❝Tsk. Faults.” he repeated, amused and bored at the same time. “It is not your FAULTS that annoy me, jiminy. It’s your general, appraised, and drooled over, lack-there-of.” He rose an eyebrow. “It’s tragic, really, that you don’t think anyone living in this boretown of a borestate would require diversions.” He shrugs, brushing off the big deal Blaine puts over it. It was an innocent enough commentary. He still didn’t get how entangled in his own thoughts the other got that he didn’t realize the second meanings behind each of his own digs, and how at the end of the day, Sebastian was never half as mean as he could be if he actually wanted to. Sure. Blaine annoyed him, because Blaine was seen as the perfect boy by all the adults who hated him —- because his father would likely agree — but what annoyed him the most, was the fact he KNEW that wasn’t all he was, that there were other sides to the boy that he kept HIDDEN just to please those above him, and that it WORKED, and even then, he didn’t take advantage of it. It was like watching someone spin on their heels, and not realize they were moving forward, still fretting like they were stuck, whereas people like Sebastian, actually were. That was the infuriating part. Blaine had everything, but still denied himself to have it, believing he didn’t, and stepping on the side of himself that wanted it.
Sebastian gave him a look, interested at his reply. I’d never. “Don’t now about that, Anderson, I’ve seen many a prim boy like you snap. It’s not pretty.” Felt it too. “But I’ll keep that in mind.” He didn’t particularly ENJOY being beaten up, it wasn’t like that was why he did it – push people – he just liked to see people without their masks, which was something not many appreciated from him. He did know about the provost’s deal, which was the only reason he had accepted it in the first place, Lacrosse was one of the few things that gave him any joy lately. Despite everything, he wanted this stupid idea to work, if he couldn’t really make it on his own.
“I don’t, huh?” He says, amused by the boy’s reply. “Surprise me, then, Anderson. Now that would be entertainment.” He smirks. “Maybe if you can actually SHOCK me, I’ll even quit trying to get to the bottom of you.” He kissed his fingers in an affected show of a promise. He chuckles at the question then shrugs. “Why would that be a RISK? At worst they’ll think then that I finally got into your pants. You might be a nerd, but there’s still a hot ass underneath all that dorkiness, I wouldn’t be bothered by them thinking that.” It was better than then thinking he needed tutoring anyway. He smirked, as the other finally looked up at him, enjoying the challenging front, and the way Blaine was finally coming out of his defense and evade position, to actually engage. This was a lot more FUN.
“On you go, your highness.” He taunted him, as he opened the door to his bedroom but hung over it, so Blaine would have to scoot past him, a smirk on his lips as he watched him. After Blaine was in, he stepped in, himself, and closed the door, sighing as he dropped his backpack and took off his blazer, rolling his shoulders. “Alright. What horrors you have programmed for me, jiminy?” He asks, as he stretched like a cat, after taking off his tie, and then sits on the floor, his white shirt untucked and top buttons undone. He put back against the end of his bed, and one leg bent up and the other stretched out as he opened up his back pack and started going through it, gathering notebooks, books, and pencils and rubbers.
Stopping in his track at Sebastian saying he had a lack of faults, Blaine stood staring at his back trying to figure out if that was why Sebastian hated him so much. That he saw him as faultless when that was nothing near the truth. Striding quickly to catch up—he shook his head and palmed over his mouth piecing together what he had to say before he opened up another can of worms when there were so many strewn across an already littered ground that was crumbling beneath them anyway. Faults? “I-I have faults. I’m not some faultless and pristine person that you have to hate because you’ve put me in this imaginary role in your head. Why would you see me like that?” Here he was thinking Sebastian saw past so much and realized him for the truth everyone else never wanted to see. What he wouldn’t let them see. Fautless? Hardly. Sometimes he wondered why he’d let himself become so hidden that even someone like Sebastian couldn’t see through it all.
Because in spite of his denial of all the parts of himself he kept under lock and key? There were so many times where Blaine knew that part of himself wanted someone like Sebastian to call him out. Make him stutter and stumble and crack. Then… Want to know those parts more than what he let shine from the surface. Because that would be something so different. But the longer they walked together, the more he began to realize that wasn’t going to happen. Disappointment followed the realization. Sebastian’s voice had faded into a murmur of background noise to his own thoughts. When he tuned in again? He barely realized he was carrying on a conversation and Sebastian was replying to something he quipped back.
