barry.

He’s not blind to it, not anymore, Barry had remained oblivious both on accident and by choice. And he was at fault for the state they were in now, that much he will admit. The speedster had kept a distance from Blaine, while they found each other– he never stopped running. Being with him at first was amazing, but as Barry’s life became more dangerous. Distance. His soulmate was kept at a distance. It was putting a strain on the both of them emotionally, and it needed to stop. It had to. Barry… Barry always wanted to find the one he was meant to be with, always thought it was Iris till she met Eddie. Platonically, the two matched, but romantically. Someone else for the both of them. Then he met Blaine, and the world was so much brighter. Smile gone, and his heart aches. Because he soulmate thinks he’s a problem, he was never a problem, it was Barry. This was his fault.

“Blaine,” brows furrowed, lips pursed and squeezes his hand tightly. “Blaine, you are not a problem– never. This is my fault, I’m the problem here I should have never.” Takes a small breath, resting his forehead against the others and nudged their noses together. “I’m….I’m SCARED of losing you, of you getting hurt that I’ve been pushing you away,” shuts his eyes tightly. Look what he’s done, he caused him pain and worry that Blaine didn’t deserve at all. Due to his lack of expressing his emotions, the fear of losing a loved one, abandonment, and failure. “I’m sorry… Blaine, I’m really sorry…” He had to fix this. Had to.

Blaine wanted to believe the promise.  It was a hope that came from deep down inside that he’d been hanging onto throughout the ups and downs and tilted sideways he’s been through while waiting for the other to give them and fate a chance.  Even though how everything turned out once he’d found the person he was meant to be with wasn’t anywhere close to how he planned it to be?  Barry made him feel things that he couldn’t ignore.  Made every day without him that went by feel like something was missing.  Like it was never complete and he was shutting out the world and going to sleep with something left undone.  Or that he was missing a home he never quite set foot in yet but knew was out there, somewhere, waiting for him.

Foolishness wasn’t something he considered himself completely exempt from having in abundance from time to time.  He’s made mistakes in the past due to that very thing.  Years have gone by and he’s tried to learn.  To guard himself more.  Because he knew he had to.  There was always the threat of feeling too much and having nothing come back.  Because when that happened?  He had only himself to blame, right?  Caution.  Hopeful caution.  That’s what he felt now.  Warily studying the man in front of him before going perfectly still at the apology, Blaine was at a loss for words as his eyes softened and his face fell. “No..”  Words, Blaine.  USE THEM!  “Don’t be sorry.  Your feelings matter.  Your reasons matter.  You’re not gonna lose me, though.  I promise.  Because I feel like I keep losing you every day and I’d never..”  Do that to you.  “No sorries.  Let me show you how you I’m not going anywhere?  Can we just..try that?”