It wasn´t what he was here for and Rachel couldn´t help but
feel guilty.
Blaine was hurting too, even if it was in a different way.
The three of them, and the others too of course, were barely hanging on by a
thread and nobody really knew how to deal with it. Not at this time of the
night, when the nightmares came and she had Finn in her arms, only for him to
be ripped away from her once more and then again when she woke up and reality
slapped her in the face.
Rachel felt the tears stinging in her eyes as she struggled
to breathe, just curling up in Blaine´s arms. It was selfish of her, she was
well aware of that, but she couldn´t make it stop.
“I´m sorry…” She mumbled again, trying to hold in the sobs
that were threatening to escape her throat, but the attempt just had her body
shaking. “I just…I wish…I…” Rachel tried but broke off, because Blaine knew
what she was going to say anyway. She clung to him, burying her face against
his shoulder.
Feeling Rachel curling into him–Blaine’s arms held her tight and his legs tangled up with hers just for the added reassurance that he wasn’t going anywhere. The tip of his nose buried into her hair before he pressed a kiss to her forehead and pulled his head back far enough on the pillow that he could catch her attention to give her a small, encouraging smile.
Then she was in his shoulder and he let her hide away. If for no other reason than to give himself a chance to figure out what to say and do. Whatever she needed? He’d give it.
“No apologies, Rachel Not now. Not ever. Especially not for me being here..” Blaine did his best to reassure her. She had no reason to feel guilty for him wanting to help her. That’s what friends are for. “I love you, Rachel.. I’ve got you.”
One arm shifted along her back–long fingers sank into thick strands of her bed crazy hair. Yeah, he got it. They all wished. “Maybe tomorrow we can go for coffee. The three of us. Take a walk down the block to the nearest shop. It’d be good to get out..,” he whispered soothingly trying to give her something to focus on.
Olive fingers laced through ivory and he held onto Kurt sleeping next to him like the two of them might spiral out into space if he let go. Blaine never fell asleep before his fiance’. Not once since this trip back to New York did he allow himself even a wink until Kurt’s breathing was steady, the tears stopped and quiet settled into the loft.
God this quiet. It was stomach churning to lay there awake in. No matter how many times he told himself it didn’t get to him to be the last one awake? He never truly convinced himself.
They were all in pieces. Kurt’s and Rachel’s were just more important to fix but in the middle of the night? His own hurt came in and his head spun with how he was going to glue the three of them back together. Until there was nothing but dark and he was asleep, no real answers coming to mind other than: I’ll just be here..
Rachel. He heard her in the light sleep he’d drifted off to. Kurt was still sleeping and he was now an expert of getting out of bed without stirring him. Blaine was inside ‘her room’ in seconds.
“I’ve got you. I’ve got you. Shh, don’t worry about that. It’s what I’m here for..,” the bed gave a rattle as he climbed into lay beside her, gently tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before she was pulled into his arms.
The thing about mornings are they’re always a new beginning. When you wake up–there’s a few seconds where all you feel is the warmth of the blankets and the comfort that you’ve sunk into during sleep. No matter what happens before drifting off (in Blaine’s case for less than three hours) there’s a blissful sense of–peace. Until your life tunes back in with the sunlight leaking through the curtains stirring you away from the solitude from your thoughts. Blaine’s first instinct was to reach behind him and feel for the hip that was supposed to be against his. There was nothing but a cold outside of a space on the bed long abandoned.
His world sped up. Reality came crashing down with flashbacks from last night causing his throat to feel like it was torn to shreds and had a rock jammed inside to suffocate him. His heart shattered and there came the vile taste of guilt in the back of his mouth. One he should be used to by now but was even more potent than every morning since it happened. ‘I was with someone..’ The apartment was empty. He could feel that from here. Hollowness that crept inside his bones. What more could he expect? Swallowing painfully–he pushed himself up on one elbow, purposefully avoiding looking behind him and grabbed his phone instead. 9:39 am was when the first string of apologies began to pour out before his feet even touched the floor.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) I know I don’t deserve it. I know you hate me. ( mssg » kurt | sent ) I’m sorry. Please come back. I don’t want to leave like this. Please?
pianokeysandbowties back up 