so much better and more relaxed, it had really helped to just get out of there for a while. It was like he’d told Kurt before – people just needed more space in the city.

As Blaine made his way over, Elliott shoved all his stuff to the side to make room, using one long leg to push the opposite chair out slightly to encourage him to sit down. “Honestly, the yoga was like a cult. Really fit, bendy guys everywhere. It was wonderful.” He gave another small giggle after saying that. “I got back last night – I was actually going to ask everyone over later to catch up, but since we’re here…” He trailed off with a shrug. “So how are you?”

Blaine took the seat that was offered with a grateful nod happy to see Elliott after all this time. The strap of his satchel slid off his shoulder and he turned enough in the chair to hang it off the back. Facing Elliott–a crease of curiosity appeared on his forehead. “It was–,” he muttered. Ah! There was the enlightenment as to why! Bendy guys. Everywhere! “I take it you had fun then? Or I hope you did?” Elliott’s giggle certainly hinted that was the case. “I’m sure everyone would love to come visit you. Kurt’s been pouting about missing you ever since you left..”

“Me? I’m fine. Great, actually. School’s been keeping me busy but it just got out for the summer. Currently? Except for wedding planning,” which he was doing the bulk of but didn’t mind–Kurt was busy. That’s all. “I’m trying to figure out what exactly we’re going to do for the next couple months that doesn’t involve all things nuptials. Any suggestions,” he asked leaning on both elbows bent against the table so he could prop his chin up with the heels of his palms.

Starter for pianokeysandbowties

glitter rock vampire zen master.

Elliott was exhausted.
He’d got back from his yoga retreat late last night after what had, admittedly, been a rather long trip: he’d only intended to be gone for a week or two, but it just got out of hand and the instructor had been really distracting. But now he was back in New York, and sat writing a email to his mother in the local café.

He had to admit, he’d really missed it here. Sure, he’d left in part to get away from all the drama, but he’d found himself missing everyone even more than he expected. It had been a crying shame really, but he was hoping to catch up with them all in person again soon now that he was back in the city.

He looked up from his laptop and reached for his drink, pausing as he saw who had just walked in. “Hey, Blaine!” He smiled, waving at the other from across the room.

Getting a chance to take a break and not race the clock on getting things done in the day felt good. Now that school was out for break–having an entire day to himself was heaven on Earth.

Blaine idly played with the strap of a reusable grocery bag slung over his shoulder and made his way into the cafe’ for coffee with the highest amount of caffeine and sugar he could find. No medium drip today. He had weeks to work off the calories! After spotting an empty table and bolting towards it before it was gone–Blaine paused midway swearing he heard his name.

Curious, wide eyes followed the sound and searched for the source only to see a face he wasn’t expecting to come across. Elliott? A bright, toothy grin met the rocker’s greeting and Blaine kept his thumb tucked under the strap of his bag but the rest of his fingers fanned out in a wave. “Elliott?! Long time no see,” forgoing the path to his table–he maneuvered between the tables to Elliott’s instead. “Welcome back! How long have you been in the city? How was your retreat? I was starting to think you went for the yoga but ended up joining a cult or something.”