“No. You don’t. You’ve made it abundantly clear that you’re pretty clueless. Especially about me,” dark brows rose up and his chin tucked towards his collar in mocking disbelief. “Surprise you? Why would I want to bother trying? You couldn’t make the effort any less appealing. No thanks. Besides? Whatever would I do without your struggling and failing attempts at figuring me out? I mean. You’re doing such a great job so far,” his sarcasm was dripping. He flushed red up his throat, along his jawline and forced himself to swallow through the momentary lapse of his self control to not let Sebastian dig underneath his fingernails so badly that he’d bring his temper to the surface. “You wish. Like I’d ever–.” Grinding teeth to keep his mouth closed, Blaine stepped past Sebastian being careful as to avoid touching him and entered the room with only a roll of his eyes at the continued taunt about what Sebastian would love others to think. “Whatever..” Anyone who knew him would know he wouldn’t be with Sebastian for that. Not with how the other boy treated him, especially.
Hooking his thumb underneath the strap of his satchel, he swung it to hang in front of his waist and opened the flap not bothering to take a seat but looking for a surface to work on pointedly ignoring Sebastian making himself at home. A glare at his clasp was his retort to Jiminy being used yet again. The desk was closest. Anything to speed this torture up. He dug out a binder with Dalton’s logo on the front and his pen. Both were sat down with a thud next to his bag and he took a moment to rub the crick in his neck out. Tension was a hellish thing to deal with. “What are you struggling with most? We can start there. You tell me.”
❝What…??” He rose an eyebrow at the boy’s pause, though he could tell what he was thinking, and he showed it next. “I’d stop thinking you’re a good diversion?” He bit on his tongue. He wondered if in midst of it all, Blaine had ever really stopped to THINK about the WAYS in which Sebastian would always insult him. Was it really that bad when they were all about the hyper, sunshine, persona Blaine put forward, and when Sebastian actually enjoyed his truer, more ambitious, and less nicey-nice self? Maybe he just wanted to see what would happen if the boy stopped pretending, if he stopped LETTING people trample all over him, and took what he wanted with the weapons he already had, and the will he knew was in there somewhere, underneath the glasses and all the hair gel.
“Because your stupide American school thinks I’m an imbecile for not knowing all the details to American history? Because it’s too hard for them to comprehend that I might be able to answer complex physics and socioeconomic’s questions a whole damn better if they allowed me to study in French?” He shrugs. “Because they think I need nerd training, when all I really needed was extra time and a few additional French text books.” He notices Blaine’s fists mid-through his rambling and stops. “Are you going to hit me, Jiminy? Kindly avoid the nose, I’d rather not get a third surgery on it.” He wasn’t stupid, no matter what the dean thought, and he knew Blaine practiced boxing, and he’d never taken self defense classes in his life. He wasn’t afraid either, he’d been beaten too many times to care anymore, but he waited, to see what the other would do. And then… nothing.
He seemed to crumble, looking down, and then he was agreeing with Sebastian’s proposition, or order, for lack of a better word. He shot him a surprised glance, specially at the words that came next. “Join the club, charming.” He pointed out, saying Blaine wasn’t the only one that wanted out of this bizarre situation sooner, rather than later. Sebastian wasn’t used to needing ANY kind of tutoring and this was really exasperating to say the least.
As they started walking, he focused his attention ahead, one hand easily caught on the strap of his backpack, and the other swaying besides him with his step, finger contracting and relaxing like a rhythm, the colorful lights dancing on and out of his face. When Blaine finally spoke again he didn’t look, but his step got tenser for a moment, before he forced out a chuckle and spoke again. “I think that’s what you’d like to think you are. I think you waste whole lot of freaking time trying to get there.” He glances at him, the frown, the unsettled expression, the shifting, but also the grit and want to prove Sebastian wrong that attract him so much more than the good two shoes routine. “Still get nightmares about your I, Robot, performance, last parents-teachers conference night.” He paused to take a good look at him. “I rather like you like this.” He smirked, leading him upstairs as they reached the dorms. “We’re doing it at my place.” He didn’t want anyone seeing him getting tutored and getting ideas from it.
