Blaine couldn’t believe how this happened. That an accident right as he left the shop would end with him rushing forward to help (of course he did, that’s how he worked) and seeing it was Sebastian in the back of the cab. Did FATE seriously have to go to that extreme? Okay– of not fate. Maybe luck or–in Sebastian’s case–unluck? Who knew? What mattered was that he was here and not leaving. Not until Sebastian was released from the hospital and he got to be the one to take him home.
He was determined to stay put. Sitting in the chair watching Sebastian with a look of worry that no feigned reassurance could completely wipe off. Crinkled brows could flatten or perk up. Only to jam back together at the slightest wince or movement. Hands were flattened out, fingers laced tight and pressed against his belly. Would soon start to wring together no matter how hard he focused on them not to.
Singing was easy enough. A simple way to comfort Sebastian and–in turn–ease his own nerves. His chair inched forward as the first few notes were hummed out, actual words following when Sebastian told him to go home. His heart squeezed hard but he shook his head, close enough as Sebastian drifted off Blaine’s fingertips rested on top of the other’s hand. Temple pressed to the edge of a hospital bed, he continued with random songs until just before dawn, golden hazel eyes began to grow heavy. The hum returned briefly before the quiet sound of his breathing was all that was left.
“Shhh. Killer. It’s okay.” Sebastian had no fucking idea what to do, other than to keep holding him. What could he do? What could he answer to that? “You were lonely, Blaine.” He offered, awkwardly, as he kept running his hand up and down his back. “I know you didn’t mean it.” Or at least he had to believe that. Not only because it was what made Blaine, BLAINE, and what had so much attracted him at first, but because if he let himself think about Blaine actually planning to cheat on Kurt with someone else, well, he better not. He tried to focus on knowing how it felt to fuck up, instead, and how he could help Blaine feel better about it. “At least you told him, that’s something, right?” He asked, unsure of what was really best as he’d never been on that end of a relationship. Or in a relationship, honestly. He held him tighter. This was actually the first time he was ever allowed to hold Blaine like that, and he was slowly starting to realize it. They’d hugged, before the proposal fiasco, but it’d been quick and Blaine hadn’t been abandoned on his arms like that.
Sebastian could feel how Blaine was almost shaking against him and it broke the heart most people didn’t think he had. Why was it that after all this time, to see Blaine hurt him like that, hurt him this much? It shouldn’t make as much sense as it did. He kept holding Blaine until he started to come down from his panic, and relax even if slowly, in his arms. Sebastian hadn’t noticed how thinner he looked until Blaine pulled back and he got to actually look him on the face properly. He shook his head. “It’s fine killer. Just wait here for a minute, I’m gonna get you some water, alright? Bathroom’s to the right if you want it.” He pointed out, nodding towards the bathroom door, before gently detaching from Blaine, and getting up. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned back around to him. “Don’t go anywhere.” He asked, again, before making his way upstairs, quickly. He hoped Blaine would listen to him, but he put it off his mind for a moment, as he made it to his bedroom. The guy he’d been sleeping with was still knocked out on his bed and Sebastian patted his ankle as he started to gather up his things. “Wake up, sexy. I need you out.” He patted him again as the boy started to grumble and threw the boy’s phone and wallet besides him. “I’ve got a friend over, time to go.” He said, as the other finally looked up at him, frowning. He shrugged. “Can always find me by the bar again.” He told him, before leaving, the door open as he passed through it so he could make his way downstairs again, to the kitchen this time, to get Blaine some water.
“Let me know if you want something stronger.” He said, as he walked back into the living room, a glass of cold water in hand, hoping to find Blaine in the couch.
“Nothing’s okay,” he slowly shook his head and balled up one fist to try some useless attempt at drying his face. “Nothing’s fine and nothing’s okay. I’m not sure if anything will ever be OKAY again.” A shift of positions and Sebastian stood up from the couch–watery hazel eyes blinked clear after a few tries. Blaine watched as Sebastian disappeared out of the room. A quiet groan parted his lips as both elbows were pressed against his upper thighs. Palms cupped the top of his head and he stared between his bended knees at the floor wondering why the hell he thought it was okay to do this to Sebastian. Of all people. Sebastian was his friend, yes. But he knew their history–one that never was, yet was so so close to being something much different–and knew that coming here to break down over making the biggest mistake of his life with someone else was probably akin to a slap in the face. He might be thick about a lot of things that pass him by. Blaine knows that about himself. Not even he could miss where this might be unfair for him to rely on Sebastian to get him through this. Not might be. It was. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to get up and leave. Even if the thought quickly crossed his mind while he sat there waiting.