Frustrated. He was confused and frustrated and it was only getting worse.
Diversion? The confusion that made Blaine’s head spin before he opened his mouth only doubled in the ways it played out on his face. Brows creased together tight and he opened his lips to say something a good couple of times before words actually happened. When they did? A faint hint of crimson spread over the bridge of his nose and warmed his cheeks. “No. Not a.. Why would you say I was a diversion? A diversion to what exactly? You being bored? Focusing on yourself instead of on me and all the faults I have that you love to point out?” Did Sebastian make himself feel better with every little dig about his personality, thoughts, feelings that he took? He must. Because they weren’t stopping. Blaine might pride himself on his ability to keep a mostly level head in any given circumstance when it came to people like Sebastian Smythe but even he had his limits. Sebastian seemed quite intent on pushing him over them. Happy to do so even.
This entire conversation was borderlining on ridiculous at this point. Maybe they should cut their losses. Come up with a plan that they could both say they did what the Dean made him promise and be done with each other. Sebastian wouldn’t get kicked off the lacrosse team, which Blaine isn’t sure Sebastian knows will happen if his grades don’t improve. And he could focus on The Warblers so they could win Sectionals. Win/Win. If you asked him. He had no idea how tight his hands were getting. Or how the color that’d bled from his knuckles had now left them beyond pale as the crescent shapes of his nails started to dig into the flesh of his palm. He was, also, clueless that his eyes were darker and his back teeth were grinding together. Until Sebastian pointed it out by asking him… “Hit you,” a strained whisper before his upper lip curled in disbelief. Dark lashes fluttered as he rapidly blinked and the shadows in his stare lifted. “No. I’d never.. I’m not like that.” It was just.. Sebastian always managed to find buttons Blaine didn’t even know he had. Then proceed to push (no slam) every. single. one.
Eye contact broken, a visibly increasingly shaken Blaine kept at Sebastian’s side not once looking up from the marble passing by underneath his feet. Barely listening to the answer to his question as his head swam with the idea that his arm ached from holding himself back the way he must have. How he knew as soon as he left Sebastian’s company, he’d be in the gym until he couldn’t lift his arms anymore. Let alone swing. How’d he let Sebastian take him to that place? Drag him down that far? He shook his head and lifted one hand to hold the strap of his satchel right at the shoulder. “I think you waste a lot of your time thinking you know me well enough to even guess you know what I’d like to think of myself as. You don’t know anything about me that matters enough to have even a clue. Stop thinking you do.”
“Like that. Stop thinking you have a clue as to why I might have been on the only autopilot I know that night that’ll make things..,” he cut himself off and abruptly changed the subject. Blaine figured they were going to his room. Why would Sebastian suggest otherwise? Wouldn’t it be too big of a risk that someone might drop by and might see him there? You know? “Your room? Why your room? Aren’t you worried someone might see me following you there? I wouldn’t want you to risk that.” You could practically taste the sarcasm dripping from his lips. Finally looking up at him, the Warbler rolled his eyes and dismissed having the energy to argue with an upward twitch of the fingers near his shoulder. “Whatever. Let’s go,” he rolled his eyes and waited for Sebastian to take the lead.
“I didn’t think this would ever happen. I know that you… They’re expecting us..” Their mouths were so close and Blaine wasn’t sure when he leaned in this near but he had. He could blame the dark. Because there was no way he could judge the distance when he lifted his chin up to draw close enough that no one could hear them talk unless they had their ear pressed to the door. However, when he came to a stop? Blaine knew he was off his mark and their mouths were close enough that he could feel the dampness of Sebastian’s exhales on the wet of his own lips every time each warm puff danced across them. Pulling back would only prove Sebastian’s wrong opinions of him. That he was weak. Timid. Too afraid to be himself and only who and what everyone else expected him to be. Stepford-like. Remember?
So? He stayed put. Ignored how tight his stomach was getting. Ignored how gravity felt like it was pulling him in closer..closer..closer. “We…,” he wasn’t sure if he imagined the barest graze of his lips ghosting over the taller boy’s or if it happened. It was feather-light and barely there. Too much of an impossibility for Blaine to compute he might’ve let it happen until he caught himself with a hitch of breath and sharply tucked his chin down and…abruptly stopped. Against…something warm and velvet and thrumming with a pulse that wasn’t his..couldn’t be his. Because it was Sebastian’s.
The taste of Sebastian’s neck was much different than he thought it would be expected. Expected meaning the time it took them to finish their initial knee-jerk reaction to fate the dare ending up with their names (of all the names, why Sebastian’s?) being the ones David couldn’t hide the amusement dancing in his eyes as he announced them to the room. Not that he EVER thought about what it might taste like any other time. Because he didn’t. Wouldn’t. No way. What sort of idiot thinks those sorts of thoughts about someone who hates him as much as Sebastian does? (Blaine..Blaine’s that kind of idiot..but denial is a powerful coping mechanism). All the eyes in the room (most familiar and some not..) were glued to Blaine who was beet red so far down his collar that it disappeared underneath the crisp press of his shirt. Or to Sebastian. Who Blaine was sure was blaming him for their situation. Not that he had ANYTHING to do with it. But Sebastian probably wouldn’t see it that way. The door closed with a horror movie squeak slowness polished off by a deafening slide of a metal latch into it’s loop. Did he lock it? Or did Sebastian? Regardless, they were alone.. This was going to be the longest seven minutes of his life..
And that is how they ended up like…this. Blaine’s hand unsteadily rising up to blindly ball a fistful of Sebastian’s blazer right near his shoulder into his palm. His mouth opened..more skin..right there..to..graze the tip of his tongue over before pulling away far enough to whisper. “There… Now..now we don’t have to lie..or…,” his gaze flicked to the dim shimmer his mouth left on pale skin, “…Probably doesn’t count but.. Whatever. Sorry.”
❝why didn’t you?’ sebastian spoke nearly over blaine’s words, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. why HADN’T the boy refused? sebastian hadn’t exactly done anything to make him want to help him. ‘i never asked for your sanctified help.’ the teachers had been the one to INSIST he needed tutoring, actually it’d been the dean himself whom had talked to him, saying he’d hate to have to cut his star athlete from his star team, and that he’d take measures to avoid it. those measures sebastian had learned only the next day, came in the form of a helping nerd.
‘of course you do. i’m surprised, anderson, honestly. feels good getting the upper-hand for once, doesn’t it? and here i thought your heart was as pure as an episode of care bears. i’m déçue.’ he ticked his tongue, pointedly. honestly, he knew blaine didn’t meant it like that, but he also thought there was part of him that DID enjoy it like that, and what he didn’t say was he found nothing wrong with it. it amused him that the other would probably deny him, because HE did. he wondered if that was part of what annoyed him so much on the prim boy: his unwillingness to accept even his most basic killer instincts. the nice facade got boring. and, truthfully, sebastian enjoyed the sight of that other side of him a great deal more.
the small grimace on blaine got him to smirk. he loved messing with him, so much, partially because it was so visible how his small comments made the other feel. it was a sadistic inclination, but it also stung him, as his own mouth confirmed every little thing his brain had ever thought about himself. it was different when he was tearing down someone who actually DESERVED it, of course. he had no qualms about that. but if he was willing to be honest, blaine had never actually done anything to him, nothing other than…
‘you’re perfect.’ he burst out, unplanned, but kept his poker face on, with a twist of lips, so the other wouldn’t know he’d just slipped. he might had said something else, and mocked him again, but since he’d started, he shrugged and went on with it. ‘don’t you ever exhaust yourself being the perfect, golden, boy? i’m the only one in this entire campus who doesn’t fawn and trips over every time you speak. it’s exasperating, not to mention boring. whenever you talk to me, it’s the only time you look even human. people might enjoy the good guy, bust their own egos, thing. but i like you just like this.’ he smirked. he was so much better to look at when he had his feathers ruffled. ‘and i do try to upgrade my surroundings whenever i can. it’s a burden i’ve got to carry.’ he said it all with nonchalance, and barely even looking at blaine, as though the subject itself bored him already. ‘so, moral compass, if you can stop trying to reach your long life ambition to become a talking cricket around me, you can follow me back to the dorms, and we can get this done, and i won’t bother your stepford life again. if not… then i’m on my way. alone. and feel free to talk to dean weatherby about it.’