Hearing the other drawing close again–Blaine straightened up. If that’s what you could call it. More like folded into himself while pretending he was sitting fully upright. Limbs moved–wrapped around his middle–and he reached for the water with a look of gratitude. “Thank you.” The other hand wrapped gently–so careful that it seemed Blaine thought Sebastian was made from hollow bones that were far too delicate and could break at the slightest touch. He didn’t want him leaving again. Not with the thoughts in his head being plugged up by the other’s presence. He didn’t want them flooding back in. “Please sit down,” he begged up at him–red faced and eyebrows lifted like he could beckon him in with the expression alone. “Sit down and don’t go. Water’s fine. I’m not sure if anything harder’s a good idea. Not LIKE THIS.” What was he supposed to say from here? I know I messed up. I ruined everything. I’ll never be the same again. Neither will he. And it’s all my fault. The words were on the tip of his tongue but he bit them back and swallowed the aftertaste with more water. “It’s all..over. I think. I’m not sure. But. I think so..” And there came the caving in of his chest again. A buckling of his belly and he sat the glass on the table near the couch before palming at his face to hide the crease forming between his brows. Couple of tattered deep breaths later–his fingers dropped with his gaze into his lap.
“I’m sorry… I don’t know why I thought laying this on you was a good idea,” he apologizes because that’s how he’s wired. “You’re just–the only one who I wanted to go to.”
( mssg » rachel | sent ) YTes! Taht’s what that waas! ( mssg » rachel | sent ) I amnerovus and it soudned liek a good idea. ( mssg » rachel | sent ) Now I regert every choice I’ve made since 4pm.
“Oh–” Isaac let out a quiet laugh and ran his fingers through his hair. “I mean, I’m always free– Yes, I’d love to.” He concluded with a single nod. “And yes, breathing always works wonders.”
Blaine was trying to figure out how to salvage his dignity if this ended with a polite ‘thanks but no thank’s almost missing Isaac just said the opposite. A look of surprise crossed Blaine’s face before he let go of the breath he held. “I–Great! Great! Um? I could pick you up around six? We could stop for coffee in case it gets cold? My treat?”
“You’re talking way too fast; I have no idea what you’re trying to tell me.”
“Yeah–oh. Let me try again? I know it might be silly and totally out of left field but the school is hosting one of those Fall hayrides after the game on Saturday. I was curious. If you’re free? Would you want to go–? Sorry I said that in two seconds the first time. Remembering to breathe works wonders–I guess?”
sam: it’s okay man lol. i get it. sam: and idk i guess i’ve just been like sam: thinking about it a lot lately?? sam: thinking about guys i mean sam: in the gay sorta way
blaine: You have been? Oh.. Wow. Well. blaine: I’m sure a lot of people have thoughts like that.
blaine: I mean.. Have you thought about it in the way that you might want to see what it’s like? blaine: I promise I’m not asking because I’m trying to talk you into it or anything!
he’s stood just outside the corner store that’s a block away from his apartment, toothpaste in hand, cell phone in the other. his body is paralyzed beneath a lightpost, its flickering bulb reflecting the static that’s in his head. he can feel the tips of his fingers begin to tingle, his grip on the toothpaste tightening into a chokehold as he tries searching for fresh air amid the smoke and smog of the city. but the more he breathes, the more it feels like he’s losing circulation, his arms drawing closer to his chest. hands shaking. fingers locking. it’s not until his phone vibrates against his palm that he’s pulled back into reality, the familiar smile captured in a picture on his caller id instantly bringing a sense of calm somewhere inside his brain.
❛blaine …❜ he chokes out, mouth dry from hyperventilating. ❛ blaine, are you there?❜
Minutes felt like an eternity as Blaine RAN down the sidewalk shouldering through people when he couldn’t get a clear path. Muttered apologies for cutting them died out when he stopped caring and could only concentrate on finding Kurt. His heart was racing, adrenaline pumping through his body. Fingers clutched his phone in a white knuckled grip as he dialed him again. Hearing his voice on the other end, temporary relief washed cold across his limbs until he bounced off someone in his way. Stopping abruptly as they glared at him, Blaine raised a hand to pardon himself and quickly replied trying to sound calm when he was anything but.
“I’m here. Looking for you. Just tell me where you are and I’ll be there.” He hated this. Not being right beside him right now. Rocking from side to side Blaine rolled up onto his tip toes, hazel eyes welled with tears of worry and frustration picked apart each face not seeing the one he wanted to see.
pianokeysandbowties back up 