“Because I thought that maybe you might’ve needed my help and even if you enjoy tearing me down as much as you obviously do? If I could help you..,” maybe you’d stop. Maybe you’d see that this is cruel. But he couldn’t say the words. They were right there, on the tip of his tongue, but fell silent and dissipated into nothing but his teeth snagging his bottom lip as he waited for some stroke of nerve to build back up inside. Then again? What good would it do? Sebastian already made a very valid point. If he didn’t go through with what he, idiotically, said he would? The Warblers might suffer for his blunder of attempting to make the person that hated him most hate him a little less.
Why was Sebastian’s opinion so important? Blaine would love to chalk it up to the notion that since he was a kid, pleasing people became his way of feeling wanted. He’d love to dismiss it as a means of making his years here as great as they were before he ever encountered Sebastian Smythe in the first place. He’d love to rationalize every time he felt like he was being drug through the mud and ended up hitting about a dozen rocks along the way with each taunt and outright loathing he saw in Sebastian’s eyes when he met them away. Give himself the excuse that Sebastian was so miserable that making him feel just as awful was the boy’s way of dealing with something BIGGER.
But, truthfully, it hurt anyway. Took him back to the weeks before he left his old school and how walking those halls made his throat tight and his chest in a vice grip. It was a humiliation that ran deep, turned the ache to anger. A bright, burning anger that curled his fingers into white-knuckled fists just like they were twisting into without him realizing it until his nails bit into his palms. The smirk he saw only made it worse. Sebastian was enjoying seeing him get mad. Of course he would. “How do you think any of this is me having the upperhand? Tell me why—.”
‘You’re perfect..’ Blaine’s heart felt like it stopped beating. Why did Sebastian say that? Why did he feel those words so deep? Why did it affect him the way it did? Sebastian didn’t mean that. Perfect? No way. Sebastian hated him, could never see him like that. Why’d he use that word? When all that Blaine’s ever wanted to be was exactly that.. Flaws and all. Because he knew he has so many he tries to desperately hide out of fear of being ALONE that sometimes he’s stupid enough to forget they are there and his life is perfect. Until someone reminds him otherwise. Blaine’s eyes went from fiery to soft and his mouth dropped open with another question that would never see the light of day before it was snuffed out with what came next. And his dignity suddenly felt like it was torn to shreds so fast it left him dizzy and confused why it mattered so much in the first place.
Thankful that Sebastian took his gaze elsewhere, Blaine’s face crumbled and his shoes became the only thing he could let himself see. Palming away the look, he filled the empty air with an exasperated sigh. “Yeah.. Let’s go. I need,” the word came as a quiet slip and one that he snapped back with a correction of so fast that two words nearly became one, “want to get this over with as soon as possible.” Then caught up to walk beside him, keeping his attention on the stained glass windows they walked past instead wishing he was anywhere else but here. Half-thinking out loud, half not bothering to cover up the question he couldn’t shake. “So.. That’s what you think of me? That I’m fake? Stepford personality-ish? That’s what you see me as?”
sebastian was already mid-through turning around, jostling his backpack further up his shoulder, when he heard the boy’s answer. he shot him a glance. damn it why did the little nerd had to be so cute?
❝bad cop, today, huh? you think you’re that much of a badass? what is that supposed to do, reel me in?’ he doubted somehow that blaine would just walk out of something that had been assigned to him and had the school counting on.
as for himself, he hadn’t even wanted the help in the first place. hadn’t wanted to admit to anyone how bad things were actually getting, specially not a boy he had had his fun with since he got there, and admittedly used as a bit of a steam relief for months now, as they were growing into their winter break. ‘as far as i’m concerned, you’re the one with a problem if my grades don’t get back to their usual status. or are you telling me dean weatherby is going to be delighted to grant resources for your little glee club once the lacrosse team goes down?’
he couldn’t help but to point it out. even if he HAD been the one to refuse the tutoring in the first place. it was the truth and they both knew it. grand as he heard the warblers had been, the club had been in trouble recently and there had been parental complaints about the lack of trophies won, considering the club a waste of time for their sons academic curriculum.
he crossed his arms as he stared at the other boy. he had no such problems. he knew his father hadn’t expected much of him since the day he’d been born. and the way he’d turned out hadn’t done much to raise anyone’s hopes. he could do whatever he wanted. the fact he still held a candle to the thought of ending up in harvard and proving his father wrong, was another matter entirely. ‘have a good day.’ he said, as he turned around. he didn’t know if the other would insist or not, but he was too tired to care. he had to try and catch up on his own now and he wasn’t sure how he could put in even more effort than he’d been already doing lately.
Blaine’s fingers tightened to a white knuckled grip on the strap of his bag when Sebastian turned and tossed his snide ‘bad cop’ comment at him. He hated being made to feel this way. Common sense practically screamed in his face to turn the assignment down the second it was given to him. Backing away slowly from the teacher and going home before any damage was done should’ve been exactly what he did. But, like an idiot, he didn’t and now look at where he was. Listening to Sebastian’s insults with a growing anger and something else that was causing a boulder sized rock to form in his throat. One that tasted extremely bitter to swallow down.
He straightened his back, refusing to slouch or let Sebastian see how much he was digging into him with what he was saying and how he was acting. Even if his heart was slamming against the walls of his chest at breakneck speed, he stood steady and forced his grip to loosen on his satchel. The insult to the Warblers, true as it was, nearly broke his resolve not to show any sort of hint as to how this rapidly unravelling situation (that he just wanted out of immediately) was affecting him.
Blaine kept his mouth shut rather than argue back. Why? Because that is what Sebastian wanted him to do. With the dig at the one thing he loved most being the icing on the cake that it just was. The momentary lapse of composure came in a quirk tugging the left corner of Blaine’s mouth into a small grimace he didn’t react fast enough to restrain.
Still…nothing. Until.. “I could have said no to this, you know? I could have. But I didn’t.”
“I’m only here to help because they asked me. It’s not my fault you got paired with me. I didn’t ask for it. I do this for the extra credit and because I like doing it..” He should have left it there. Actually, he planned on doing it since he was already standing and walking in the opposite direction would’ve been easy enough. However.. Something in him that he wanted to keep just as quiet came out in the smallest whisper. The question that was on the tip of his tongue every time he had the common view of Sebastian walking off after an insult or a jab. The tall, lanky boy would leave him standing there wondering just one thing. Regardless if he was feeling sassy or snarky enough to push back that day.
Blaine’s stomach twisted into a knot that was about six loops big when he received the name of the boy he was supposed to tutor after class. He stood in the doorway of the classroom staring at it for a good full minute before the teacher spoke up and jarred him out of his thoughts so he could answer. His instinct was to seriously debate whether or not he should keep his volunteer tutor status or tell her he would rather cut his losses and quit right then and there. Why? Because of the name he read on repeat.
Sebastian Smythe. Hello knot number seven.
There was no surprise that he arrived at the cafe before Sebastian. Nor was the fact that he had time to order his coffee, get his order, and pick a table either. Probably a good thing too. Might give him enough silence to truly figure out why he told the teacher he would instead of going through with just going to his room, closing the door and forgetting he was trying to do a good thing for someone. Why put himself through that? All Sebastian’s done since the two of them encountered one another was try to make his life miserable.
What started out as jabs Blaine ignored were becoming ones he couldn’t. Sebastian didn’t go so far as to break the anti-bullying rules. At least not far enough that Blaine wanted to go to someone about it. Having the same issue at Dalton he had at Central was only going to give his father’s argument about what he was going to have to get used to living the life he did more validity. But it was very crystal clear that Sebastian didn’t like him. Not. One. Bit. And it bothered him.
Blaine sat through the taller boy’s approach. Watched his realization and subsequent distaste of figuring out that Blaine wasn’t here just to sit close by. And then listened to the complaint. When he was dismissed–a brow went up and Blaine took a sip of his coffee to stop himself from letting his knee jerk reaction coming out of his mouth. Instead–when knot eight or nine was added into the mix? Blaine clamped his mouth shut, looked away and made himself swallow then breathe deep. “Good luck passing then. You’re going to need it.” Without saying another word–Blaine closed his book and stood up wishing he’d had gone with his first train of thought to begin with.
pianokeysandbowties back up 